How to approach the ghost

[Silvermockingbird]

Hello all. Just looking for some advice.

I’ll keep it short. Basically I’ve been ghosted. This has hit me pretty hard. I thought everything was going well and in the right direction but obviously not.

My issue is this- the ghost (or ghoster) in question lives local. So local that pre- lockdown I bump into him daily. I feel moving on from this will be tricky as I’ll potentially be faced with a constant reminder of the situation every day.

What should I do when I see him? Should I ask him why? Say hello and just walk by? Stop and ask how it’s going and see if he voluntarily offers an explanation? Not looking forward to any awkward encounters.

Hello (icy politeness) and keep walking. Don’t even slow down.

People who do this sort of thing are never going to come clean and admit that they just weren’t that into you but we’re too cowardly to do the decent thing. You are never going to get an answer from him.

Also, he did the ghosting, so if there is any awkwardness to be felt, it’s on him, not you.

Just blank him like a ghost, pretend you haven't noticed him.

Oh I would be an ice queen. I would glance at him and make eye contact so he knows you’ve seen him but I wouldn’t speak.

Agree with @Sn0tnose

I've had it before. It can be frustrating to want to know why? And why people do this but its not even worth your effort to ask.

Dont give him any more of your time. Just Hi and carry on with your life :)

Am with the blank and ignore!

Or say hi but call him with a different name

Ice Queen definitely

You could always try the down and up look and then look away in contempt.....

Head up, tits out and walk past without acknowledging.
If he talks, give him a look of mid amusement, confusion and withering derision.

In real life I wouldn’t be able to pull it off but it would be what I’d aspire to.

These are great suggestions. I just hope to god I don’t crumble to the ground wailing “why...WHY!?” Snivelling all over the place whilst clinging to his ankles. I guess I have the rest of lockdown to mentally prepare and summon the ice queen within at least!

You need to get past the crumbling stage and get to the angry stage. How dare he treat you like that? The snivelling little worm doesn’t deserve to know that his actions had any sort of impact on you (I am properly snarky today!)

Obviously, cry all you like in the privacy of your own home, but outside of it, all he needs to see is that he didn’t make any great impression and you’ve moved on. He has lost you; all you’ve lost is interest in him.

Practice your best supercilious sneer. Hold your head up and march confidently past.

A poster on the dating thread posted this video about dealing with ghosting.

I think you are in an awkward position of seeing the person again where most of us that have been ghosted don’t have to deal with that. So if I was in your situation I would want to have had some kind of answers before that happens.

Ghosting is cowardly in the extreme.

How long were you dating? Weeks, months, years, decades- the approach would differ.

When I got ghosted and then the ghoster popped up a couple of years later feeling guilty here, there and everywhere trying to turn me into one of his ex-girlfriend friends, I found being confident and not letting him take control and draw me into a conversation helped. So I would sort of grunt "hi" reluctantly if he spoke first and then say nothing else. So he would then be forced into making some generic remark and I would say something bland and non-committal such as "hmmn" or "thats nice" or "oh really" and then say nothing else. So he would then get embarrassed and try to say more and I would look bored and stare into the distance, or say "I have to go now" and move away.

He soon got the message that I wanted nothing to do with him and it still gives me enjoyment to think of how I took back control by doing that. (not going into detail but he really did behave very, very badly indeed).

Whatever you do, the main thing is not to let yourself be drawn into their narrative.

@HotMess2021

Or say hi but call him with a different name

Effiing brilliant

You never know how people react . I politely ended with someone after two dates and he has seen me since then and ignores me .

I would look at hom as if be were just part of the street, yawn and carry on walking by. Basically just disinterested as if you noticed him but couldn't give a shit.

*him as if he were

He does not exist... walk on by with your had held high .. fuck him 🌺

He's a ghost, so treat him as if he literally was a ghost. Walk right into him, pretend you can't see him and loudly proclaim to yourself how fucking weird it is to feel like you've bumped into someone when there is no-one there! Then shiver and ponder aloud why it feels like the temperature has dropped several degrees in 2 secs, get a scared look on your face and quickly walk away looking back every now and then while shuddering!
Or just pretend you can't see him, either way works

How long?

After two dates, cheery wave and move on.

After two years, resting bitch face and ignore.

Yes say hi but call him by a different name. Excellent.

Agree with those who are saying reaction depending on length of relationship! How long was it?

It was only a few months. I think it felt like a bigger deal to me as I’ve not dated in nearly 5 years.