Please don’t judge me, I already feel like a horrible person. I’ve been up all night worrying about this and I’m not sure what I should do.
Boyfriend of a year and I have had some problems lately, mainly trust issues. He went over to his mates house on Thursday night for a couple of drinks and wouldn’t answer the phone to me the whole time he was there which made me think he might be cheating or doing something shady. We had a huge argument on Friday and he basically dumped me and said we were done. He didn’t deny or admit that he was with another woman so I don’t know for certain what actually happened that night or if there were any women even around at the time. Most of his friends are single and mess around a lot so the possibility is there imo. On Friday night I ended up having a drink in the house, got a bit tipsy and feeling sorry for myself I decided to message an old fwb. The conversation turned flirty/inappropriate quite quickly and as a result I sent nude pics and inappropriate messages. I felt like a piece of shit straight away and asked him to delete the convo and so did I. We haven’t spoken since and I don’t want to ever again.
Ex got back in touch yesterday afternoon to tell me that he was sorry, he promised that he hadn’t been cheating and that he was just trying to have a good night with the lads and that I kept on putting pressure on him to answer the phone. Apparently it annoyed him that I kept on ringing when he just wanted to have a good night and he felt that I didn’t trust him. I love and adore him and can’t imagine being with anyone else. Looking back now I do think I was paranoid and I don’t think he cheated. I want to be with him but I feel like a horrid person for what I’ve done. Should I tell him or just keep this horrible secret to myself? The relationship will 100% be over if I tell him, I’m certain of it. On the other hand I’m not sure I can keep a secret like this, it will eat me up inside looking at him everyday when I know what I’ve done.