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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Money worries

70 replies

Sassywatch · 13/01/2021 18:14

Hi everyone,

I’d like some help and advice.

My partner moved in with me where I own the house and he agreed to pay me rent and bills.

His house has tenants in and they are paying him rent.

We’ve kept everything seperate in that sense. I get nothing from his property and he gets nothing from mine. We are only 18 months in so we’re not ready to buy together yet.

He pays about 25% of my house costs.

He has decided that he does not want to pay anything other than a share of the bills “as I’m paying the mortgage anyway”. I don’t see this is fair or right in that he is happily benefiting from his tenants paying his mortgage but doesn’t take the value in paying for a roof over his own head.

In challenging further, he wants to put said “rent” in a savings account for our future and should we ever split, we go 50/50 on the savings.

I was brought up to pay my way and I’m feeling used. Should I be?

OP posts:

Chel098 · 13/01/2021 19:08

I don’t agree with the first poster.

Like you said OP you was brought up to pay your way it’s a matter of principle. What would happen if you rented? It’s neither here or there tbh.

I think this is a major red flag and it doesn’t sound like you should live together.

wewereliars · 13/01/2021 19:26

Solicitor here. Paying towards a mortgage gives you no right to any interest in the property. That is a myth. The only realistic way to have a legal interest / stake in a property is to be on the property deeds. There has been the occasional case under the law of equity where you can argue an interest if you have made substantial improvements to the property. Succeeding on this is very rare indeed and the law of equity is very vague and expensive to try and use.

bjjgirl · 13/01/2021 19:51

I've been through something similar, get it resolved, he needs to pay you or move out. End of. Otherwise he will sponge off you for life

TeddyTop · 13/01/2021 19:56

Thank you wewereliars for clarification. The earlier assertions sounded a bit off - the world and his wife would be making claims!

Original poster

Sassywatch · 13/01/2021 20:05

Thanks everyone.

It sounds like I am correct to feel used as he is benefiting from my “free” roof over his head. We had a long chat about it at the weekend and he just couldn’t see my point of view.

It really upset me as ive not asked for a lot and if he live his own house, he would be paying more than double what I am charging him. Tbh he can’t afford his own house which is why he rented it out. Now He thinks he can live for free.

It made me even more upset when he said he had £10k in savings and I’ve been struggling as I was out of work due to covid for 3 months.

OP posts:

Chronicallymothering · 13/01/2021 20:10

He should move out. You aren't compatible in outlook on finances and to cut his costs at you expense. He can see your point of view he just thinks he matters more. The keeping it in a savings account and him getting 50% if you split is demeaning.

Maybe live apart.

billy1966 · 13/01/2021 20:14

@TeddyTop

So, basically, he’s living for free?

If so he’s very clever and is taking you for a mug.

However don’t understand your last paragraph where he is now offering rent - but wants it back as savings should you split up in the future?

Either way it sounds you’re being used!

This.

He's trying to take you for a real mug.

He is also showing you EXACTLY who he is.

Take it on board or seriously regret it.

I would be so wary of someone so openly trying to take advantage on you.

Irrespective of how you resolve this, MY trust in him would be gone.

He's trying to screw you over.

DON'T be a mug.

TeddyTop · 13/01/2021 20:17

Honest it sounds awful Sassy. He sounds shockingly entitled, a taker in every sense of the word. And/or there is something wrong with him in the head.

With all his extra money you’ve effectively created for him by giving him a home for free, he should be cherishing you and treating you like a queen financially.

You sound lovely and more than reasonable OP, and it’s sad to see those traits being used and abused by him. Time to put your big girl pants on?

Original poster

Sassywatch · 13/01/2021 20:22

Teddytop & Billy1966 I hear you.

Trust in him has always been a struggle due to how he decided that monogamy was a fluid concept 8 weeks in.

OP posts:

Thingsdogetbetter · 13/01/2021 20:35

When I moved into now dh's flat, we worked out mortgage and Bill's were about the same. So he 'paid' mortgage, I paid bills.

I would consider the savings idea if a) you were already planning to going to save the surplus from him paying 'rent' for the same reason or b) it went in a joint account where withdrawals had to be jointly signed for.

Otherwise, "fuck off what kind of mug do you take me for?! You want to profit from living with me AND you've already drop the monogamy is fluid bolox lead into "I told you I didn't believe in monogamy so why are you upset I'm shagging someone else?"".

Blanca87 · 13/01/2021 20:35

What are doing with him then. He sensed you had soft boundaries after the fluid monogamy comment. Which by the way is puke inducing.🤮
Get rid of the self absorbed twat.

PaigeMatthews · 13/01/2021 20:44

Op, come on. He’s a cock. Get rid.

Original poster

Sassywatch · 13/01/2021 20:46

Yea. I know. I know.

He was still shagging someone else 8 weeks in and he put it down to “not knowing where we were going”

Writing is all over the wall ...

OP posts:

WobbliHead3000 · 13/01/2021 20:54

Kick him out!!!

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 13/01/2021 20:54

Taking a stand is a win/win stance, OP.

Either he complies, pays his fair share and thus learns to respect you or he refuses, you boot him out and lose 14st of dead weight.

Either way, your self respect is reinforced. Don't back down!

HollowTalk · 13/01/2021 21:12

@Sassywatch

Teddytop & Billy1966 I hear you.

Trust in him has always been a struggle due to how he decided that monogamy was a fluid concept 8 weeks in.

Come on, get a grip! He is not fatal and he's a cock lodger? Tell him to get out tomorrow.

myrtlehuckingfuge · 13/01/2021 21:38

Get him out! You knew that though didn't you OP? Take care of yourself lady, this bloke sounds like bad news. Got anyone to discuss an exit plan with in real life in case he turns?

Original poster

Sassywatch · 13/01/2021 21:54

Yes I have.

The whole time we were together I knew something was off. Always a gut feel. I’ll never ignore it ever again. I saw it. Right at the beginning. I could tell he wasn’t genuine. Sadly it wasn’t just me.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 13/01/2021 21:56

@ivfbeenbusy

Well if he contributes towards your mortgage he will acquire a legal financial interest in it irrespective of whether it's solely in your name or not

So I actually agree with him - your homes are by far your biggest asset so best to keep them protected and separate

No he won’t. They aren’t married. He doesn’t get to get a share of her house becayse he helped pay the mortgage. What a ludicrous answer. That would mean every renter acquired a part of their rental.

Op, this is an enormous red flag. As in ginormous. Don’t agree to it. You can both save independently.

billy1966 · 13/01/2021 21:58

@Thingsdogetbetter

When I moved into now dh's flat, we worked out mortgage and Bill's were about the same. So he 'paid' mortgage, I paid bills.

Oh come on, you are worth so much more than this.

He's a player.
He certainly doesn't respect you.
He certainly isn't committed to you.

And now he is thinking.. "fxxk this, I think I can get out of paying rent...she's so dim, I'll slip it past her"

Waster.

Show him he was wrong about you. Please.

Original poster

Sassywatch · 14/01/2021 07:42

I’m going to tell him to go tomorrow.

It’s time to just open my eyes.

Thank you so much everyone. I just needed some reassurance that I wasn’t being horrid.

OP posts:

sunnydays78 · 14/01/2021 07:54

I suppose it depends on how much your other bills are. Ask him how he’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot! I’d say he should pay all the bills.

Original poster

Sassywatch · 14/01/2021 08:08

He earns 25% of what I earn.

His payments to me were calculated to be 25% of everything I pay out for the house (bills, mortgage) but excluding food, life insurance and petrol.

OP posts:

MissTermeanor · 14/01/2021 08:26

Download a lodger license OP and set out what he pays and what his rights are. That will protect any claims. He's TTP! Is his income based on earnings? Or earnings plus the wad of cash he's getting from renting out his house?

The amount he pays you should be the going rate not a percentage of calculations - that is giving him justification to quibble.
Say it's £X to live here. Like it or lump it.

willowmelangell · 14/01/2021 08:39

I am glad you are going to tell him to leave.
He broke the agreement and decided you were a mug with no options.

Just me being nosy, what if he backtracks rapidly and says he WILL stick to the agreement and tries to give you money?

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