Can’t go on

[Hadenough5]

I just don’t know how to go on. I have nobody. I haven’t spoken to another person for 2 weeks. It was like this before covid. Worse now.

Whoa OP please know there is someone here for you!

I wouldn't want to encourage you to bend the restrictions op but after much of my life the past two years being the same as you (regarding never seeing ppl) I did - and I met someone. Get on the online dating. Loads of ppl still are.

If nothing else it'll get you talking to ppl and seeing you aren't alone in the struggle. And hopefully get you out on a date or two! At least in a few weeks time anyway, if you dont fancy cold park benches and hot bovrel.

Go into it with the mindset of just looking for nice companionship.

Bumble also has a friend section if youd prefer something like that!

You dont have to be alone. Even in these times.
You just have to start reaching out.

It won’t get better I am the only person alone everywhere I look. I can’t take it anymore. I have nobody. When something goes wrong a work or a pay cut or I’m ill or anything, it is just me. My life isn’t worth it and I wish it was over.

@hadenough5 you are not alone in feeling this way, I went through a bad breakup last year and am now learning to be on my own. I've been feeling the same recently, it's gotten drastically worse since I've had an injury that's made me immobile for the foreseeable and have been made redundant. I second giving online dating a go.

Do you have any pets? My cats have been a huge comfort to me and make my home feel less empty. I always have the TV or a podcast playing for some background noise. I've found mumsnet and reddit hugely helpful for just chatting to people about random things. Self care is hugely important give yourself little treats, like a nice bath, face masks, cook yourself a nice meal, watch your favourite movies. You will get through this, things will get better .

@Loner1 nobody understands. My family all have people and I’m just the spare part. My friends have people who are their priority far above me. Obviously. Because I’m alone. I’m sick of fighting and living like this. I want my life to be over, I tried with past relationships and they ended for whatever reason. Nothing ever works out it’s not going to now. I’ve had my heart broken too much and I just want out of this now. I don’t want to go back there, I don’t want another relationship I just want to escape the torment of this shit life

Well op, no one is alone together. Otherwise they would never be alone.

I deal will all of those things on my own too. It's a novelty having someone new in my life now tbf. But it's not to the point where I would want to unload my stresses onto him anyway.

You gotta learn to self soothe.

Good thing about being on your own is you can live by your own rules too. Work stress? Pft! Change jobs. Seriously, you don't need company, you need 'hakuna matata'.

If anything, other people tend to add stress I find.

But op, you know there are line like the samaritans you can talk to if you're feeling particularly overwhelmed.

My life is wasted though. There is nothing left for me now. Everyone has moved on has families. This time has passed for me now I have a future stretching out like this alone isolated feeling like the odd one out. I just want it all over with. If something happened to me today nobody would even notice for days. I am pointless

No you are not worthless. This lockdown is very hard and no one would blame you for feeling this way please please reach out to your gp

Why don't you plan an adventure then op!
So life hasn't panned out the way you wanted, big deal. Make some damn lemonade!

Once lockdown lifts you could go to Turkey and have a steamy affair with a hot young hotel barman who is after a Visa xD or you could learn how to rock climb somewhere with awesome scenery. Or move to southern france and renovate a tin can with a roof, for practically peanuts.

And families can be made other ways too. Once you get your mental health seen to, maybe you could look into things like fostering. Or heck, buy 20 cats.

And stop taking smack about yourself. Away look in the mirror right now and tell yourself 3 things you really like about you. Doesn't have to be appearance (espesh if you are a sobby mess atm). And every moring pick one thing, out loud.

If I died it would be at least a week before someone noticed. So what! I'd be dead and not give a fuck. It seems to me that people have let you down right? Well stop looking to them to fix things then! Who bloody well needs them anyway!

You just need to be kinder to yourself.

Hi Hadenough5, we're really sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

We can see you're getting some helpful replies from other Mumsnetters, but we just wanted to add a link to our Mental Health resources. There are lots of organisations listed which can give you some extra support.

Mind.org has put together lots of information on Coronavirus and your mental health - please take a look.

The NHS also has a page on - Coronavirus - looking after your mental health with lots of useful tips and support.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected], or call them, any time, on 116 123. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you'll be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

We hope you're okay.

I tried so hard at relationships and they didn’t work out for various reasons. I’m too old now. Everyone has someone in their life. What’s the point in going to the shops and eating and sleeping. I don’t want this life. I am so alone. I can’t cope with it anymore I have struggled for so long and it is too much

You mentioned that you have family @Hadenough5. Do you ring each other and have chats? If not can you reach out to them, tell them how hard you’re finding life at the moment and be open with them? Organise that you talk once a week at least.
Please see your gp urgently and start sorting your mental health as priority. Medication and counselling for starters. I agree with listening to talks on YouTube. Also pets are amazing.
look at joining groups when lockdown lifts - I know it’s a difficult thing to do but it could be a game changer for you. Hillwalking wouldn’t be my bag but l know so many people who have joined walking groups and have had great company while out and over time made good friendships. There are beginner groups out there. Join anything, volunteering at a care home - you’ll get to have chats with patients and staff. Post covid of course.
It doesn’t happen over night but when you find the strength to open one door, more opportunities will arise for you.
Please don’t lose hope. It sounds like you’ve hit rock bottom and it’s now time to climb back up. You’ve started by reaching out on MN, people do care Hadenough5 💐

I have got family but they don’t like me. They see me as the odd one out. They do call sometimes but I am not the same as them and they just get on with their life and my mum has said before that life would be better if I wasn’t in it. I don’t want to be here and feel trapped

Your Mum sounds horrible to say that to you. Did she mean her life would be better without you in it? Read @Wanderlusto's post. Lots of good ideas in there and a good laugh if nothing else appeals to you for now.

You are the only one who can get yourself out of this and you absolutely can. You've just got entrenched into such a negative mindset which you will find it hard to get out of unless you start noticing the few (however small) good things in your life. I can't begin to understand how you feel and this lockdown is especially hard on single people. Try online dating like @Wanderlusto suggested. You live alone so can form a bubble and are not breaking the rules anyway x

Your mother is very wrong. It sounds like you have been very unlucky in terms of your mother - that is an awful thing for a parent to say to a child. And it’s totally untrue.

Firstly, please do reach out to your friends. I’m sure they would want to help if they knew how you were feeling.

Also I found the Samaritans very helpful when I was going through a very difficult time.

You’re not too old for a relationship. My mum met the love of her life in her mid-50s. If you’ve had very uncaring parents (which sounds like it’s the case), you may need to do some working out of what a healthy relationship looks like but you can do that.

At least you have family....

You sound really desperate, OP. I think you should ring the Samaritans, right now. I think you need to talk to someone.

You say you're "too old", but how old are you?

OP can you give some of the resources @MNHQ shared a try? It's worth a go to see if any of them help or can signpost you to services that can do so. Thinking of you - there's always someone to chat to on here any time of day or night! Do you have a hobby / interest at all that has a board on here you could flick through or post on for some distraction?

OP, im so sorry your going through this. Please know my inbox is open anytime you want a chat. There is something or someone out there that will make your life worth living. I promise. Please do reach out. You don’t have to fell alone. There is always someone out there who will talk things through with you

Thanks for the messages. Actually in tears reading these. I’ve hit such a low point today and in a spiral. I’m 37 this year and it feels like my future of a family is gone now and I’m not coping with that either as I can’t date. Not that I’m in a state to. Everything feels so dark.

I’m so sorry you feel so bad , do you like dogs ? Borrow my Doggy are looking for people , I’ll try and find a link xx

Oh OP, please reach out to some of these resources. If your mum is really that cruel it is absolutely no wonder you feel so low. She's wrong though, life wouldn't be better. You can't think like that, you'll never know how it would have turned out!

It's easy for me to say this, but 37 is so far from too old. Covid is helping no one, but at 37 I was miserably single. I did have DD but that made it harder. Everyone around me had someone, I was always a spare part, someone to be invited along as a kindness. I have a good relationship with my parents, but they have an exceptional marriage and even there I felt superfluous and like I had to carry everything alone. Going to bed alone every night felt like a catastrophe. It wasn't through.

Just before I turned 38 I met DH, and we now have two more DC, my youngest 5 mos. A good friend of mine met her absolute soulmate at 55 and lives such a wonderful life. Another friend has recently adopted with her husband after despairing through her 20s and 30s that she would be alone forever. It can and does happen, if you want it to. But it sounds like you could do with working on some stuff re your family and the it might all just get easier.

37! With the way you were talking about no chance of a kids, I thought you must be in your 50s at least.

Ow op you're still a young woman. Pick yourself up and dust yourself down. I know its hard when things look bleak to see past the tough times but you'll get there. Defo dont be slow to call the samaritans for a chat to help you through the hard part. Maybe see your gp too incase its hormonal in part. And consider a sun lamp! Trust me they work wonders for low mood!

I think you should look at your MN name... Hadenough, right? But you're not the first person to choose that nickname... there's (at least) another four people here who feel or felt like you do, right now... (unless they're all you, and you just keep name changing!).

You sound depressed. There's no shame in that. The pandemic shizzle is making people who already feel low feel even worse. Sounds like you need to take steps to sort yourself out, and I appreciate that's hard to do when most of the things we'd do to make ourselves feel better aren't available right now, but...

...there is still stuff you can do to feel more chipper. Sleeping properly, looking after your diet, exercising, going for walks, signing up for groups online, doing yoga, going to see your GP and getting some pills to tide you over, making plans for the future when all this covid shit is over. You can top yourself, sure, but... I'm guessing you don't really want to die: you want things to change, and only you can make those changes.

What would your 'perfect' happy life look like? What is it that you want that you don't have? Once you've worked out what it is you really want, work out how to get it. What steps do you need to take to get you closer to getting what you want? Write it down. Make a moodboard, cut pictures out of magazines, get the coloured pens out. Get some inspiration. Then, figure out a way to turn your dreams into realities.

I've felt how you feel, I also lost a friend on Monday who felt they couldn't go on.

Please, please reach out to some of those resources MN shared in that post. It's a worth a go isn't it?

One could change your life, or one could give you enough hope and strength to get through today and feel a little stronger each day after that.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so hopeless, I truly do understand and feel so lucky that I managed to escape it - it took a breakdown to my GP, a mental health diagnosis and therapy - every single one of those things was totally worth how difficult they were.

The first step could be emailing your GP surgery to explain you are feeling unable to continue, they will then be able to help with next steps.

Many will respond the same day to an urgent mental health crisis with a phone consultation with a GP though I appreciate not all will be able to do so