Woke up to him going through my phone

[SelfWanderer]

This happened at the very start of our relationship, after his first time sleeping over at my place.

I hadn’t been unfaithful. There was nothing for him to find. I felt so confused and insulted by this, and I’m worried that it might be a red flag of a controlling nature to come. What do you think? What would you do?

I know his passwords and he knows mine, we often use each other's phones for Amazon/Netflix etc but I'd never take advantage of that trust to snoop on his private convos and I'm pretty much 100% sure he would also afford me the same.

Block him and don't look back!

This happened to me when I was dating someone a few years ago. The guy turned out to be a massive unhinged stalker that my friends feared would kill me. It was very hard to get rid of him. If you are still with this man, please get rid.

I think people often complain that mumsnetters are too happy to advise "LTB". And its easy to argue to yourself that its silly to dump someone for a tiny one of thing. But in the early stages of the relationship I think its really really good to have extremely firm boundaries and high standards. Otherwise, you do end up in long term relationships with someone who checks your phone and at that point it is extremely hard to break up your family just because of that. But in the early stages it is easy so you should do it then to save yourself problems later on because no-one really wants to be in that sort of relationship. This is advise I wish I had given myself in the past however, not advice I followed at the time. So I wouldnt blame yourself too much for not seeing it as a red flag back then.

Just to add, having kids/a house/wedding photos is also no reason to stay in a bad relationship of course.

Would like to preface that I’m not excusing his behaviour, however how did he get into your phone? Please put a secure passcode on it; you probably don’t realise the sheer amount of sensitive data someone can access via your phone. Saved passwords of everything from email accounts to PayPal, which can then be used to hack your other accounts inc banking. Or your social media dms, private WhatsApp’s/texts, intimate photos etc

Goes without saying that he’s creepy for snooping through your phone, he was probably planning it out for a while and waited until you were asleep🤮

Also if you use Face ID, set it to only respond to movement eg your eyes being open and engaging with the device