Another porn thread

[lovemesonegerkins]

Hi everyone . I know we have had a lot of these the last few weeks but I need some help . Been with partner nearly ten years . I have issues with porn because my ex had an addiction and it ruined me . He wouldn't have sex with me for 6 months at a time and I found find lorn stashed everywhere . Spunky socks under the bed . I was so pathetic that one day I actually asked him to sleep with me because I needed to feel loved . He walked up to me put his face in mine and said that I turned him sick and he went up stairs and watched porn .
I could go on and on . He would have dirty photos and videos sent to him by friends and even girls who he was cheating on me with . I had a miscarriage and on the way back from the hospital when he was getting petrol I found a spare phone . Full on porn and photos and videos off a few girls where we live . I was devastated. So as you can guess still all these years on I am still not over it .
So I told my partner about this and told him that I can't have porn in the relationship. He agreed . Years go on and I find that he has been looking at it . I felt like i did years ago . I was heart broken . I ended it and then after thinking about it took him back but it was so hard. And still is . I honestly felt like I had been cheated on again . So he swore he would never watch it again . He was stupid . Now it's been a few years on and for some reason I had a feeling he had been watching it one day last week . We hadn't had sex in a good ten days due to working long hours . I just go on his laptop and had a look at his history and in the last 7 days no pornhub like last time but this site I have never heard of. 69sextube. I click on it and it's full of porn . Also love sex cam links . Now I know these live sex cams can pop up depending on what your watching on there. He watched all boxing and football .
I'm just wondering if anyone has heard of this site and has it popped up on their computer without actually going on it ? Sorry for the essay I have no one else in real life that I want to talk to about all this

I'd say he's been watching porn, sorry
I'm struggling with something similar and I know where you are coming from.
Your ex sounds absolutely vile, I guess many men can watch it just as a little release and it doesn't necessarily mean they are going to become addicts.
I'm struggling with all this shit too though and trying to get my head around it. I can also appreciate a nice looking man without wanting to watch him wanking himself or performing in a porn scene. I just don't get it all but trying to understand.
However the fact he promised you and theeb broke the promise would hurt me more than the actual porn use

Hi op Thankyou got replying ❤️. I feel pretty alone . I know loads of people don't get it at all as in how we feel the way we do about it and I honestly wish I was one of those people I really do . I did speak to my friends about it the last time it happened and they said I need to see a someone to talk to like a therapist. I have got an appointment. The doctors are referring me from our chat this morning. Not related to porn but my anxiety . Also caused by my ex 😅. Mad what someone can do to you isn't it . I think he had been watching it again too . He got caught last time because he phone was linked to the iPad so when I went on there it all came up . He even denied that too until I showed him . He couldn't get of it it then . I think he thought he deleted it off his phone and it wouldn't show else where . So this time I think he thought it he watches it on his computer I would never know . He's had his computer about two years and I have been on it twice . I'm not in to technology really. I have took a photo of what I found on his laptop . I know if I show him he's going to flip . We have argued about it yesterday. He swore on my life and my daughters life that he hasn't watched it . But you know when someone is lying don't you and this is why I have kept on and on trying to find out . I don't do nothing to upset him or make him feel like shit . Do you mind me asking what your situation is ? I havnt ate all day . Luckily I had half day at work xxx

Also where you wrote about fancying a man and not wanting to watch him wank off . See this is what I can't get in my head either . How men and women are so different. I'm really starting to go off men . Last year his friends form work .married men with young children setting up a group chat sending disgusting porn to each other 🤢 I'm done with the world xxx

Seeing a guy who watches porn, follows porn models in insta, porn pages etc
With my ex dh there were porn issues there too, finding him watching it just after I'd given birth was the worst one. As if I was going through the most important moment of my life and he was wanking himself stupid to porn - yuk yuk yuk
Now I'm coming to terms with the fact that alot of men and women do watch porn in a 'healthy' way and all it is is a quick release extra visual stimulation type thing.
However I would not stand for the lies here. I know he will be ashamed and embarrassed about it all I guess.

In done with men tbh I'd rather be single for ever than experience that gut wrenching feeling that you probably have now and that I've had plenty times too. Feeling not good enough, feeling unattractive I hate it all!!

To be honest (but trying to come across kind!) It sounds like you need to deal with some issues to feel more secure. Your partner lying to you isn't acceptable however the amount he watches doesn't seem to be excessive (you mention gaps of years). Its unfair to put rules in place for one person based on a past experience. They are totally different people and I'm assuming he doesn't treat you how your ex used to. It's like him saying to you, 'my ex cheated on me with a male friends, you can't have male friends anymore.' I imagine you would find this quite unreasonable. I would suggest cutting him some slack and looking into dealing with your past issues.

Can you set up the home safety features on your WiFi? To block porn? Internet providers usually have them or you can download them separately. He can, of course, use his data but that'll eat that up quite quickly I'd imagine.

Are you going to confront him with the proof op?

Thankyou all for your replies . I feel so week . Mentally and I do know I need help . Hopefully the mental health team will contact me soon . I have made an appointment. I know what you mean about he's not the same as my ex but him telling me he doesn't like me having make friends is a lot different to him getting his dick out and wanking off to other women licking each other out . I stupidly pressed on the link when he watched pornhub and it was lesbian porn so you can imagine what I seen. I do really appreciate your reply tho ❤️. And I do wish I was different because living with my thoughts is hell . As for the parent block . The internet was in my name before and I set one up but we moved house and not it's in his name even tho I pay for it 😳 il he asking him later for the password . I really wish he would man up and just admit what he's done . I have wasted half my day feeling like shit . He knows tho if he admired it he would be gone so maybe that's what he is scared of but if he told me he didn't like me doing one thing . That's all I ask of him is just this one thing not to do . I would never in a million years do it x

@2021vibes

Seeing a guy who watches porn, follows porn models in insta, porn pages etc With my ex dh there were porn issues there too, finding him watching it just after I'd given birth was the worst one. As if I was going through the most important moment of my life and he was wanking himself stupid to porn - yuk yuk yuk Now I'm coming to terms with the fact that alot of men and women do watch porn in a 'healthy' way and all it is is a quick release extra visual stimulation type thing. However I would not stand for the lies here. I know he will be ashamed and embarrassed about it all I guess.

I'm so sorry your going through this . I actually read your post ! It's so disrespectful. But I guess they don't see it like that . I'm not allowed a dildo because apparently it makes him feel inadequate 😳 and there been so many days I have been Randy as hell but I would never buy one because of his feelings about it . Pity they couldn't be the same x

@2021vibes

Are you going to confront him with the proof op?

I am 100 percent . I would post on here what I have found but I would prob get thrown off lol ! I know for a fact that adds pop up from watching dodgy streams like live sex cams ect but never have I come across an actually prob site because . I have googled it to see if it is a pop up but more bloody porn keeps being shown . Bloody traumatised myself today 😂

Go and order yourself a decent dildo right this minute, he has no right to tell you what to do and then sneak about watching porn and lie about it to your face!!

This is just going to eat away at your self esteem op. I'm not clear have yiu actually ended the relationship? Or are you still together?

Also yes get yourself some good sex toys! Fuck him.

@2021vibes

Go and order yourself a decent dildo right this minute, he has no right to tell you what to do and then sneak about watching porn and lie about it to your face!!

Ha ha this made me laugh 😊 you know what after the last time I found out he was watching it I was dying to go order one ! And know what if this comes out that he actually still has been watching it whilst I work 14 hours a day ! Even longer some times still coming home and doing every single thing he can look out ! I leave for work at 4 am every morning and he starts later. So defo has the opportunity to do it . Also I remember last week The day I was convinced that he had got up early so had 3 hours spare . He text me then didn't text me for ages after . Also I opened the blinds in our house . Living room for the plants to get some light . I love my plants 😂 even named them lol ! When I was parking on my way home I noticed that they were closed ! X

@Plussizejumpsuit

This is just going to eat away at your self esteem op. I'm not clear have yiu actually ended the relationship? Or are you still together?

Also yes get yourself some good sex toys! Fuck him.

Hi 😊 yes we are still together so after I had my nervous breakdown with him yesterday 😬 he again swore on my life , daughters life that he hasn't been . So all is good today or so he thinks . I don't know how to approach the subject with him . It will go all of two ways either il say it as soon as he walks in and then lose the plot or il keep quiet until later tonight and say don't shout but I found this on your lap top earlier and see what he says to that x

Go on his laptop and type in 'google my activity' and you should be able to see what he has been on, if he has been doing it while signed into google, even if he has deleted it off the laptop history. Im going through this exact situation myself right now i posted a thread about it the other day, mine wont admit it either.

@Lleeaahh1992

Go on his laptop and type in 'google my activity' and you should be able to see what he has been on, if he has been doing it while signed into google, even if he has deleted it off the laptop history. Im going through this exact situation myself right now i posted a thread about it the other day, mine wont admit it either.

Thankyou 😊 I am doing this now but if I click on the welcome to my activity he will get a notification that I'm trying to log in and then he will go mad lol . I'm sorry op 😢 I woundnt wish this feeling on my worse enemy. Have you wrote about it on here ? X

Are u on his laptop? Or are you trying to get on it from one of your own devices? Yes i posted last week, mine wont own up either, i have parenteral settings on the wifi to block porn but he was trying to get around it on mobile data in November, i saw an we broke up and he apologized and swore not to again he promised me, then carried on trying all through out December, i found it last week and he is lying saying he was just testing the parental settings. I feel betrayed and it feels like he has been cheating.

My partner also doesnt allow me to have toys

You need to take control of the course of action you take now OP.

You know he has done something that is a dealbreaker for you and say that he has always known it is a dealbreaker - that if he crossed that boundary you made clear, the relationship would be over.

He has crossed that line, lied to your face and sworn on your child's life. You know he is lying. Him admitting it now he's already done it and lied is, to an extent, irrelevant until you decide what you want to do.

If he admitted it would you be more likely to stay together? Or more likely to leave, because then there would be no way you could both kid yourselves it hadn't happened? Would you trust him again either way? Has this gone too far to get back from now? Is this relationship generally good or bad for your mental health?

You need to ask yourself these sort of questions rather than focusing on him admitting it or not. I hate when people swear on their kids lives when caught out, it's so childish and gross.

Ok so you're still together. But do you actually want to be in this relationship? Doesn't sound like you're getting much from it. You don't need a reason or excuse to end a relationship. It seems like you feel you need evidence of his porn use to confront him and end the relationship. Is that right?

When actually you don't need proof of anything. If you don't want to be with him start steps to end it. You don't need proof of recent porn use. Tbh he's done enough in the past to give you plenty of good reason not to be with him.

he again swore on my life , daughters life that he hasn't been

So to "broken promises", "repeated lying" we can add "thinks he can take you for a fool.". He's not coming out of this well.

My ex said to me "I swear on my daughter's life!"

(Not porn related - he'd fucked someone else.)

I said OK. What would you like me to tell your DD and which method of death do you think she'd prefer? Obviously she needs to know that you've thrown her under the bus and you're sacrificing her in order to get away with shagging around. She's 15, so she'll understand, right? Shall I just tell her you have a wandering penis but you're too much of a coward to say so, so you have sold her life to buy my belief? Should I say that whilst I'm putting her head in the noose, or should I wait until I've kicked the chair away?

Funnily enough he got rather upset 😒

Swearing on kids' lives boils my fucking piss, it really does. It's basically the first automatic response of liars - when someone swears on a child's life, you can be 99.99% sure that they are lying.

I resent porn because you just don't know who is being exploited by it. i refuse to have a relationship with anyone who watches it, if they don't "get" the exploitation thing then they are not empathetic and decent human beings and I want nothing to do with them.