Ex/one who got away has contacted me years later

[NameChangeWino]

Just that. Almost 5 years ago in spring 2016 I had a Limmerence/obsession with a man who broke my heart. We were young- he was 18 and I was 20 when we first met, to my bitter regret I ghosted him as I was in love with somebody else who was emotionally abusive. A year passed and then we were In contact again, in this year of not speaking (2017) his heart had been seriously broken by a girl cheating on him and I had fallen into the grips of an eating disorder/ self esteem issues. He then left the U.K. (he’s from another European country and was studying in the U.K. at the time! but messaged asking to see me before he left in the spring of 2018). Unfortunately I had an eating disorder at the time and made horrible self destructive comments about myself, including telling him he was desperate and disgusting for even wanting to see/touch me.
He sensibly said he couldn’t see me if I felt like that about myself: however, a couple of months later (summer 2018) he messaged saying he would love to see me if I was ever in his home country, he did care about me and he was pleased I was accessing help for my eating disorder at that point. He lived in his home EU country and I was working in a neighbouring EU country. The messages were left with him saying he would
Love to see me and that was the last I heard from him, in august 2018. I’ve thought about him everyday.

Last night I received a message on FB messenger (we’re not friends, so he must have searched me) saying ‘hey Name change, how are you doing? :)’.

I am in shock. It was sent at 11:30pm his local time. I used to work in a humanitarian healthcare role for a large NGO all over the world, so it is possible the pandemic has triggered him to think of me but we are one year into the pandemic by now!
I don’t know how to reply. I no longer work and have married and divorced in those two years! I married far too fast in the October of 2018 for an easy life (materially I cannot deny I have a life I only dreamt of prior to marrying ex H) and now we are divorcing, which I’m not sad about and always expected to happen. I have thought of this ex every day, including googling his family. I truly feel he is the one who got away. We had such a connection and he was so kind.
I’m embarrassed almost to say I now live in a very oppressive non-humanitarian country, married and now divorcing a local and don’t work etc. I was in ex’s home EU city for the first lockdown as I have a property there.
Sorry if this is a ramble, I just can’t help but wonder why he messaged. He doesn’t know that I live in the Middle East now and would presume I could be anywhere in the world due to my old job so it’s not like he was messaging for a quick shag!
Any advice on how to proceed (if at all) is appreciated. I was thinking of waiting a few weeks to reply as I have a big interview coming up as I hope to work post divorce and don’t want to be distracted.
I’ve thought about this man everyday for years

FFS what do you want from this? Take his replies for what they are. An adult human having a text conversation with another adult human.

Did you expect him to throw himself to the ground and wail with joy because on yet another whim you're giving up the life you have been leading to come back to London. Basically because you've been enlightened by a facebook message from a virtual stranger?

Have a word with yourself and get some counselling.

I do hope you're going back for you, not him.
He's not likely to surprise you at the airport with a ring so focus on yourself.

I am going back for me, I didn’t realise how empty my life is. I used to have an incredibly fulfilling life as a healthcare worker for an NGO and worked all over the Mediterranean refugee camps, Libya and Afghanistan. I was very outgoing and although I had mental health issues I had many friends and was always socialising when I was in London.

I am wasting my life and skills sitting in the sun without any friends in the ME. Speaking to him with his achievements and high flying job did highlight that it’s embarrassing at such a young age to not work and I couldn’t give an explanation as to why. Of course there is a part of me that desperately wants to see him, and his message has prompted me in a reflective way.

I think he was just bored and wanted a chat. Doesn't sound like there's anymore to it from his side. I agree with previous PPs - take some time to learn how to be happy alone.

Seriously, OP? A random few messages from a bored ex who asked how you were made you decide to completely abandon your life in the ME, pack, close down your life there and move out of wherever you were living, and go straight to the airport within a few days of him getting in contact??? Won't leaving the country have an impact on your divorce? Do you have somewhere to live in London?

I remember when we left the UAE it taking absolutely forever to do things like arrange shipping for fairly minimal belongings, close bank accounts etc. And that was a planned departure!

This sounds awfully impulsive, OP, if you've genuinely moved halfway across the world because an ex is currently living there, and you expected him to sound more overjoyed that you're heading for him...?

I didn’t have much of a life there- i didn’t have friends, I’ve never worked since being there and my possessions are all clothes, makeup etc. All of my important things are at my parents’ home in London. The furniture there is all owned by my ex, there was nothing to ship.
I have my parents home in London (very large property, I won’t feel suffocated).
No impact on my divorce as it is already finalised, as long as the man is happy to divorce then Islamic law doesn’t favour a drawn out process.
My life has to start again at some point- it really hit home when he asked me what I do in the daytime and I didn’t know what to say. I used to have so many interesting stories.

I really do hope to see him obviously before he leave the U.K. (end of March) but I won’t message again now, he can reply to me. Maybe in early March if I still haven’t heard anything then I will ask if he would like to meet before he leaves. But I have my interview to prepare for and lots of walks with friends to catch up (presuming that’s allowed, I have no idea of the Covid policies).

It’s not that I expect him to roll on the floor or propose (definitely not!) but I expected him to be more consistent, last night he seemed completely disinterested compared to previously when he said it’s a shame you’re not in London, messaging twice in a week etc and I cannot work out why.

Why did you marry for money?

Maybe it's more about the chase for him. Do you know anything about his current circumstances - have you asked if he is married, single, complicated?

Wow some people are really projecting here. Good for you. If you're unhappy, change it. You decided this wasn't working for you and are flying home. If it's a Facebook message that made you realise that then why the hell not. It's good you're putting your wellbeing first, best of luck!

Crikey, this is a bit weird isn’t it

I think he was assuming you were in the UK when he first contacted you hoping to meet up but lost interest when you said you weren’t.
I think he then tried with another/others and has had a result elsewhere so has eased off on you.

Your days here will seem long in lockdown, I’d much rather be on a beach but there you go. Ultimately, no one on here knows what he’s thinking or if you’ll hear from him again but you do sound like you have issues to work on without fixating on him.

Sounds like you had a good date with him today OP.

OP wow I came here after your other thread. What a whirlwind, your life is very dramatic

Sounds like you're going back for him

You're throwing yourself at him and he isn't giving you the time of day.

You're trying to keep the conversation going and he obviously doesn't want to.

As long as you both appear to be happy to be chatting it's worth giving it a go, besides it's better to give it a go, rather than x year's , later wonder what if.

Search the OP's username.

@NameChangeWino
Is your divorce finalised?

I think you're making a massive leap between a message saying hi and checking you're ok to assuming that he wants a relationship with you.

I'm in touch with my ex every few years. We just check in because we care about one another and of course you sometimes think about people you spent a big chunk of your life with. Both happily married to other people and absolutely no desire to start anything up.

Is this the same poster who just had her thread zapped because she was meeting op with him in a park and wanted to know if her skirt was suitable?

Genuine question for the uninitiated - how does MNHQ know the poster isn't for real? The story is a bit out there but I do know people like that in real life.

I've noticed the OP's other thread has been removed! Anyone know why?

This is the deletion msg