I've been with DH 12 years and we have 2 primary school aged dcs. His job involves him working evenings and weekends, which wasn't a problem before we had kids because I worked shifts too so we would still have time together. Once our eldest got to preschool age I switched to an office job so I could be home evenings and weekends. My DH chose not to change jobs which meant the only quality time he spent with the dcs and I was 2 evenings a week. I became increasingly unhappy about this because I missed him horribly, I had no help with the dcs and I couldn't have much of a social life or hobbies because I always had to be a home with kids. I lost most of my friends and I felt increasingly isolated and depressed. We spoke multiple times about this and about how unhappy I was but nothing ever changed. I couldn't end our relationship for financial reasons and he and the kids seemed happy, so I made the choice to stay. About a year ago he managed to change his hours so he is at home for around 50% of the Saturdays in the year, which has been a huge improvement but, if I'm honest, still not what I want our relationship to be like.
Recently a few things have happened which have made me reassess things and I decided I didn't want to be with him anymore. The thought of this being my life for years to come fills me with absolute dread. I told him this week that I wanted a divorce for this and other reasons. He was initially accepting of it but he's now said he is desperate to try to make things work and has come up with a plan of how to sort the work situation. He has said he can change job roles at work to one where he works the early shifts instead, so he would be home in the evening. The downside is that this would come with a big pay drop. He also wants to do a 6 year part time degree to get a job with better hours. I feel like I should be meeting him halfway on this and seeing if things improve with the change in hours, but there are other issues in the relationship too and I'm worried I'll agree to giving it another shot only to still be miserable but now he'll have less money and a ton of student debt. I'm not sure what to do.
The other issues are: he criticises/nitpicks, he has horrible moods sometimes when the dcs wind him up and we all end up walking on eggshells around him, he can be too harsh on the dcs and I end up in the middle of it trying to calm everyone down, the sex isn't great - I've never felt any emotional connection with him during it and he doesn't bother with any foreplay unless I specifically ask for it and then it's half-hearted, he's a bad kisser and doesn't seem to want to improve, he's rubbish with talking about his feelings and if somethings bothering him he will stay in a horrible mood until I manage to persuade him to talk about it.
On the other hand, the dcs love having us all living together, he can be so sweet and thoughtful, when he's here he really is a great dad and devotes all his attention to them, he's my best friend and I love him.
But I'm also horribly depressed and I've been on antidepressants for 2 years just to help me maintain this relationship. I've no idea what to do.