Woke up to him going through my phone

[SelfWanderer]

This happened at the very start of our relationship, after his first time sleeping over at my place.

I hadn’t been unfaithful. There was nothing for him to find. I felt so confused and insulted by this, and I’m worried that it might be a red flag of a controlling nature to come. What do you think? What would you do?

What did he say when you asked him what the hell he was doing??

I'd bin him. It's a gross abuse of trust and a violation not just of your privacy but of any of your loved ones who might have been speaking to you in confidence. That early on I'd ditch and move on.

Nope. Nope nope nope.

There are some things that you just don't do, and going through a phone is one of them. Mine has highly personal information on it, like banking information, work information, etc.

What would I do? I would have been horrified and ended it immediately.

If you didn't bin him off immediately then you're a fool

Get shot, pronto! I would go crazy over this.

He might have been trying to get into your bank or passwords. This is a huge red flag and not the relationship for you.

@tenlittlecygnets

He nonchalantly said, “Just having a look.” As if nothing was wrong with it!

He invaded your privacy for no good reason and it’s bloody creepy that he’s up and about while your asleep.

What else is he doing while your asleep?

[quote SelfWanderer]@tenlittlecygnets

He nonchalantly said, “Just having a look.” As if nothing was wrong with it![/quote]
And you said "like fuck you were" and kicked him out straight away, right? Right!?

Please tell me you're not still with this man.

He did this the very first time he stayed over? I would have told him to get out immediately. It's outrageous that he did that without any provocation at all.

Huge red flag
I would have dumped him for this

I would dump someone instantly for this. It’s an unforgivable intrusion and violation in my view.

@Ohalrightthen

I foolishly didn’t end it with him right then and there. I made excuses, like thinking that maybe he’d had bad experiences before and was looking for reassurance.

But we are no longer together. I came to my senses. He’s tried to get back in touch recently, and now after reading the responses I know not to give him any sort of chance.

Did you not think that he might actually talk to you if he needed reassurance? Perhaps have a think about your boundaries, OP - he really violated yours then.

Good grief! That’s awful!

Thank god you’re not with him anymore

Imagine how much worse he’d be after the best behaviour period wore off!

[quote SelfWanderer]@Ohalrightthen

I foolishly didn’t end it with him right then and there. I made excuses, like thinking that maybe he’d had bad experiences before and was looking for reassurance.

But we are no longer together. I came to my senses. He’s tried to get back in touch recently, and now after reading the responses I know not to give him any sort of chance.[/quote]
Thank god for that. Stand firm! This guy is bad news and without knowing you at all i can tell you for sure, you deserve better.

Christ - no -

That is nutter behaviour. Run a flippin mile

@SelfWanderer

This happened at the very start of our relationship, after his first time sleeping over at my place.

I hadn’t been unfaithful. There was nothing for him to find. I felt so confused and insulted by this, and I’m worried that it might be a red flag of a controlling nature to come. What do you think? What would you do?

@SelfWanderer run. Fast. Your instincts are right, it is controlling and uncalled for. So not worth it.

@partyatthepalace

Christ - no -

That is nutter behaviour. Run a flippin mile

This.

Also put a screen lock on your phone. If you ever go back to work in an office or lose your phone you will be glad you have. You can put an emergency contact message on the screen lock.

Sorry I don’t understand. If you’ve finished things why are you asking what to do? Or is it that you are having second thoughts?

Were there other red flags?

Glad you ended it.

My most recent ex gave me permission to use his phone and laptop whenever I liked. I knew the password to both.

Even with his permission, I didn't use either without him knowing about it because it just felt wrong.

There is no way I'd search through someone's phone even of I suspected them of something.

If i didn't trust them to the extent I felt I needed to, I'd end it.

Strange behaviour.

Ah. Glad you ended it. Huge red flag - especially in such a new relationship.

No one owns us or our belongings or our privacy . Please don’t take him back. He doesn’t understand how to be respectful.