Have you ever looked at your partners phone ?

[Lora88]

I’m just curious
I don’t mean borrow to Google something or use a particular app , I mean actually go through everything, check emails , history , Facebook , etc etc , I’m not saying this is in any means ok by the way I’m just curious as to how often this happens in happy / unhappy relationships , I had been with my partner 11 years when I finally checked his phone , I didn’t have any strong reason to but he’d become withdrawn and I had that gut feeling we all talk about which is when I discovered text messages to prostittues, if I’d had not checked I honestly wouldn’t be none the wiser , my question is pretty Pointless more just curiosity as to how many men get caught out this way and if you would ever check or have ever ...

I've not, no...I think if I got to the stage where I felt compelled to do it then the relationship would already be over regardless of what I did/didn't find.

Sort of, my ex had form for cheating on all of her exes. We'd just come back from a nice break in Cornwall. Everything had been nice no arguments etc. We went back to our respective homes and jobs. I popped up to see her a couple of days later and she was off ish saying this wasn't for her anymore after 3 years...I listened and said as you wish and left.
After a week or so I'd had a few drinks & it was very late. I knew her Facebook details as I'd set it up for her. I logged in and found messages to her ex boyfriend, another guy that had been lodging in her garage conversion. Mostly about me and a new porter at work from work.
It was all pretty sordid and upsetting. Not proud of it and the next day I contacted her and told her change her contact details.
In some ways I wish I hadn't looked as it just added insult to injury. I think just prepare yourself before you go ahead and check your partners phone.

Never. If my partner was acting in such a way to make me uncomfortable enough to feel the need to go snooping, they'd no longer be my partner. Likewise, a request to look through mine would be an instant dismissal. I won't tolerate neurotic insecurity, jealousy and paranoia, and the implication that I have waive my right to privacy to pander to it.

Yes i do, fairly regularly. Previously I'd found text messages to a 'friend' which overlapped with me by a few weeks. When I brought it up (the messages I found were not suggestive but previous ones to this person before me were fairly suggestive but none showed they had met up and no pictures or anytihing so he obviously wanted to be with her before me, but looked like she didn't). But his response was 'but I deleted them all as realised it was wrong once we were getting serious'. Which immediately made me think, what ones did you fucking delete then? I still don't know what was in the deleted ones (whatsapp) even though he says it was just chat and nothing flirty, but that they'd always chatted every now and then (the text messages proved that part at least). he immediately deleted her from his phone and gave me access whenever I want, He even let me put my finger print on his phone so I can check anytime I want. So I do think it was just a case of habit chatting to this old 'friend' which he stopped once we were getting serious.
However, I do have trust issues for reasons I won't say but I do check his phone when hes not around. Likewise though, he has the code and fingerprint on mine and can look at mine whenever he wants too and that doesn't bother me as I have nothing to hide. I know its more my issue, but the few messages I saw, although not flirty, did imply he had feelings for this person.

Yes I do now and again. My ex cheated on me and he was the last person I would have ever thought would do that. It really shook me to my core. Now I'm not so blindly trusting and I know even the happiest marriages can have cheaters in. So yes, I do check now and again. I'm happy in the relationship, ver happy in fact, and haven't found anything but I'm now not daft enough to think he wouldn't ever cheat.

Yes as he never looks at it. He came late to mobile phones but is now ignoring/sporting my old iPhone. I need to make sure he isn’t ignoring anyone.

Of course not.

If I felt the urge to do so, our relationship would be pretty dreadful already.

Nope, I don't, I mean, he lets me use it and everything is open to me BUT if I thought something was going on I would check without hesitation and I don't mind admitting that!

Never but I trust him. In the past I did it with a boyfriend when I was with a guy I was not trusting. Such a waste of time that was never going to work. Trust is everything.

Not his phone, as he never lets it out of his sight, and I'm scared to log in from my laptops as he might get a 'log in from a new device' message.

However, I have been through his emails on the main computer as these are logged into his email. The first time I checked it was suspicious that he was having an affair, and I found emails between him and her planning an overseas trip ... and also photos of them which were also synched to the home computer via the cloud. Needless to say, I left him. He continued to deny the affair, and eventually talked me into coming back. Huge mistake on my behalf.

Fast forward 5 years later, and I am ready to leave again. I am so angry that he talked me into going back to him. Now I am going through his emails to try and figure out how he has spent $30K from our joint savings account in the past 12 months ... I am very careful and delete my browsing history immediately. However, still haven't found out why we are missing so much from our savings account. I'm planning to LTB soon anyway but just looking for more evidence so I can try and guilt him into agreeing to let me & the kids stay in the house!

The moral - trust your gut!

Never. I wanted to once two and half years ago as he was being very shady with his phone. Mine had died and I wanted to Google a recipe for tea. He snatched it off me and said he'd look it up. I was convinced he was cheating. Quite how as he was going through chemo at the time, and was never not with me as his carer, but emotional affair was sticking out, or nudes. Turned out actually he was going to propose and had sent a text to his mate about it just before I reached for the phone and he didn't want me to see the reply if it popped up at the top. Ring came next day while we were at the hospital, and he stormed off to the neighbors muttering about missing it and wouldn't let me go. Totally convinced now he was up to no good, I cracked open a bottle of wine and was on my second glass when he came in and proposed. Apparently jumping up and down in delight saying your not cheating! Wasn't the right answer.

But in answer to your question, looking through your other halfs messages indicates something has gone very wrong, and if that's the case just finish it. You either trust them or you don't....

No I would never look through his phone

It implies you don’t trust him if you feel the need to do that so your relationship should be done anyway

I would dump someone for checking through my phone too

No, he leaves it unlocked on the coffee table - nothing to hide!

No. Never had any issues
He leaves his phone in the hall. If it rings I'm near by he'll shout to see if I can answer it. He takes calls over the Bluetooth on the phone when I'm with him often unexpectedly. He's never been weird about the phone.

No. But I should have!

No, never : because I value my privacy.

Yes and he was only ever messaging women, I always came second to which ever female friend he was showering with attention at the time. When I had a male friend who I got on well with he accused us of having an affair. To this day I don't know if he was ever unfaithful but all the way through our relationship I was always second fiddle.

Never. DP and I both leave our phones lying around and know each other's codes, and often pick up whichever's nearest to Google or check something. Ample opportunity for either of us to snoop but it's a red line.

If you feel the need to snoop through emails, messages etc - the relationship is, or should be, dead. Kaput. The end. The trust is gone. It doesn't matter whether there's anything to find or not. Trust is a choice and if you can't make it, for whatever reason - you shouldn't be in a relationship with that person.

No. His phone & ipad are locked by a password which I don’t know, and mine are locked by a password and my fingerprint. We trust one another and we both recognise that the other Is entitled to a degree of privacy within the relationship.

I looked at my fiancé’s phone for the first time last year; we’ve been together 8 years, engaged 2. I only did it because I had noticed his odd behaviour and for some reason I just knew I’d find something I didn’t want to see. I found photos of him, confronted him and he admitted to sending them to a woman at work, who I had already grew suspicious of at this point. Which he knew but still did it anyway!! Was only an emotional affair, obviously still hurt me. It was a very tough time, I was devastated and to be honest so was he. He cried more than I did! I also lost my grandma at the same time so was an absolute mess. We’re over a year later now and we have a fantastic relationship, probably lockdown helped us a lot! The relationship was great before, but it’s even better now which I didn’t think possible! I still don’t fully understand why he did it and I don’t think he does either. The decision to stay was not taken lightly.

No. I did once years ago, with a bf, when I was much younger and worried he wasn't over his ex.Turns out he wasn't. But I wish I'd trusted my instinct and just walked, instead of snooping and seeing the evidence - it just made me feel worse. Because deep down I knew the truth.

So, it made me realise that actually what I don't know can't hurt me. And if I do suspect something is up, I will just ask them and trust them. And if I don't trust them despite having a convo about it, I'll just leave. Since then I've not had cause to suspect any partner I've had and no interest in checking their phone - even though I have my current partner's passcode (he gave it to me once).