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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Advice for divorcing SAHM

66 replies

Kroebero · 09/01/2021 09:32

My best friend is divorcing her alcoholic husband and it’s turned nasty. He’s self-employed (perhaps that’s not the right way of saying it, he’s not a tradesman, he has his own multi-million pound business) and he’s told her she won’t get a penny from him because he’s hidden everything. She’s distraught. He’s refusing to send any money to her at all, everything is in his name.

OP posts:

tropicalwaterdiver · 09/01/2021 14:14

@Viviennemary

I find it a bit strange that a millionaire and his wife and three children were living in a rented property. Is your friend sure her ex is as rich as she thinks he is.

I would say it's possible for the building assets phase but unfortunate for OP's friend.

After she gets all benefits, living situation etc. sorted, she needs to look for a lawyer with a very specific set of skills to go after the company's shares. Can she proved that she helped to build the company?

tropicalwaterdiver · 09/01/2021 14:21

@classiestgal

He also can’t hide money. The solicitors are wise to that.

Of course he can... people do it on a very large scale. It doesn't imply that he was getting money on his account and then transferred it to somewhere. In assets hiding schemes money don't go t his UK bank account. Have you heard about Paradise papers?

tropicalwaterdiver · 09/01/2021 14:26

OP, there should be quick Covid grants available from councils for people who struggle with food and other living expenses durinb lockdown. It's very short term solution but might help with immediate food expenses. Find her council helpline for her or you can call them yourself and explain the situation and ask for help.

Original poster

Kroebero · 09/01/2021 14:28

I don’t know really... she thinks he is. The house, the lifestyle they lead has always been so amazing. She doesn’t seem to have her name on anything though!!! She said even the last house that they owned was in his name, she didn’t care at all because they were married so half hers anyway?!! She’s said the money that goes through his account that she was spending was a lot! So I can’t understand how it’s all disappeared and hidden but it not be illegal? I don’t really know though. She’s in a bad headspace and convinced she wouldn’t be entitled to benefits because of his money but she’s going to have to start applying for UC. Thanks for advice everyone.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kroebero · 09/01/2021 14:29

Also not saying the money has disappeared- we don’t know. That’s what he is saying but he’s cancelled her cards so she has no access to anything.

OP posts:

hashbrownsandwich · 09/01/2021 14:30

Hiding finances when the time comes to declare them, is illegal. If he doesn't do the form E correctly and it turns out he's hiding money he could be done for perjury.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 09/01/2021 14:40

He's been very shrewd and the timing of this is very convenient for him - ie there isn't a marital home. She needs to stop panicking and start thinking.

Get the word round all your local friends and find a shit hot lawyer. This is vital. She'll need a forensic accountant too. That has to be the first priority for Monday, applying for benefits is something you can give her a hand with today/tomorrow.

PS she won't lose her children simply by being homeless. The one thing in her favour is that she is primary carer and the children are very young.

breatheinskipthegym · 09/01/2021 14:42

I have been in almost exactly this position. 4 years on and divorce isn’t concluded, he’s spent all our marital assets on his OW, and I’m raising the children on benefits (SEN and serious illness in the children, plus his unreliability over access impeded my ability to work). I’ve probably lost between £400,000 and £600,000 that I’ll never see. She needs a solicitor to act immediately and decisively on freezing assets, pensions etc and getting to the point where he has to declare his assets. It seems that otherwise, once they’re gone, they’re gone. Additionally she needs to do all the benefits claiming etc - she’s a single mother and assessing her eligibility is based on that, not her estranged husband’s inaccessible money.

She needs to steel herself, but know that she will get there. I have made a number of bold and positive moves including relocating for family support, and it’s only now that I’m studying/employable etc once more and life is falling into place.

Original poster

Kroebero · 09/01/2021 15:08

@breatheinskipthegym that’s terrible!! Sorry to hear about all that - can’t believe anyone would do this to their children Her ex is a shit dad, not interested in them at all and is only threatening to take them to upset her - he wouldn’t know how to look after them for one day on his own. Pathetic man that he is!

OP posts:

TitsOot4Xmas · 09/01/2021 15:15

But presumably this isn’t new. If he was a shit father with #1, why go and do it twice more?!

Why has she been so passive in her own life?

Original poster

Kroebero · 09/01/2021 15:22

@TitsOot4Xmas glad I’m on here and not her. She’s at rock bottom, maybe find someone else to kick?

OP posts:

TitsOot4Xmas · 09/01/2021 15:26

I wasn’t kicking her. I’m asking whats happened that she hasn’t seen what risk she’s put herself in before.

MiddlesexGirl · 09/01/2021 17:33

You're kicking her.

C0NNIE · 09/01/2021 21:37

She doesn’t need to prove that she contributed to the company. Any shares that he owns are a marital asset, same as his savings, pensions, bank accounts, insurance policies. If he has property in the company name then that’s all part of the assets.

It gets more complicated if he has given away his shares to his family members etc.

She needs to find a solicitor who has experience of divorce with high net worth individuals and she needs to do this on MONDAY. He has probably already moved assets off shore etc, time is of the essence here.

blisstwins · 10/01/2021 01:11

She needs legal advice. Period. In the US, many lawyers will take a case and sue the high earner spouse for legal fees. The court will often approve this for a sahp with little access to money. If it is complicated, she may need to borrow money for a retainer. In the US moving to a cheap apartment would hurt her. Courts usually try to preserve the circumstances for the children. Her life will not be the same financially, but if he earns as much as she says he will have to pay considerable chip support. Bottom line is she needs legal advice pronto and she was very silly for never getting even a credit card in her own name—all women should at least do that.

blueshoes · 10/01/2021 01:47

@Kroebero

Yes it’s rented. They used to own a really lovely house but they wanted to build a huge place so they sold that one and they’ve been renting this current place for a while trying to purchase the perfect piece of land and are planning to build a massive house on it. At least that’s what she thought - it does feel now as though he had this planned all along and can obviously just pull out of buying the land anyway. He is saying he’s still going to go ahead and buy it and build his own place though, I don’t see how he can do that without it being a marital asset?! Perhaps that’s why he hasn’t done it yet. It’s very complex. Meanwhile she’s struggling to buy food for the kids this week.

He's planned it. Sold the old property and squirrelled away the proceeds abroad.

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