Adult survivors of childhood trauma (no specifics mentioned in thread)

[BlueCookieMonster]

So there aren’t a lot of people I can really chat to about this in real life, so I thought I would ask here.

If you experienced adverse childhood experiences, do you ever have a sort of disconnect with reality. Moments where you just stop and think ‘woah?! That actually happened?’

Or just general anger that no one noticed, or when you did speak up, nothing was done?

I’m about 95% at peace with my life and experiences most of the time, however, I do have moments of just being angry and pissed off.

I suppose I just want to know others feel likewise.

bigvig yes, totally agree.

I can relate op, especially re: work anxiety. I saw the same counsellor for 13 years which really helped. People do say silly things like 'but she's your mother and you'll always love her right?'

They are looking for reassurance but I purposefully tell them that I'll be decent to my Mother her in a way she wasn't to me because I'm a nice person, but my life will be much simpler when she's dead.

I started taking sertraline 2 years ago and that helps. I have a huge fear of death which I think is linked to the trauma and that is a daily struggle. I also think I have an attachment disorder but thankfully have a lovely husband and kids so a happy family life.

I also have nightmares and night terrors but have got used to those.

Like some of the others I also have CPTSD, anviety, flasbacks, dissociation epsiodes and I also have vivid hallucinations if I miss my medication which I will be on for life.
I have managed to work full time all my life despite this, I am a medical professional in the NHS.
My current trust is extremely supportive and I've never had a day off with it as a result. But you do need a supportive employer. Its essential.
It makes life very difficult, I cannot live with other people, my relationships fail so I live alone with my animals and have a few close friends. I do my best to be sociable and get out.
Medication is the key for me really, it took a long time to find the right medication and dose and with this condition you need routine and priorities to organise your day.
My number one priority is work because that is the stabilising force in my life so work always comes first and everything else below that in varying tiers.
Its important to avoid the people who caused this so I keep them very much at arms length and live a good few hundred miles away on purpose.

It’s awful bob but I feel similarly, re life being simpler once they’re gone.

diamond I’m pleased you’ve got a supportive employer, mine have been amazing. However, I have been in situations where they haven’t been and it was horrid.

Likewise Blue, my last manager was appalling, I'd say she caused my last breakdown by micromanaging and nit picking non stop.
It was the best thing ever moving trusts.

I would highly recommend EMDR. I did 9 months of it last year and it has been a complete game changer.

I know I have complex PTSD and would like to try EMDR but not sure how I can access it on the NHS. I am nearly 64, I doubt they'd want to waste their resources on someone my age.

And I don't think I can face going through the whole application process again, to get past the usual firsts - CBT, counselling etc. I've been there, done that, done everything, read everything. (well, maybe not absolutely everything but it seems like that sometimes, looking at my well-worn book stash.)

I had 18 months of psychotherapy on the NHS in my early 30s which helped for a while, but then some more major life events in my 40s triggered the earlier traumas and to be honest I have been limping on ever since hoping time would heal. But it hasn't and it's like daily and nightly torture the way things keep being replayed at the slightest trigger.

I don't think this lockdown is helping either - it plays into the earlier childhood traumas of being trapped and powerless.

Little check in, hope you’re all ok. X

I have just realised that I have CPTSD. All memories come back at once. It is traumatic and like I was getting through childhood trauma again. The worse is that I hate my father but love my mum. I stopped the contact with them to try to process the emotions. In the last few months I am overwhelmed with emotions and not sure how long can I cope with it. I am waiting for the trauma clinic referral.