Can’t go on

[Hadenough5]

I just don’t know how to go on. I have nobody. I haven’t spoken to another person for 2 weeks. It was like this before covid. Worse now.

You have to know op that others have reached rock bottom the same as you, but eventually things DID get better and nothing ever stays the same. Not even the most difficult patches of time.

You are not alone, you have all of us.

Please please call your GP right now and tell precisely what you have told us. We will wait here whilst you do. Why not try some medication, give it a chance, just until you feel stronger?

You are never ever alone, not really - even the birds outside - the squirrels in the trees, the cat walking along the fence. There is never total solitude anywhere in the world. I am thinking of you, I care about you. Now please call the doctor and tell the receptionist you can not go on, and you have been told to call the surgery. Please.

I have been where you are, and 25 years later I am very glad I was not successful. You will not always feel like this op.

Another one who has been on your road (and still sets a toe on it from time to time), so I'm sending hugs. You are important, the world does need you in it, there are brighter days ahead.

Hang in there, force a smile onto your face first thing every morning, hold it for just 5 seconds, it makes a tiny but growable difference.

xx

Hello Hadenough, I have a lot of days when I feel like you feel. Lockdown makes it so hard, doesn’t it :(

One thing that (sometimes) works for me is to think of this time as a period when the pressure is off - yes, it sucks that we live in a world where everyone is coupled up, and yes, it is really awful to have that knowledge in your bones that you are not anyone’s #1 priority, that while friends are kind, they have their own families to take care of - but this is a time when you can put yourself first away from the pressure to be out and about on dates and meeting people.

Try and think of yourself as a person who deserves joy and happiness. If your family are not very kind you have probably started to believe that you don’t deserve this.

You do.

You deserve to be happy. If happy feels a stretch to far, then aim for “content.”

37 is not too old. It really, really isn't. You are still young!

I hope you can take some of the good advice on this thread, and that things look and feel better for you soon. Some more advice for you: I think that sometimes when we are feeling very depressed and hopeless, we believe that our problem comes from our circumstances, and what we think about them. But I believe that how we feel, physically, can have much more of an effect on us than we sometimes realise - so I would echo what a pp said: really look after yourself, in a physical sense. Eat healthily. Get enough sleep. Do some exercise. Get outside in daylight, every single day.

Come back tomorrow and let us know how you're getting on.

Some beautiful people on this site. I hope you are feeling a little brighter OP. Have faith in yourself that you have got this. See your GP. Start small and build up your resilience

That’s an awful thing your mother said to you, I can’t imagine how that would feel.
Please speak to somebody in real life and the Samaritans seems a great place to start.

Forget dating and relationships. Focus on you. At the moment it is tougher for everyone. But their is help out their, Do talk to Mind, To your gP. Do talk to your family. Is their any one you can make a bubble with? Or someone you can go for a jog, ride, walk with or agree to phone once a wk?

Op for you from me.

We may not be there in person but there's a whole thread of people here concerned and sad that you feel that way.

Keep talking here with us. I don't sleep well so if you feel like you want to pm my inbox is open to you.

37 is still so young.

I'm 41 and have a few friends that are just starting out in the world of relationships and moving in together etc etc.
Plenty of people do it later.

Please seek help ring the GP sending you a massive hug xx

Thinking of you this evening OP, another day nearly done. Step by step

How are you doing OP?

This lockdown is really hard. I've been feeling it today too. You are so young, you really are. There has been a lot of good advice on the thread already but I just wanted to add my support.

Maybe try reading some of Matt haig? I read his books last year. He told me I'd stay up all night laughing and kissing again and I didn't believe him. But I did. And you will too.

This is the quote I meant.. close enough.

Hello @Hadenough5 - how are you doing today?

Wow I am so amazed by the messages on here, they have brought me to tears. In a nice way. I can’t express how thankful I am. Honestly I am in shock and have read each message carefully. Thank you.

The panic feeling is that
a) I’m nearly 37, I kept thinking omg next year I am 38...it goes round and round my mind in a blind panic. Sorry if that sounds silly, I can’t see past it at all. Everyone around me has settled down and even at work there are 25 year olds getting married, it is hard not to feel like I am past it now.

B) everything feels hopeless. How can I meet someone now? I’m a mess, but also there’s a pandemic. We could potentially have lockdowns for another year. Then I will be here thinking I’m nearly 39... the thought terrifies me. Add to that that I’m yet to have a successful relationship (otherwise I would already be settled down) and so how can I really believe that at the last minute I will find someone. It seems almost silly to believe it...I’ve been dating nearly five years now since my last relationship.

I’m desperately lonely and that mixed with the panic makes it feel like there is literally no point. I know not everyone is with someone and happy by this age but most are and nearly all are in my circle of friends and at work. I cannot imagine meeting someone and feeling comfortable and happy with them. It doesn’t seem possible, everyone seems like a cold stranger.

@Hadenough5 I think you’ve been really brave posting on here exactly how you feel. That in itself is a big step and you’ve seen how much support their is for you. Please see the positive in that.
I know things are hard right now, you are not alone in going through this. I’m on my own too. Keep reaching out, even if it’s to a bunch of anonymous like minded strangers online. Interaction is important. If you need more RL conversation could you volunteer? Some people I know are volunteering at the vaccination centres and loving the camaraderie and one is on a telephone line reaching out to isolated vulnerable people just for a chat. It won’t address the bigger things you want to change but it might help get you through the weeks and months ahead

I'm sorry you are so alone. But, 37 is not elderly, not over the hill. There is a point - you might have sixty years good living ahead of you.

Try not to think of the bigger picture. Focus on this moment, now. Nothing else. Are you in physical pain? Do you have a roof over your head? Then you are happy. Bank that and move on. There'll be another happy moment along shortly. Sounds like nothing, but if you do this regularly, you'll find you are happy most of the time.

At your age I hadn’t had kids OP. I’ve now got 2. You are not too old. Reach out. Resolve to start making friends when lockdown is over. We are all here for you

What do you do for a living OP? I'm guessing you don't leave the house for work?

I work for a big accountancy practice so yes have been wfh for nearly a year.

Those who say they met someone after 36, how can I have my own faith in that when I’ve been dating coming up to 5 years now. There’s no point dating now either as we can’t meet. It feels hopeless. I am trying I promise and I’m taking on board what’s said here but it feels so very hopeless.

Hi @Hadenough5. You are literally panicking about one main thing, meeting someone. Changing your mind set could really help you rid that feeling of panic.

Literally, just let go (consciously) of the idea of settling down and decide now that you just want company and someone/s to chat to. Take the pressure and panic off yourself.

Concentrate on YOU and how to change/alter the way you are thinking. It really will help your mental health and gradually the rest of the puzzle will fall into place more organically.

OP I guess you need blind faith that everything will come right if you want it enough, and blind faith may seem ridiculous - but it works. The universe shifts and everything changes, the trick is to still be there, open to opportunities, when it does. So I suggest finding a different mantra to ‘I’m 37’, break the cycle of those thoughts.

Have you tried CABA’s resources on dealing with working in isolation from home?

Can you get a dog or a cat or a lodger?

OP there is so much more to life than finding someone. It’s sad that we live on a society that this is made out to be the end goal and you aren’t complete with out a life partner. Just because the people around you seem happy and have partners ect does not mean they’re happy. I know someone who from the outside looks like she has it all but deep down is painfully unhappy. Your life is your journey to experience. Plan to do something wild after the pandemic is over like move to another country or have change of career.

Hi @Hadenough5

Just catching up with your post.

Maybe try each step at a time.

Things can get really overwhelming especially at the moment with the situation we are all in.

It's not related but for the first three days of lockdown I literally couldn't get my brain or thoughts into perspective

I am furloughed with two dc to home school as well as an online course I'm trying to complete as I don't think my jobs secure and all the normal house stuff to do.

I literally got so overwhelmed

I've had a breather and decided to take each day and thing at a time.

Breaking it up like that has helped my mental health massively already in a few days and I feel more positive already.

You are still young op

Think positively about how your doing for yourself. There are many many unhappy women that are married with dc.

Do you have any hobbies you can continue?

Some of us dated for at least that long before the right one turned up. Better to be on the shelf for a bit than locked in the wrong cupboard, my mum said, and by Christ she was right. Being in any old relationship rather than be alone is absolutely a worse option and I think
Lockdown has made that such a big deal.

I feel for you. My sil is a few years older and in the same boat, but actually it is worth keep talking to people. For your sanity, for the interaction, because this isn't sustainable long term and you will make connections. Connections that may or may not become something else, but that's sort of the point. It's super hard to meet someone decent when all you want is just anyone. Better to concentrate on making connections which add something to your life and see what comes of them. Don't put so much weight on forever after!