Married to DH and have a lovely 3 year old. We are very happy most of the time however had a very rocky start as he pursued me right out of a violent relationship with my ex and I had a lot of baggage.
DH was best friends with his ex girlfriend. They dated for a few years and then spent 6 years in a weird pseudo relationship where they were basically together without the sex. They shared beds, were in constant contact, always each other’s plus 1s etc. He was desperate to get back with her but she (without sounding like a total cow!) enjoyed the relationship how it was as he did everything for her.
Anyway, we got together and she took it really badly. Trashed his office at work, threw his underwear that had been left at her house around the office and completely blocked him on everything. She said to him “it hurts to see you change for her but not for me”. Before cutting him off. He asked her if she wanted to be with him and she said no. I feel massively insecure here because I can’t help but wonder if she had said yes would he have stayed with me?
Anyway, sorry I’m rambling! Just trying to give backstory!
She’s kind of filtered in and out throughout our relationship, however never has she contacted him. She never congratulated him on our baby, never congratulated him when we got married, never checked in on him etc. He always contacts her when he’s worried about her, for example he contacted her when covid Hit to make sure she was ok etc. I can’t help but feel like he always needs to be her saviour.
So here comes the really selfish thing.
Her dad died just before Christmas. He found out and called her straight away and shut himself away in a room to have a private conversation with her for almost an hour. I know I’m so fucking selfish for thinking like this but it hurts so much. Every time he has to contact her it can’t be a text or a quick call in front of me, he either leaves the house or locks himself away where I can’t hear.
I’m not controlling at all, obviously I haven’t said any of this out loud to him but I just feel so deflated and like once again I’m reminded that he will always go to her aid. I had such bad ppd and the lack of support he provided me has put me off having a second child altogether.
I know I’m so unreasonable for this but I have no idea how to shake it off! She’s just lost her dad, of course she needs support. I just don’t get why it always has to be him? 