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Original poster

Insults disguised as jokes

35 replies

Sparklyhugs · 12/01/2021 20:25

Hi lovelies 💐

I’ve been noticing this nastiness coming from my partner.

We were cuddled up in bed the other day, watching TV. I had my hair up in a clip. Suddenly he starts touching my neck and says, in a grossed out voice, “You have a very hairy neck. Wow! Never seen that on a girl before.” ...I have baby hairs on the back of my neck. That’s what he was talking about. I was really taken aback and frankly upset. No one has ever said anything like that to me before, and I think I’d know if I was some spectacularly hairy woman. When he saw me upset he insisted he was only joking. Mmhmm...

Later that night someone on the TV was talking about breast implants. He goes, “Would you get yours bigger for me?” Followed by insisting he was again joking, that my boobs are perfect, that I’m too sensitive and can’t take a joke.

I’m done with this bullocks. Can anyone relate?

OP posts:
wingingit987 · 12/01/2021 20:29

You should tell him Yes I could get my boobs made bigger if you have a personality bypass.

My partner and I have been together for 7 years I feel that if we wanted to say something to one another we would just say it. On the times he has made sly comments I called him out on it pretty quickly tbh.

Also jokes are funny which he obviously isn't. Xx

Krampusnolongerbabysits · 12/01/2021 20:32

Ask him if he would have a penile extension to get a decent-sized dick. Then spin the same line...

username888765 · 12/01/2021 20:32

I was in an abusive relationship and this is where it started. He began by make insulting comments disguised as 'jokes'. I remember saying - Well if I that fat, ugly and stupid, why are you with me?

Answer - oh tee hee, can't you take a joke?

When I look back on it, the abuse was systematic as though he planned it in order to chip away at my self esteem. It's horrific to think about.

I would now take that sort of behaviour as an invitation to buy my one way ticket to scarperville and get out of there. No one who loves you or cares about you, chips away at your self esteem.

Eckhart · 12/01/2021 20:34

Are you going to stay with him?

Ithinkhedidit · 12/01/2021 20:35

So he wants you hairless and large-breasted? I'm assuming he watches / has watched a lot of porn. Remind him all adults have hair and we all come in different shapes and sizes. You're a human, not a sex doll. I'd also start pointing out body parts of his that could do with changing/improving. See how he likes it (and if he doesn't, remember it's a "joke").

EvieBoo2 · 12/01/2021 20:41

He sounds like an arsehole. Dispose of him immediately. Life is too short to put up with that kind of shit.

peak2021 · 12/01/2021 20:43

Nastiness.

Not jokes or ill-judged attempts at humour. Have some self-esteem and end the relationship.

Original poster
Sparklyhugs · 12/01/2021 20:49

@Eckhart

No way! I’m really done with whatever he’s playing at. There’s nothing he can do to convince me that he actually cares about me.

OP posts:
PurpleMustang · 12/01/2021 20:51

The red flags are starting to creep up their poles. Didn't even just ask if you ever thought of having your boobs done he specifically said 'for him'. And a joke is only funny if both sides are finding it funny. I suggest start having some of your own jokes, his responses will soon tell you if you need to run

username888765 · 12/01/2021 20:52

Good for you. I remember ignoring those feelings and learning to manage it. I should have run at the first sign - wanker.

Original poster
Sparklyhugs · 12/01/2021 20:53

@username888765

I’m so sorry that you had to experience that abuse 💐 Thank goodness you got away from him. I think my situation is pretty much the same; things started with him treating me as if I was perfect for him, that I was just right. Now he’s trying to chip away at me.

OP posts:
username888765 · 12/01/2021 20:56

Thanks. It was a long time ago now. Idealise. Devalue. Discard. Run.

TheSockMonster · 12/01/2021 20:57

He sounds very insecure.

I don’t think people like this get better once they’ve started Sad

Kaia20 · 12/01/2021 21:00

He sounds like an utter wanker actually.
Next time he wants sex, pull out your phone and show him a penis pump “You have a weird shape penis, never noticed that before, look at these, would you make it bigger for me”

Original poster
Sparklyhugs · 12/01/2021 21:12

@Kaia20

Hahaha 🤣 Thanks for making me laugh. I can only imagine his reaction!

OP posts:
Readingandrighting · 12/01/2021 21:20

On the times he has made sly comments I called him out on it pretty quickly tbh

Did you call him out on it OP? I have a hairy neck (shock horror!) & I’d prefer if someone didn’t say something like that especially the comparison to other women.

My ex is quite blunt & I went on MN & everyone said he was emotionally abusive but honestly, I look back and I really don’t think he was emotionally abusive-he was just extremely insensitive & blunt. I do think there’s a difference.

Could you speak to your partner? How Long are you together?

The boobs comment was yuck — I wouldn’t be able to not retaliate if a man said that to me!

classiestgal · 12/01/2021 21:26

How long have you been together? Regardless, I think those comments are shitty and disrespectful. It would put me off him to be honest. Bad manners.

Jellykat · 12/01/2021 21:27

Another abusive relationship survivor here, and the 'it was just a joke' 'you're too sensitive' dismissals after he'd say hurtful things is where it all started.. 1 year after the 'i've never felt like this before 'Mr Perfect lovebombing. It's the classic script!
You know where this drip drip is leading to..

MaeveDidIt · 12/01/2021 21:30

You can tell a man from what he says.

Giraffey1 · 12/01/2021 21:37

I’d have been off the sofa and telling him to grow up. He said it was a joke? Reply. ‘Do you see me laughing?’
Is this the only unpleasant behaviour he has exhibited or have there been other signs?

Frankola · 12/01/2021 21:52

Some people pull this crap to make themselves feel better/superior.

My husbands family have made an art of this kind of "humour" and it's usually topics they're insecure about, for example, being rude about my education because they didn't do the same or place an emphasis on education...

Luckily my dh hasn't inherited this trait.

I feel for you. You need to speak to him about it

Notworking123 · 13/01/2021 00:37

After sex say, "Wow, you're really shit at that. Has nobody ever told you how bad you are? OH MY GOD what's wrong with you, can't you take a joke? Lighten up babe. And you might want to get that wonky nose looked at..."

PickAChew · 13/01/2021 00:42

This is negging, isn't it? It's a power thing.

And don't most people have hairy necks? What a tit.

Mummabearofthree · 13/01/2021 02:14

Well all women have hair and not everyone has a big pair of fake tits 🖕🏻. Next time he says something like this, tell him your ex was bigger and satisfied you more. When he throws a fit tell
him it’s just a joke and you actually prefer small penises.

MLM268 · 13/01/2021 07:40

@Mummabearofthree

Well all women have hair and not everyone has a big pair of fake tits 🖕🏻. Next time he says something like this, tell him your ex was bigger and satisfied you more. When he throws a fit tell him it’s just a joke and you actually prefer small penises.
This made me laugh!! 😂😂😂
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