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Original poster

Could he be having an affair with his manager?

51 replies

Mummabearofthree · 13/01/2021 01:27

DP started a new job back in July. He is quite close to his manager, talks about her a lot in everyday conversation and he seems to get a lot of good treatment at work. He works in a supermarket. Recently the other managers were in talks of sacking him but this woman convinced them to keep him on as he’s such a good worker (he’s late a lot and has had a fair few days off). She’s given him the gold star award and has given him chocolates for free as well as crates of beer 🙄. The other day he had to take my pink lighter to work as his wasn’t working, I said if you’re not comfortable showing it just hide it, he said oh it’s just (This woman) who’ll see it so I’m not bothered. I haven’t mentioned anything to him yet as I don’t know if I’m just paranoid... my spidey senses are definitely tingling. He’s also recently downloaded a messenger that connects with his contacts, the messages self destruct after the other persons read them...

OP posts:
SoEverybodyDance · 13/01/2021 02:18

sorry but lots of red flags here... obviously past behaviour, but the messages that delete and the password protected payroll slip also raise big flags.

I'm sorry you're going through this...

Original poster
Mummabearofthree · 13/01/2021 02:18

[quote popsydoodle4444]@Mummabearofthree

What an absolute shit he is.

You mention you've been together for 6 years and have 3 kids which means your kids are very young.So whilst your home alone looking after 3 small children he's out sleeping about.

He has no respect for you.Please know that none of this is your fault;the fault is entirely with him.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering when the next affair will be?;this was my friends life for a long time,she stayed because she thought it was the right thing to do for the kids.She even married the arse after he had the affairs.

6 months into the marriage he was back up to his old tricks;he suddenly changed the location he was based at for work;said it was works decision to move him.They asked him to move on because he had an affair with a colleague and he got nasty with her when she ended it.Her brother phoned my friend and told her to keep her psycho husband away from his sister.

It was another 2 year before she plucked up the strength to end it.She found his behaviour psychologically and emotionally draining.[/quote]
Yes our children are young and it’s bloody hard work! I honestly haven’t got the energy for this anymore, I’ve never truly forgiven him and I find it extremely hard to be intimate with him now.

I know it’s best that we split up and I will have a talk with him tomorrow about this. I am not happy and clearly he isn’t either as he wouldn’t need to keep having these pathetic affairs. I am sick to death of checking up on him and waiting for the next thing to get upset/angry about. I’d much rather be on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummabearofthree · 13/01/2021 02:22

I feel like he’s turned me into someone I hate. I was never insecure, jealous and paranoid until I found out about the affair.

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 13/01/2021 02:37

After his previous affair, your partner should be moving mountains to reassure you and restore trust. Instead, he has become close to another woman and has changed his shift to be with her. He is keeping secrets (days off) and blocking transparency (payslips, self-destructing messenger). She is playing favorites, providing freebies, and intervening on his behalf.

He is at it again, OP. He is throwing his second chance back in your face and risking your sexual health. You and the children deserve better than this weak, selfish cheat who diminishes you. Empower your life by walking away. Flowers

CostaDelCovid · 13/01/2021 02:47

Walk into the store and find him (without kids unless too young to know what you're saying of course), pretend to be all loved up towards him then as soon as you see her or a female staff members you don't know who she is - Announce loudly what a lying, cheating scumbag he is and that she's welcome to him!

Mature? Absolutely not, but he'll never live it down and it will leave you feeling empowered! Gin

CostaDelCovid · 13/01/2021 02:50

*If you don't know who she is, I meant

GretaSheen · 13/01/2021 02:53

I'm sorry OP, it isn't looking good. Even if he isn't (unlikely) having an affair this time your relationship is over because he is simply a cunt.

You can do this alone. You can be 'you' again. It gets easier. I promise.

oakleaffy · 13/01/2021 03:26

@Aquamarine1029

The gifts and the messaging app wouldn't fill me with confidence, honestly. I would also be concerned that he's a slack employee. The lateness, all the days off. What's that about?
Being favoured despite being late and days off??

Surely he should be the first to be kicked out if redundancies were being decided?

''Mentionitis'' is a red flag in my book.

ex DH had an affair with his 'Head of dept'... and mentioned her all the time.

Even going so far as to tell me that they'd both exited the lavatories at the same time {Ladies and Gents} so they

''Must have been peeing at the same time and {TMI} ''Wiping at the same time''

I laugh NOW at that ludicrous comment, but at the time it wasn't funny.

oakleaffy · 13/01/2021 03:28

@Mummabearofthree

I feel like he’s turned me into someone I hate. I was never insecure, jealous and paranoid until I found out about the affair.
Kick him out, @Mummabearofthree

You can do so much better!

Being alone is preferable to this angst.

TooManyKidsSendHelp · 13/01/2021 04:01

The reason that some posters here are being a bit harsh and blunt is because they want to be strong and walk away from this man.

I'm just mentioning it because I don't want you to get the idea that it's your fault or that you've been stupid. You have done nothing wrong. This mess is all him.

Do it OP. Make 2021 the year where you get your happiness back. You and kids deserve better than this weasel.

ShizeItsWeegie · 13/01/2021 04:33

The reason he is disliked at work will be because of the affair.

CJsGoldfish · 13/01/2021 04:34

He probably is. He sounds like such a crap employee he'd have to have someone on side to keep his job.
He won't change. You know this. Up to you to accept it or do something about it.
You'll probably gain a whole lot of self respect if you realise you are worth much much more than this. You are.

Starlia · 13/01/2021 05:09

Apart from probably having another affair, I find it troubling that his managers all decided to sack him (except for her intervening) due to being late and having days off.
I mean, if you are a responsible husband and father of 3 young children, you don't put your job in jeopardy by turning up late all the time, surely.
Especially after you've already lost one job due to an affair.
He sounds selfish and with little regard for his family. Not a trustworthy or decent man at all.
I suspect you know this and you just need support to help you move on from him. We got you!

custardbear · 13/01/2021 05:24

Sorry OP but he's not a decent, true man, he's out for himself and doesn't care about you or his children - he'd be out of my house.
Can you live without him? Do you have a job or income?

MusicalTrifleMonkey · 13/01/2021 06:11

You know what you need to do. You deserve so much better.

Do you have somewhere you can go? Do you have any other support? Financially can you walk away?

He sounds entirely useless. The fact that he is willing to jeopardise his job is concerning enough, the fact he had an affair and that he has been lying to you. Where was he on those sneaky days off? You deserve a proper partner and your kids deserve support too. What’s he like as a father?
I hope you’re okay. It’s tough to walk away but it’s the best thing for you ❤️

Lucieintheskye · 13/01/2021 06:33

Lots of red flags, OP. Even before I saw you'd said he'd done it before, it all hints to either an affair with the manager or just some shifty behaviour. The fact he's added a password to his payslip AFTER you questioned it suggests he's hiding something. I'm so sorry OP but I think it's happened again, and even if it hasn't, he's lying to you about something.

You and your DC deserve better. You deserve to live happily and comfortably without doubting yourself or the people you love. It's a tough decision but ultimately it's only going to get worse the longer you stay with him. I hope you can get your finances together and sort out custody. Do you have real life support from friends/family?

Hairyfairy01 · 13/01/2021 06:39

After his last affair he should be 100% open with you trying to build up your trust, not putting passwords on payslips and downloading weird messaging apps.
Bottom line is that you don't trust him. And I don't blame you, I wouldn't trust him either.
I think you know exactly what you have to do.

Tinkerbell456 · 13/01/2021 07:21

Hate to say this op but lots of suspicious stuff. Days off that he isn’t telling you about? When he obviously isn’t I’ll? Why would he password his payslip? That and he has form. Time to confront I think. Really sorry, but I can’t see any other explanation. 💐

MLM268 · 13/01/2021 07:26

@MsDogLady

After his previous affair, your partner should be moving mountains to reassure you and restore trust. Instead, he has become close to another woman and has changed his shift to be with her. He is keeping secrets (days off) and blocking transparency (payslips, self-destructing messenger). She is playing favorites, providing freebies, and intervening on his behalf.

He is at it again, OP. He is throwing his second chance back in your face and risking your sexual health. You and the children deserve better than this weak, selfish cheat who diminishes you. Empower your life by walking away. Flowers

This! He should be doing everything he can to reassure you that he won't do it again. Complete transparency, not purposely hiding things. I'd be done now, even if he's not having an affair with his manager. I know it's tough, especially with 3 children. But maybe get your ducks in a row before talking to him Flowers
PurpleMustang · 13/01/2021 07:39

I hate to say it but you found out about one affair, doesn't mean there haven't been more. He is obviously lazy in his job and has charmed this woman into thinking he is the bees knees so that he can continue to be late and lazy. How he has charmed her, well probably not hard to figure out. You need to be kind and strong for yourself and your kids and if the situation suits with where you live, kick him out. He sounds like he is gonna be too lazy to bother with his kids anyway. You are slowly turning into a shell while he does exactly what he wants.

mummyof4kids · 13/01/2021 08:00

Red flags all over this. I agree with a pp, after one affair he should be doing all he can to regain your trust and be open with his phone.
He obviously has no respect for you and your children. Do you rent or own your home? Are you both on the tenancy?
I'd kick his arse out the door and build a stress free life with my kids if I was you. Easier said than done I know but surely it's better to be single and happy than with someone you have to check up on all the time? It sounds exhausting

Cuntitinthebin · 13/01/2021 08:34

Oh Jesus fucking Christ OP.

He's lying to you about work. Why? Where is he when you think he's at work?

You're letting him walk all over you.

Arnoldthecat · 13/01/2021 09:07

There are some men who have the golden touch. They dont have to be tall dark and handsome. Often they can be fat bald and short or any combination of the above.

In male parlance ,and please excuse the term, we call them fanny magnets.

Women seem to be drawn to them as a moth to a flame and they naturally exploit such situations and come out smelling of roses.

If every thing is as you suspect then (a) he is lucky to have a guardian angel to save his neck and (B) it will all eventually come out in the wash and not only will he be fucked but she will be too.

But then thats often the case with fanny magnets. They ride the rollercoaster and when its time to get off, they leave the wreckage behind and look for another amusement park.

Theonethatgotawayawayaway · 29/01/2021 02:56

I thought I’d do a little update, after posting and reading all of the comments I took a few days to think. Well I’ve made my decision, I lay all cards on the table and told him what I know (not suspect), he tried to gaslight the situation (even accused me of speaking to numerous other men on Facebook) and I made him leave. He’s currently at his mothers, who is livid with him as I made sure I told her why he was being kicked out!

Ziggydancer · 29/01/2021 03:04

Good for you OP Flowers look after yourself and your children xx

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