Have you ever looked at your partners phone ?

[Lora88]

I’m just curious
I don’t mean borrow to Google something or use a particular app , I mean actually go through everything, check emails , history , Facebook , etc etc , I’m not saying this is in any means ok by the way I’m just curious as to how often this happens in happy / unhappy relationships , I had been with my partner 11 years when I finally checked his phone , I didn’t have any strong reason to but he’d become withdrawn and I had that gut feeling we all talk about which is when I discovered text messages to prostittues, if I’d had not checked I honestly wouldn’t be none the wiser , my question is pretty Pointless more just curiosity as to how many men get caught out this way and if you would ever check or have ever ...

No I think if you feel the need to go through someone's phone you know something isn't right. If I got to the stage I'd have to check what's he's doing I'd know there was something wrong

Been together for 23 years and have never checked his phone but that is because there are no signs that anything is amiss. If his behaviour changed and was more secretive or withdrawn or if I had that gut feeling that something want right, then I probably would.

Never go against that gut feeling, if you feel the need, there's usually a reason. With my ex I never felt the need to but with current it's always on my mind. Hence I'm trying to leave very soon

I had that gut instinct with 3 exes and searched their phones to find messages/pictures to other women and other such incriminating things.
My DH is honestly amazing and I trust him completely. I've never had the urge to look through any of his things.

Yes, and I found messages

He was amazing and I trusted him completely. No reason to suspect until 1 random thing hit me one afternoon.
It had been going on for years.

Yes. Together a long time, married. Noticed what I can only describe as subtle things. Checked his phone. Porn. Escort searches. All sorts.

It's the reason I cheat on him now.

Yes, but I suspect most was my own projection. Nothing much except porn, which he has always acted disgusted and appalled by, although that would be his own projection as he is extremely insecure.

@Packitin

Did you speak to him about what you found ?
I did and got all the tears and sorrys that it will never happen again , just something he does when he’s had a drink , would never act on it used as porn substitute etc for a thrill.
We are still together as we have 3 small children , I can’t deny that I’ve thought the same things , would it make me feel better to cheat on him etc

My last 2 ex partners and my ex husband.
My ex husband had been posting all over the internet looking for a 'fuck buddy' and someone to cheat on his wife with. The 2 ex partners were both pestering their ex, 1 was also messaging and calling other women then lied about who they were.

@catfeets

Wow what is wrong with men ?
It scares me how common this casual sex browsing thing seems to be , did you leave your husband because of this and what did he have to say for himself ?

@Lora88 I would never have thought he would do something like that. I gave him a chance to come clean and he was adamant he'd told me everything. Caught him again a few months later, along with lots more evidence from the first time. He'd even been posting on gay sites for attention (a LOT of dick pics posted) even though he's not gay or bi.
I left because we argued and he got violent. He moved on immediately with the first woman who showed any interest.

I just don't understand the behaviour. A lot of it must be down to wanting to have their ego stroked.

I wouldn't call it going through his phone as I'm not looking for stuff, but I tend to look at his Facebook and Instagram. The feeds seem way more interesting than mine (he's friends with people he went to school with, where as my Facebook is simply family and a couple of friends) I check his emails too, but only because some if the utilities are emailed to him rather than me whine I handle all the household finances(this is a hangover from renting before marriage where we split who paid what). He has free reign to pick mine up whenever too.

We've been together almost 12 years.

Ahhh reading other responses, my reply is not the looking at his phone that you're looking for, I don't read texts or messages because I've no reason to.

I've done it twice, once with my ex of 11 years and my ex before that of 2 years. Both times I had a gut feeling something was going on as their behaviour had changed. Both times I found evidence that they'd cheated and done something shitty. I am glad I checked as otherwise I'd have probably never known.

This is always a tough subject and I don't condone checking someone's phone as it's obviously an invasion of their privacy, BUT, of all my friends that have done this they have always found something.

My current partner is very open with his phone. Gives it to me to use sometimes as mine is shite, leaves it lying around, always on loud, nothing suspicious and has even offered me to go through it (due to my ex) but I haven't and honestly have no reason to.

I hope you're okay

Yes, exH had several messages from 'Jackie' who he was offering a relationship with, but she replied the time for that had passed but had been there earlier. Continued to chat and had lots of xxx at the bottom. Arse.

As a result of an emotional affair I made it very obvious that I would check. What I didn't know is that there was another phone. In plain sight on the bedroom cabinet but with a second hidden SIM. If you need to check then things are bad and the level of deception is probably beyond a normal person's comprehension which is why it can stay hidden.

My partner and I are completely open with phones and social media - we have three kids between us (1 joint and the elder 2 are my stepdaughters) and a busy life even in lockdown. So if she'd had a long SMS chat with SDs dad or something that had annoyed her she just asks me to look at her phone and read it rather than try and remember it all to tell me. And vice versa.

She's very tech savvy, so if I were the type to cheat I'd need to find an escort agency that took bookings via smoke signals or something I guess. If I ever became guarded with my phone she'd know something was up.

No, I trust him. I'm not naive though, I know it's possible for any man to cheat, even apparently trustworthy ones. But I choose to trust him and if he is cheating then I'd rather not know.

Never checked exH’s phone in 20 years. Recent ex boyfriend of 3 years, instinct told me to check & found out he was a sex site, prostitute user & a completely different man to the one he portrayed to be. Glad I looked!!

Yes but didn’t find anything and I feel a bit shitty about it. On reflection I was quite paranoid and was pregnant at the time abs very hormonal.
We currently share an iPad and in theory I could access everything from that but i don’t and I respect his privacy

No. The phone isn't a big deal in our relationship. We leave our phones lying around,don't have phone PIN, and aren't types to be welded to phone anyway.

The only time I look at DPs phone really is when he's driving and wants me to look up stuff on this phone. He does same for me. Obviously I see when messages come up for him as it's on main screen but I'm not bothered to read them.

Different with Ex - I looked at his phone as he started that thing of not letting phone out of his sight, taking it into the loo, panicking if he left it in a room. I suspected him of cheating but chose not to confront him. Instead I looked through his phone messages and I was right, he was cheating. So I got rid.

Cheating and sleeping with another woman - without using a condom, for all I know so could also be compromising my sexual health - No thank you. & Likely spending family money on her too.

I'd rather make sure I stay informed so I can make my choice, not have choice taken from me via lies.

I wont be with someone who acts as if phone is a baby they can't let out of their sight, and/or makes declarations about phone being oh so private. It's absolutely fine if they're into that, their choice I wouldn't dispute that. I just wouldn't date them as I'm not into games.

Sorry OP💐

Never. If it is lying around and I see the screen come on with a message I purposely don’t look at it. It’s private until or unless I have reason to have lost trust in which case that might change but if that’s so I think I’d be upfront about lost trust rather than start sneaking around. (That last - I’m not vulnerable either personally or financially or to do with kids in my relationship if I were I can imagine if trust lost then I might no be able to raise it may indeed look at a phone etc). Support all !

No I've never looked through it. He would never look through mine either. If I thought I had reason to and talking to him wasn't helping then perhaps I would but I don't feel I need to.

Nope. And I don't think he's ever been through mine.

Yes with my ex, and I found messages to another woman, I don’t regret it.