Husband not staying home during lockdown

[itiswhatitis97]

I've spoken to my husband numerous times about visiting his family/friends during lockdown, but he comes with millions of excuses.
I understand it's difficult for all of us to stay in, but we have to.
He continues to go out every evening for at least 2 hours.
What do I do? I feel like telling him tonight that if he does not stop I will not let him in.
Just to mention I have baby at home.

My neighbour doesn't work yet he goes out several times every day as do his wife and grown up kids - they're cocks

@itiswhatitis97

Mseddy

Lool if he was cheating I would know.
And I don't hear football in the background, I hear his brothers and friends. Weather they use his phone or theirs I don't know.

When does he do parenting or contribute to the running of the household?

Regardless of COVID risks, you essentially don't have a relationship anyway.

What a twat. As pp says, even if it wasn't lockdown, why doesn't he want to stay in with you some nights?

He could have the phone on a group chat, which is what you can hear? He could be with someone else? Any proof he's in the car, I mean is it on your drive and you can actually see him?
Sounds very weird behaviour. He's acting like a singe man.

@itiswhatitis97

Mseddy

Lool if he was cheating I would know.
And I don't hear football in the background, I hear his brothers and friends. Weather they use his phone or theirs I don't know.

You would be amazed at what family will cover up.

So his just doing anything to escape being in the house ? That would really worry me even without a lockdown

So he's basically behaving like a single bloke with a live-in cook and housekeeper then?

What does he contribute in terms of housework, childcare, and looking after you? Is he good company? Does he make sure you also get time to yourself?

If the answer to all of these is no then what is he for?

God that's awful. That truly is. Appalling to behave like that during lockdown.

He’s out every night leaving you with a baby at home by yourself? Pandemic or no pandemic, I wouldn’t put up with that.

That’s an awful way for him to behave even in normal times. He shouldn’t be leaving you alone with a baby every night. It sounds like he isn’t actually engaged with family life. He needs to grow up!

Change the locks 🔐

He'd be locked out with a bag on the drive if it was my husband.

And I don't buy he's sitting in someone's car all night, unless he's about 18.

“So he's basically behaving like a single bloke with a live-in cook and housekeeper then?

What does he contribute in terms of housework, childcare, and looking after you? Is he good company? Does he make sure you also get time to yourself?

If the answer to all of these is no then what is he for?”

This. After work, he should be home with you and your baby. Every evening with the occasional exception. And you should get the odd evening off too.

Advise him in advance that tomorrow he is sitting with baby that evening, and you go for a bath.

If he tuts and takes turn with baby then a small corner turned.

If he goes in to a rage, and/or still goes out with pals, then you need to have the conversation tomorrow.

Do you share finances? Because if not I'd report him every time. £200 that doubles every offence. Then I'd leave.

He helps out here and there but I do most of the house work and I look after the children all by myself.
He never helps out unless I leave him alone with the children.
I feel stuck I've spoken to him numerous of times but he doesn't seem to get it.
I don't want to kick him out as I've done it before.
At this point I feel defeated and drained.
How many times can a person repeat themselves? I think I'm scared of judgement more than anything as I've changed The locks on him before, and was talked about for a while.
Now I feel like we're back to square one.

What is it that you worry you'll be losing by ending the relationship?

It's not companionship.
It's not support.
It's not another competent parent to rely on.

So what is it that you have to lose? Genuine question.

You say you don’t want to kick him out because you have done it before. What are you actually saying here? You don’t want to kick him out because you will let him back in? Why did you kick him out before? Pre-Covid? Read over you posts again. His life is saying he has no respect for yours, he comes and goes as he pleases, doesn’t contribute any meanful say go the family, emotionally or otherwise. Why would you want to be with someone like this?

to the family

No excuse and not condoning it, but is he from the Middle East, or another culture where men used to hang out in coffee houses all evening? He sounds very much like someone I know. He can't seem to survive without daily male companionship. 🤷

How old is he 15? It’s not even about lockdown, it’s just the going out every night for me. He should be spending time with him family. This would be the end for me, is this what you really want for your life?

If you kick him out and don’t let him back you will never ever again have to be sitting here debating whether to kick him out again. Covid is only the icing on the cake here, I’d get rid of this guy irrespective.

Gliblet

The only thing that I get out of this relationship is being able to have someone there for me to get the kids milk/essentials when I run out.
The few hours he's at home I leave to get some me time.

Diana

Yes he is