Boyfriend using my things

[robotrosie]

Ok so this may sound odd but I've noticed lately that I'm having to replace things a lot more regularly. I've been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years but we don't live together. He comes to my house more often than I go to his as he has a housemate. He'll use things like paracetamol, face creams etc which means they go down twice as quickly than if I was just using them myself. He does always ask, but it's in a way that would make me sound unreasonable if I said no. I'm getting through all these items super quickly and he never replaces them. I brought it up and he almost seemed a little offended that I had. Am I being unreasonable?

Just tell him ' your here 5 nights a week, eating, paracetamol etc you will need to start contributing to the expense' if he's decent he will, if not, time to get rid

Alright if he is not moving in, tell me about him.
I'm dating again! ? What...

He's seen that you are a soft touch, and he's realised that he can easily guilt trip you into allowing his behaviour. In effect, you are supporting a comfortable life style for him.

You've spoken to him about your concerns, but he ignored that. He's beginning to control your behaviour and making you question your own attitude where it clashes with what's best for him.

Is he worth it? What does he bring to the relationship that enhances your own life? Be wary, you are on the slippery slope to a life with a selfish manipulator.

He is virtually living with you it doesn’t look good as he has cocklodger in training red flags all over.
Does he think the fairies just supply this stuff and he doesn’t think or does he not care?
Can you let stuff run out (keep an emergency stash somewhere he won’t look like tampon box or your handbag) or just leave a really small amount like 2 paracetamol in the box and see what he says or does when he uses up the last of them.
That will say a lot - the fact is he is happy to carryon using your stuff at your expense, but if he is happy to use your last ones and leave you with none will be the test.

If he does say something then you can react accordingly depending on if he actually does or just offers to replace it or if he expects you to.
If he says nothing and leaves you without then I think you have to consider a tough conversation.

If he’s living with you 70% of the time he needs to be

Paying a third of rent, bills, insurance, food and toiletries etc
Doing his share of housework, shopping, cooking , cleaning

If he’s there all weekend too then it’s probably half.

Are you claiming council tax discount or any benefits as a single person?

So he has actually half moved in and you are paying for everything because he is mean.

Meanness is NEVER accidental.
It is ALWAYS deliberate

It is ALWAYS with the intention of getting one over on someone.

It is ALWAYS the sign of someone who is NOT going to have your back and someone who will instinctively put themselves first.

It is a massive RED FLAG.

By all means try and fix it and waste your time...your choice.

But you will regret it.

You will regret not cutting you losses and dumping him.

He is NOT a man you want to have children with.

You have spoken to him and he just doesn't care.

That is because his money is the most important thing to him.

Good luck.

And OP, you have huge boundary issues and self respect issues that you would put up with this shit from him.

Remember that.

Those with poor boundaries are open to abuse and being taken advantage of.

Just like you have.

You badly need to to take some time to think about the type of future you want.
You sound too nice....

Excellent post billy

That's exactly what I think. I couldn't get past the fact he's knowingly not stepping up to the mark.

Do you cook dinner for him and is he coming round with wine and flowers?

Funny how freeloaders will happily use up Keratase shampoo or Occitane shower gel but accuse you of being mean if you only leave out say Lidl or Wilkos own brand toiletries in the bathroom to use.

Yeah it tells you everything you need to know.

You spoke to him, he ignored you.

Massive red flag. If you want confirmation, hide all the stuff he tends to use. If he asks where it is, tell him "Oops, we've run out, your turn to replace it, right?"

The response will tell you what you need to know.

Paracetamol costs about 20p for a pack does it not even out with his travel costs?

I think it's probably more than the paracetamol to be honest @yvanka - the OP hasn't said but i'm betting she is providing EVERYTHING, dinner, sex, amazon prime, shower with lashings of hot water, maybe even doing his laundry, I dunno she hasn't said but I bet she is. And as I said in an earlier post - is he coming round with wine and flowers? Probably not. If it was just a 20p packet of paracetamol she wouldn't be posting here would she.

[quote robotrosie]@category12 They are just examples, and he will use a bit of everything, all the time! He stays probably 5 nights out of 7 (he's not here in the day) which means I'm getting through much much more of everything than I would on my own. [/quote]
Yes, it's called a cocklodger and is an unfortunately quite common invasive species :)

Google it, then get rid!

Not a keeper.

Does he have a lot of money himself?
He may have just not noticed because they aren’t things he has to worry about?

If he’s skint though, he definitely knows, and if he’s not replacing things when you ask then he’s selfish.
It’s already tiresome to have to coach him to be a non selfish human being. Imagine 50 years from now, when he’s even more complacent.
Just bin him now and save yourself the hassle

5 nights a week? Really.. He sounds like a right prince. If you can't face telling him not to come round then do as another PP mentioned, hide all your stuff in a box so there is nothing for him to use! Or tell him to sod off.

If you’ve already said something to him about it and he’s not apologised and made it right, then I think he is taking the piss and needs go.

@robotrosie
He's staying 5 out of 7 nights??
He needs to be paying half for everything or get rid he'll be a free loader
More to the point you obviously don't like him enough or have doubts otjerwiseyoud be living together properly

He Sounds very immature how old are you both??

Just ask him outright to bring his own or replace the stock periodically. First thing I did when I started staying at dp's was bring toiletries and other essentials to leave there and I would generally bring a meal in with me for Friday night and he would pay for most other things. We now live together and just share costs but never bother counting because it's a relationship built on trust rather than money

Give him a draw and tell him to put his stuff in that!

Why don't you clear a space in the bathroom and tell that's for his toiletries. He should then bring a stash of his own stuff over to leave at yours so he's got stuff to use.

Does he also eat at yours 5 days of the week? If he doesn't contribute to food bills etc you'll have to talk to him again. Refuse to have him over more than once or twice a week because you can't afford to support both of you.

If he's there most of the time, suggest he brings a bag with some toiletries in for himself.

Paracetamol cost about 12p a box, and surely normal people only need to grab 2 tablets every once in a while, right?

But you need to sit down and talk about it. Talk about the fact that he's there so much now, and that you need him to contribute.

I wouldn't talk about it. Like the pp says, he knows he's organising himself freebies from you. Its not that he's taking the stuff it's that he's knowingly treating you like a fool.

Saying 5 nights out of 7 is about as close as you can get to moving in without the commitment.

Tell him he needs to bring over a stash of his stuff because you can't afford to sub stuff 5/7 nights and it's adding up - give him a drawer or something.

How long have you been together? If he's staying that often and it's awkward to tell him he's taking the piss then it sounds like maybe it's too soon for him to be basically moving in?