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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

please give me a really good telling off, I am very bad

38 replies

GrowingOldGracelessly · 27/10/2007 10:46

I need to vent and see in writing how stupid I am being. It would be great if you could give me a really hard virtual shake to sort me out.

I really can't go to too much detail because I'd be immediately recognisable and to be honest I am VERY embarassed at how I am feeling and also my sister lurks on MN.

Have been with DH for 12 years, have one DC, have been through all sorts together including some major life changes. We have always been faithful to each other and feel strongly that we are together because fate brought us together. Sex is fab. He's grouchy and difficult sometimes but not that bad that I would have anything big to complain about. He respects me, thinks I am beautiful and clever, and only told me last week in front of MIL that he would die without me. I am blessed.

BUT something really strange and very surprising happened to me this week. We had a friend visiting for a few days and OMG I basically think that I have fallen in LUST with the guy. I haven't been able to keep my eyes off him and have been having naughty thoughts about him. There is no way that I would cheat on DH at all so there is no way anything would happen. But I am so shocked at myself. Is this some sort of mid life crisis? Is it a physical thing that happens sometimes when we reach a certain age? I'm early 30s. Don't they say that a woman's sexual peak is about now?

Believe me. This is such a bizarre feeling. I keep thinking about this guy. And I don't even want to.

Slap me. Tell me off. Tell me I am being stupid. Please. It is eating me up.

OP posts:
MeMySonAndI · 27/10/2007 10:48

That is just a crush, as long as you don't act on it, you will be fine. It will pass.

There was a thread about this a few weeks ago, aparently is a regular thing.

ThePhantomToiletFlusher · 27/10/2007 10:49

Do you want me to sling a bucket of cold water over you?

Original poster
GrowingOldGracelessly · 27/10/2007 10:51

please toiletflusher
it's insanity!

OP posts:
Snaf · 27/10/2007 10:52

I'm not going to tell you off. It's normal - just because you're married doesn't mean you switch off entirely from anyone else. And yes, women are at their sexual peak in their 30s - think yourself lucky because mine's going entirely to waste!

As long as you don't actually act on it, what's the harm?

Original poster
GrowingOldGracelessly · 27/10/2007 10:53

MeMYSON - a crush sounds like something I can cope with and laugh at with time. That helps. The really difficult thing is that the person who knows me best and who I talk everything through with is my dh, and obviously this is not something which would go down well.

OP posts:
ThePhantomToiletFlusher · 27/10/2007 10:55

Why don't you take out your lust on your DH? You might manage to "work it out your system" by endless shagging?

Disclaimer:Could chafe after a while.

Original poster
GrowingOldGracelessly · 27/10/2007 10:59

Thanks snaf.

My feeling is that as long as I keep myself away from this chap until I'm 'back to normal' over him, I am not in any danger of DH sussing out how I feel. He can read me like a book. Omg, there's every chance actually that he has worked it out but hasn't mentioned it because it would make him feel inadequate. That makes me feel worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
GrowingOldGracelessly · 27/10/2007 11:00

toiletflusher - good plan! . Actually I had already been doing that . lol at disclaimer.

OP posts:
Original poster
GrowingOldGracelessly · 27/10/2007 11:01

I'm feeling lots of guilt too.

OP posts:
ThePhantomToiletFlusher · 27/10/2007 11:03

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You clearly love your DH and would not act on this crush and lusty feelings.

Hekate · 27/10/2007 15:24

You are married, not dead. It's just a crush. Enjoy it.

And if you close your eyes when you're getting down to it with your husband, you can pretend.......

zippitippitoes · 27/10/2007 15:26

enjoy it it's harmless..and er normal surely

Dior · 27/10/2007 15:26

Message withdrawn

Dior · 27/10/2007 15:28

Message withdrawn

Original poster
GrowingOldGracelessly · 27/10/2007 20:20

Thanks all for the reassurance. (But you are being far too kind!!). I suppose I would be saying the same things if I had read this OP from another MNetter. I know it is normal, and that it clearly is a crush. I am just overwhelmed by how strong it feels and completely out of the blue.

OP posts:
Dior · 27/10/2007 20:36

Message withdrawn

Original poster
GrowingOldGracelessly · 27/10/2007 20:40

Do you mean like being short of breath and all fluttery? Because that's what this is like. It reminds me a lot of being a teenager, and I was always 'falling in love' (i.e. growing up and becoming sexually aware) back then.

OP posts:
Dior · 28/10/2007 09:13

Message withdrawn

TimeForMe · 28/10/2007 09:27

My DP has a gorgeous, sexy mate who makes me go weak at the knees and blush and stutter like a teenage girl every time he visits! But i love it!

Don't feel guilty! Enjoy it!

cazboldy · 28/10/2007 09:35

I have recently come into contact with my first ever boyfriend through a mutual friend of mine and dh's.
I was only 12, so nothing ever happened between us, but he is always joking about it and I blush so badly when he talks to me!
Dh finds it hilarious! I do like the other bloke, and he is really attractive...... but I definitely would never cheat and I love my dh to bits. He knows this and I think thats why he finds my reaction so funny!
It's like I revert back to being this little girl, and I can't help it!

HappyWoman · 28/10/2007 11:07

I have to disagree with Dior about not telling your H. These feelings are normal and if your relationship is that good why would you not tell him?

Ive been there too and did tell my H and to be honest i think if this man were to walk past me now i would still have to be held back!!

If your relationship is healthy then why not share it and let him tell you about his fantasies too.

Original poster
GrowingOldGracelessly · 28/10/2007 16:43

Funny you shoudl say that HappyWoman but a long time ago we shared fantasies about sexy friends and this guy was my hot favourite. So he does know I find him attractive, just not that I have had this weird crush on him this week.

The good news is that today I have been thinking about him less. But when I do I still get that tightness of breath and get all hot inside. Oh dear.

OP posts:
CappuScreamO · 28/10/2007 16:46

I became obsessed with a bloke I worked with once, for about a fortnight

I was wandering round thinking rude thoughts constantly and could barely manage being in the office with him

suddenly it passed and I was thinking, what was that about? He's hideous!

Original poster
GrowingOldGracelessly · 28/10/2007 16:51

lol cappu
it's like thinking about ex-boyfriends, probably!

OP posts:
Excitable · 28/10/2007 17:41

Can't believe I'm about to write this and would never admit this to other people in RL as I am really close to DH and don't want to give anyone reason to be suspicious about how serious our relationship is, even after 12 years together...

BUT just for you, I confess that I can barely remember a time when I didn't have a crust on someone else in all those 12 years. DH knows about all of them and finds it quite sexy that I only ever act on it with him. He's also had crushes on women that we know and famous women too. Of course he has. I find it very difficult when people say that they'd find it hard to find love again if they divorced or their partner died, because it seems to me that the world is FULL of men who are really sexy in different ways. I agree that this seems to be more true the older I get, too.

I think this is healthy and it works for us, but not everyone understands. However, there is a statistic that men think about sex every 7 seconds, so it stands to reason that the likelihood is that he's had sexy thoughts about other people all the time. But he must love you because he's voted with his feet, right?

Go on, give yourself a break and have another little think about this sexy guy. Then put on your sexiest outfit and seduce your DH!