Advice for divorcing SAHM

[Kroebero]

My best friend is divorcing her alcoholic husband and it’s turned nasty. He’s self-employed (perhaps that’s not the right way of saying it, he’s not a tradesman, he has his own multi-million pound business) and he’s told her she won’t get a penny from him because he’s hidden everything. She’s distraught. He’s refusing to send any money to her at all, everything is in his name.

Sell the furniture and electronics.

@C0NNIE thank you - I’m not sure I’ve described him accurately at all. We’re both a bit clueless, he’s a shrewd businessman and also a top shelf alcoholic arsehole!!

If your friend has access to the house she needs to copy / photograph every single bit of paperwork she can find. Especially about the business.

Company and personal tax returns would be excellent. Anything about property, cars, shares, pensions.

Thanks she is doing that. He is saying he’s hidden everything and she’ll end up with nothing, he’s going to take the children as she’ll be homeless.

He may well have hidden everything but if she can find anything that proves his income that would help. She needs to claim benefits and stay put in the house. As he has stopped paying the rent she will get an eviction notice. She can then apply for social housing and there might be something suitable. Can she still access his bank account?

He’s not self employed if he is the director of a limited company. The company is a legal entity in its own right and the money belongs to the company, not the husband.

Very sorry as it looks like very difficult situation. Going from millionaire lifestyle to benefits is a huge shift.

It's extremely difficult to make to pay someone who doesn't want to pay. If the money is abroad or offshore without access to his accounting docs, it's practically impossible to find. I recall Michelle Young case...

Why are they divorcing? Did she initiate it? Or did he find someone else? As it looks to me he was preparing for that hiding his assets.

Posters here rightly advised to starf with practicalities which are straightforward to implement.

@tropicalwaterdiver thank you! I’m finding it hard to offer any help as I’m neither a millionaire or struggling on benefits myself, very much average boring financial set up and I don’t understand the situation well at all! I can’t understand how he could hide everything if he’s managing to rent these massive properties though - wouldn’t he have to be proving income for that? He has initiated the divorce, he’s run off with a girls who works from him. It’s very cliche, terrible for her though she’s in a really bad state and due to Covid rules I can’t have her to stay with me. Just crap

I find it a bit strange that a millionaire and his wife and three children were living in a rented property. Is your friend sure her ex is as rich as she thinks he is.

Ok. Tell her she needs to calm down and stop with the dramatics. I’m saying this kindly but she needs to be wooden and non emotional. Nobody is taking the kids and you’ve already said she can stay with parents so she won’t be homeless. She’s going to need a bigger backbone and much less emotion if she’s going to get through this. Sorry to be tough but this is now purely a business transaction. If she can see him as an obstacle that needs to be worked round and not be prone to outbursts that make no sense it will be much better for her. She should ask the gp for referral to a therapist.

He also can’t hide money. The solicitors are wise to that.

They should base her payments on the last set of filed accounts. Look on companies house and find the profit and loss

He's a multi millionaire and they live in a rented house ?
Her sol must be crap as they should have already put in a claim for interim spousal maintenance and should be hiring a forensic accountant . Why arse about with benefits when there is a husband who legally has to pay ?

I can’t understand how he could hide everything if he’s managing to rent these massive properties though - wouldn’t he have to be proving income for that?

If the company is renting them, it won’t have anything to do with his income, which could well be as low as £700 a month.

She also needs to find a solicitor who will do the work based on getting the fees paid from the final settlement rather than upfront. I think she needs somebody better and who has dealt with abuse before

What area is she based in and we can maybe advise somebody

Yes it’s rented. They used to own a really lovely house but they wanted to build a huge place so they sold that one and they’ve been renting this current place for a while trying to purchase the perfect piece of land and are planning to build a massive house on it. At least that’s what she thought - it does feel now as though he had this planned all along and can obviously just pull out of buying the land anyway. He is saying he’s still going to go ahead and buy it and build his own place though, I don’t see how he can do that without it being a marital asset?! Perhaps that’s why he hasn’t done it yet. It’s very complex. Meanwhile she’s struggling to buy food for the kids this week.

Your friend needs to put in a claim for universal credit today via www.gov.uk as a single parent

She needs to put in a claim for child maintenance via CSA/CMS

Get child benefit paid to her

Get her own bank account

Start divorce

In time look for employment

He is saying he’s still going to go ahead and buy it and build his own place though, I don’t see how he can do that without it being a marital asset?!

AGAIN if the COMPANY is buying it then it is not a marital asset. Lots of company directors act as though the company money and property is theirs, but legally, which is what matters, it absolutely isn’t.

Perhaps start looking for somewhere cheaper to rent too

Unfair the ex gets to swan off into the distance, without a backward glance

@Z2hnZag345

Perhaps start looking for somewhere cheaper to rent too

Unfair the ex gets to swan off into the distance, without a backward glance

The thing is he doesn't IF you do the right thing - speak to a sol and get the ball moving !

What a nightmare for your friend! I am sorry 😐

It sounds like he planned this. Sorry. Your friend could talk to citizens advice for benefits advice and the job centre. Look at the gingerbread and women’s aid website. I think really she needs a better solicitor who knows about financial abuse and will not charge her until the settlement comes through

Also she can probably benefit from any solicitor in England right now as most will be doing zoom consultations.

awhsolicitors.co.uk/articles/family/what-is-financial-abuse/

www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/separating/money/