Boyfriend using my things

[robotrosie]

Ok so this may sound odd but I've noticed lately that I'm having to replace things a lot more regularly. I've been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years but we don't live together. He comes to my house more often than I go to his as he has a housemate. He'll use things like paracetamol, face creams etc which means they go down twice as quickly than if I was just using them myself. He does always ask, but it's in a way that would make me sound unreasonable if I said no. I'm getting through all these items super quickly and he never replaces them. I brought it up and he almost seemed a little offended that I had. Am I being unreasonable?

My step daughter used to do this until she came to stay and I emptied my stuff out the bathroom - she came down and asked "where all the stuff was" I said MY STUFF bring your own and she did after that - he just needs telling

Nope. Not at all.

He sounds like he needs a little tutorial on Being A Grown Up And Paying Your Way.

Hes a free loader. A taker. Get rid.

I wouldn’t begrudge my boyfriend using things if he was staying at mine (which he does as I have a dog so can’t stay at his) if he needs paracetamol etc then all fair enough. I often add his shower gel/deodorant to my weekly shop if it’s on offer for him to use. He always did this for me when I did stay at his and he will often pick me stuff up from the supermarket if I ask.

If the face cream is expensive then I would just keep it in my drawer though, he would use anything and not notice!

Ask him to help you with your makeup tab.
That will blow his mind and his wallet.

I had one like this. Always asked in a way I'd have sounded like a twat if I'd said no. He'd drink all the nice soft drinks I bought, use all my toiletries and good hair products, eat any expensive chocolate I'd bought, etc etc. He never had much in when I went round so it didn't work both ways. Unfortunately he moved in with me and turned into a class A cocklodger

This sounds just like my long term live in partner (I know this sounds ridiculous)..... But I've seen an opportunity to rant. I pay for 90%of the shopping which includes invisible things like toiletries, batteries, detergents etc. He uses up all the drinks /toiletries /batteries etc. Then when he does the remaining shop, he buys the cheapest crap he can find without having to think about any of the invisible things that I have to buy. I'm fed up with it!!!!!!

OMG just say "you've been taking my paracetamol and I'm out, can you pick up another box when you come over". This does not need to be a MN thread!

The male of the species is thinking he has moved back with mommy.

How much paracetamol and face cream can one guy use on a visit? Is he staying over with you a lot and almost moved in by stealth?

@gannett As much as I appreciate your very helpful reply, has it occurred to you that I may have already tried that and he doesn't EVER replace anything?

@category12 They are just examples, and he will use a bit of everything, all the time! He stays probably 5 nights out of 7 (he's not here in the day) which means I'm getting through much much more of everything than I would on my own.

[quote robotrosie]@gannett As much as I appreciate your very helpful reply, has it occurred to you that I may have already tried that and he doesn't EVER replace anything? [/quote]
In that case things are sounding quite dire - you've pointed out his error, and he's not adjusted his behaviour. He is obviously taking advantage.

This is a huge red flag.

Why don't you just go shopping together and pay 50:50? Or take it in turns to pay?

Give him a shopping list of just girlie stuff. Makeup remover, tampons etc etc.
He might get the message and tell em you pay him back when you have small notes.

If you've asked him to replace your things and he doesn't then you know you're not being unreasonable.

Five nights out of seven sounds like he’s living there, he needs to pay his way with more expenses than face cream I’d say. Does he shower there have meals, watch tv, have drinks?

Well, if he's a manipulative dickhead why are you continuing the relationship?

Refusing to replace things he's used when explicitly asked is behaviour too tiresome to put up with.

Does he buy half the food or pay anything towards bills? If he shares the cost of a supermarket shop can you just bung the paracetamol and face stuff in so he at least ends up getting half?

Like I say, make him stand in line at the chemist for that box of tampons you want him to get.
He will get the message.
He will feel like some smuck in an American TV sitcom.

[quote robotrosie]@category12 They are just examples, and he will use a bit of everything, all the time! He stays probably 5 nights out of 7 (he's not here in the day) which means I'm getting through much much more of everything than I would on my own. [/quote]
Basically he has moved in.

I'd either reduce the amount of nights he's staying, or expect him to contribute - by bringing shopping or paying half when you shop.

Does he do anything round your home or are you treating him like a guest?

You’ve got three choices. You bin him, you put up with it, or you tell him he’s here 2/3s of the week and needs to contribute to the shopping a bit. If he’s offended or grumpy about your request then he’s really not someone that you want to spend your life with. (as things stand does he pay for anything? Weekly takeaway, for example, as a thank you?)

Or indeed give him the boot for being a skinflint & user, if you've asked him to replace things he uses up and doesn't.

Alright if he is not moving in, tell me about him.
I'm dating again!