Feeling like I want to disappear

[Feelingblue21]

I’m feeling really blue today. I want to disappear for a few weeks, just to see whether anyone cared. When I came back, maybe people would tell me they love me. Maybe they would say that I mean something to them. Maybe they would tell me they missed me.
(Who am I kidding, they would yell at me for being selfish and irresponsible.)

I’m not going to disappear. But if anyone has anything nice to say about me, I really need to hear it right now. Problem is that I don’t know how to get them to say it . I can’t email my friends and colleagues saying “tell me why you like me, tell me why I matter.” And if I did maybe they wouldn’t have anything to say after all. I’m hurting and it would mean the absolute world to me right now to have an unsolicited compliment or thanks from somebody, to know I mean anything.

Hi! So sorry to hear you're feeling that way!

You're an absolutely beautiful person who's life matters. Your feelings are completely valid and it's such a lonely difficult time right now more than ever. There's quite a few good free help lines that you can call to chat to someone. One being Samaritans (116 123). Or you can text the shout helpline and someone will reply, it's a 24/7 text support service (85258). You don't have to be considering ending your life to call them. You can just be feeling low and in despair.

Things will be okay! I'm 100% certain people would miss you if you disappeared for a few weeks. No matter what you think, you make a difference to the people around you, a positive difference.

Sending so much love.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, but you're definitely NOT alone in feeling this way.

Does your work have any counsellors or similar ? i know a lot of companies are doing this to help their staff cope with the huge stresses they're under right now.

I'm also 100% positive that your friends and family would miss you and be worried about you too !

I get that you'd expect to get an earful from them if you DID 'disappear' for a few days, but it's because they love you and would be worried sick about you, remember that.

I'm feeling weirder than normal. Live in an area of gossips and the 'pressure' of that, along with the prolonged isolation has made me realise what a sad life I live. People have experienced my life this past year - this was my life pre-pandemic. I scrutinise everything! I normally don't give a hoot what anyone thinks of me, now I do. Yet no one but one neighbour and the shop keeper has spoken to me in weeks. Sure, I speak to DC and one other person every few days (DS "We don't have to talk everyday you know Mum") DD is a pre-schooler. I am normally upbeat and optimistic. Today? I see my weirdness in full effect. Being myopic is great if navel gazing!
OP - You matter. I matter. I love your bravery and timing with your post! If you can be brave with just one person in RL then that'd be great, if not please hear this: I care! I hear you! I identify with what you have written! I like the way you have written it! You truly deserve plenty of compliments, a true mirror (someone who in RL says what they see in you, especially the lovely stuff), and very much more besides!!!!
THANK YOU for your post, honesty and bravery!!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU!!!!

You only need to matter to yourself. It does not matter what others think of you, or how much they do or do not value you. You have to learn to love and value yourself op - to look yourself in the eye and know you are pretty darn good just as you are.

No one can feel that space, you need to feel that space. So go and write ten things that are positive and great about you. Stick it by your toothbrush holder and read it twice a day at least. Then take yourself out and by some beautiful flowers, the more expensive the better, your favourite dinner and no one else's. You run a bath, you pour in every bubble mixture you can find and really nourish your skin.

And you look after yourself, for you - and only you.

You are alive, you are blessed and you matter.

**fill

Oh these lovely replies have brought me to tears. Thank you 💗

People you know may be feeling the same. Are you making an effort to contact them to tell them what you appreciate about them?

I think you are worth everything in the world. The fact that you wonder shows you have empathy. Cherish yourself! Have a great day.

Listen to @Icanseegreenshoots . She's talking sense!

In addition to looking after yourself and prioritising your own needs and preferences- because you can- check out the people who are not appreciating you. Decide whether you want to change your relationship with them.

I did that a few years ago and it was revolutionary. I looked at my needy kids and decided that was ok- kids are allowed to take me for granted, albeit some teaching of manners wouldn't go amiss! I looked at DH and decided to stop doing all the things I did because I thought he liked it, and only do what I want. We are much happier, though he still hasn't worked out where sex went... it was due to return when he tried equally hard to think about what I want.

You can't ask people to be nice to you, and you don't value it when you have to ask. You can train people up though.
If you lend something -'was it useful? I thought it was worth digging it out for you, if it saved you some time'.
Big yourself up 'did you enjoy your dinner? It took ages and was quite fiddly, shall I make it again?'
If you look nice, because you've made an effort 'look, I'm wearing my hat. I feel great when I wear this hat, like a polar explorer!'

Sometimes you need to push yourself to the front of people's attention. It doesn't come easy to some of us, but you need to because other people won't!

I just wanted to come on and send a hug. You're not alone. I feel like this today too. Like I want to run far far away with my OH children and dog and never come back. It's so hard sometimes. I've never felt so stuck in all my life .

pickle So right - you have nailed it far better than me in your post. When I stopped pleasing everyone else and started pleasing myself I stopped needing their validation. I no longer needed it.

I also know when I am doing way too much for others when I start to feel unappreciated. I know once again I am giving way too much of myself to everyone around me.

Why not start by asking each and every time you do anything at all, is this for me or for someone else? (except kids)
If it is for someone else have they been caring for you/looking after you? Is it an equal relationship that works both ways, or are you doing all of the giving?

One of my biggest regrets in life was not learning such a simple thing forty years ago. I thought I was being a good friend/daughter/colleague etc by constantly giving all of the time, when actually I didn't need to. If I had spent a fraction of that precious resource caring for me, because I matter as much as everyone else, then I would have not got into debt/put up with shoddy users/had bad relationships and lost my youth pleasing others!

You are there to please yourself. Thats it. Your loyalty is to you.
After that, and only after that have a good look and make sure all important others in your life are putting an equal amount of love/time/effort into your needs.

Hi Feelingblue21, we can see you've had some lovely responses so far but we're going to move your thread over to our Relationships topic as we feel that's a better place for it than AIBU, which can be a bit blunt at times.

We're sorry you're feeling so low. We know you've been on the site for a good few years now (and for the record, we've never, ever had to delete any of your posts, which is a pretty special track record to have) so we're glad to see some fellow Mumsnetters giving you some support here. Take care.

You have had some lovely replies here. Importantly know this, people would t reply if they didn't feel that it was worth it.
People are simple creatures really in all manner of ways.

You do matter.
You matter a great deal.
If you told someone else that you are grateful to have them in your life, you know what they'd say back? That you had made them happy by saying it and that they count themselves luck to have you.

People sadly forget sometimes to show others how much they matter. It's sad but the thing is, you do. If there is one thing that you should do today it's to write that message and ask a friend if you matter. They need to know that you are feeling so low and if they feel low it'll also be good to share that they matter to you. I try and do this as often as possible. Love is the incredible gift that keeps giving. Don't underestimate how important you are @Feelingblue21

FeelingBlue and BigGspTwins, please know that this is a horrible time and it's so, so easy to feel low and alone.

You're not, though.

You are perfectly fitted for life and love, like a pebble in the hand.

It's hard to see it now because everything is dark and buried - all the humans are locked away and alone - but spring will make it better and is stirring in everything right now.

Hang on in there, Lovelies. 💐