please give me a really good telling off, I am very bad

[GrowingOldGracelessly]

I need to vent and see in writing how stupid I am being. It would be great if you could give me a really hard virtual shake to sort me out.

I really can't go to too much detail because I'd be immediately recognisable and to be honest I am VERY embarassed at how I am feeling and also my sister lurks on MN.

Have been with DH for 12 years, have one DC, have been through all sorts together including some major life changes. We have always been faithful to each other and feel strongly that we are together because fate brought us together. Sex is fab. He's grouchy and difficult sometimes but not that bad that I would have anything big to complain about. He respects me, thinks I am beautiful and clever, and only told me last week in front of MIL that he would die without me. I am blessed.

BUT something really strange and very surprising happened to me this week. We had a friend visiting for a few days and OMG I basically think that I have fallen in LUST with the guy. I haven't been able to keep my eyes off him and have been having naughty thoughts about him. There is no way that I would cheat on DH at all so there is no way anything would happen. But I am so shocked at myself. Is this some sort of mid life crisis? Is it a physical thing that happens sometimes when we reach a certain age? I'm early 30s. Don't they say that a woman's sexual peak is about now?

Believe me. This is such a bizarre feeling. I keep thinking about this guy. And I don't even want to.

Slap me. Tell me off. Tell me I am being stupid. Please. It is eating me up.

growingoldgracefully - just because you are on a diet, it doesnt mean you can't look at the menu!! Enjoy it, you know you love your DH and wont act on it. I remember having to work in a very small room (about 8 feet long by 4 foot wide - no window!) with a guy i totally had the hots for, and i felt i had to sit on my hands, he was lovely and we had a real laugh. I would have been horrified if anything had happened, all those feelings would have gone away pretty damn quick, because i, like you, love my partner and thats it

Thank you so much for sharing Excitable.

'I agree that this seems to be more true the older I get, too.' Good to hear. Do you also find that there is no age limit on what you find sexy? Within reason of course. This guy I have a crush on (there girls, you see, I'm admitting it!!) is definitely closer to middle age than me, grey hairs starting and all. Seems to be a new phase in what I find attractive.

We do -usually- talk quite honestly about the attractiveness of other people but I suppose this time I haven't because it's accompanied by these strong urges to do something about it (even though i know I wouldn't iyswim). We're not jealous by nature.

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Big step forward for me today - saw a photo of the guy and thought 'Huh?! Sure he was better looking than that!' He looked very average. Maybe he works better in the flesh...with those twinkley eyes and strong arms... Oh, there I go again...

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Fantasy is a wonderful thing. And I'm sorry but what the object of your lust looks like is irrelevant IME. Enjoy it but don't act on it. It will enliven life hugely for a while.

I really wonder if it's possible to live monogamously for ever and ever without sometimes fancying someone else. I'd be amazed if my DH hadn't ever pondered about playing away - which is fine, acting on that wouldn't be.

Oh goodness how could people be together for 12 years and not have the odd crush. I love hearing about dps crushes - they're all on older women at work - we've been together since we were 21, if he told me that he never had a crush since then i just wouldn't believe him at all and think he was either odd or lying. I tell dp when i fancy someone too - the fact that i can tell him makes him actually more secure - i don't feel the need to act on it in any way.

Hope you're feeling better GrowingOldGracelessly

And I agree that older men seem to be much more attractive than they used to be.

Mm... twinkly eyes and strong arms... mm.. he does sound yummy...

thanks excitable

I'm 'calming down' a bit but not helped by the fact that DH is now away for a week...

omg
he is chatting to me online right now and being really really flirty

be still my little heart...

block him. and think how your DH would feel if he got back and saw any of these conversations. alternative how would you feel if you were away for a week and DH was chatting up a bird online?

thank you thank you

that's the sort of bucket of cold water I need