Insults disguised as jokes

[Sparklyhugs]

Hi lovelies 💐

I’ve been noticing this nastiness coming from my partner.

We were cuddled up in bed the other day, watching TV. I had my hair up in a clip. Suddenly he starts touching my neck and says, in a grossed out voice, “You have a very hairy neck. Wow! Never seen that on a girl before.” ...I have baby hairs on the back of my neck. That’s what he was talking about. I was really taken aback and frankly upset. No one has ever said anything like that to me before, and I think I’d know if I was some spectacularly hairy woman. When he saw me upset he insisted he was only joking. Mmhmm...

Later that night someone on the TV was talking about breast implants. He goes, “Would you get yours bigger for me?” Followed by insisting he was again joking, that my boobs are perfect, that I’m too sensitive and can’t take a joke.

I’m done with this bullocks. Can anyone relate?

Ask him what the definition of a good comedian is.

Whether the audience finds the joke funny, not the comedian!

Would he blurt out "Ew you have a really hairy whatever" to his boss? His mum? Thought not.

I think it's negging too. Do you live together, can he move back to where he came from.

Love it. MN gold.

Instant LTB posts, and "tell him his dick is small".

So the nuclear, most destructive option, or revenge. Which makes you better people how?

Many of you sound like you're wanting the OP to punish DH for all of your collective woes.

Fuck this, OP. I had an older boyfriend like this as a teenager, I cringe when I think of the grotty sod now saying nasty shit like this and commenting constantly on other women. It hasn't done my self esteem any good.

Don't engage in 'banter' making comments back. It will be never ending and hardly the level of conversation you deserve.

If he's been fine until recently I might give him one very clear talking to that this is not funny, it is insulting. Explain that insulting someone then saying 'it's a joke' is hardly rapier sharp wit. If you have to point out a joke then it's obviously not a brilliant one.

TBH I don't think I could be arsed with this myself though and would call it a day. It's devaluing and unpleasant.

Agree with PP, sounds like he's been watching porn or perving on Instagram influencers.

Love it. MN gold.
Instant LTB posts, and "tell him his dick is small".
So the nuclear, most destructive option, or revenge. Which makes you better people how?

I’m genuinely curious as to what your suggestion would be. The OP has said that he saw her upset after the hairy neck comment, so he knows she doesn’t like it. And when she’s tried to talk to him about the breast size comment, he has accused her of being too sensitive. So clearly, having a discussion with him about it isn’t enough to stop him.

You clearly disapprove of the idea that she has boundaries and isn’t prepared to put up with his nasty little jibes, or that she gives him a taste of his own medicine to show him how hurtful these ‘jokes’ are. So do you suggest that she shuts up, develops a thicker skin and brushes his ‘jokes’ off?

Many of you sound like you're wanting the OP to punish DH for all of your collective woes. Many of the posters are actually encouraging the OP to stand up for herself and not accept any of his crap.

• Love it. MN gold. Instant LTB posts, and "tell him his dick is small". So the nuclear, most destructive option, or revenge. Which makes you better people how?*

Oh yes. OP should definitely just take what's thrown at her meekly, perhaps with a tinkly laugh. Her feelings don't matter, she's just too sensitive. It's only a joke after all, one that she can't join in with or offer any joke response in return because that doesn't make her a better person. She should just wring her hands like a Good Wumman and be grateful she has a negging man in her life. Because he'll magically stop insulting her if she says nothing.

What are you thinking OP?

I had never heard of negging until MN & I look back & realise I was heavily negged (?!) by two guys - both good looking, both arses-I look back & think ‘what in the world were you thinking?’

My original advice still stands though : stick up for yourself & talk to him & do let us know what’s going on or how you get on.

I wouldn't bother engaging. I'd give him the benefit of one conversation where I told him I found his personal comments rude and if he did it again I'd be done.

Then I'd be done. Adults with manners don't rudely comment on other people's physical appearance. Being your partner doesn't give him the right to make comments.

Yeah, chuck him back. He's a dud.

So nice to hear of a woman sticking to her boundaries at the first sign of shite behaviour.

What did you do @Sparklyhugs OP?