Sexting after oh cheated

[Guiltyrack666]

To cut a long story short ive found out my oh has been on dating sites and various apps talking to women and meeting up with and having sex with at least one..i am devasted we ve been together 20 years and have a new baby together. Ive stupidly went on one of these sites and started sexting people(no pics) purely out of revenge i dont even feel as if i enjoyed it now im racked with guilt! Have i just stooped to his level? Im soo disappointed in myself do i tell him?!

From your last couple of sentences I’m guessing you’re still in love with him.. Are you planning on staying with him? You absolutely haven’t stooped to his level as you didn’t physically cheat unlike him. Don’t feel guilty at all, you deserve better than to be treated like that!

I just feel soo disappointed in me tbh i dnt want to become this person..as pathetic as it is i do still love him..i dnt want to be without him but how can i forgive him? This has all be going on for years through ivf and my pregnancy i feel like my whole lifes been a lie!

No you havnt stooped to his level atall. Don’t feel guilty you have done this because you are so hurt and your head is not in the right place. Stop it now though as it won’t make you feel any better and sort out what you are going to do about his cheating Sorry this is happening

@Heymumma29 thank you for being kind

@Skyla2005 my head is soo muddled up especially with my baby and lockdown i feel like im letting my baby down they should be my focus..

God no, don't tell him. He will 100% use it to turn things back onto you.

Sorry to hear what's happened but it takes a horrible man to do that throughout years of trying for a child. Despicable.

You aren't letting anyone down. He's the letdown.

I couldn't let him stay

How do you know it was his first time cheating sorry to say op after 20 years together is very likely he's cheated throughout you're relationship especially if he's using dating sites to meet women. Honestly the fact you 'took revenge shows the relationships has some serious problems. You need to ask yourself how much are you worth? Life is short you deserve someone who's going to be loyal. I speak as someone who had a baby with ex who cheated on me, best thing was that relationship ending and enabled me to meet someone who knew my worth.

@blazinglightonthehill its the classic everyone thinks hes a nice guy hes the last person idve expected to do this..i feel soo low lots of tears while babys asleep

@Amira19 deep down i think i deserve better but i dont know anymore i have my own issues i dont know who else would put up with me sometimes lol

Just try and focus on caring for your baby right now. Be kind to yourself you have only reacted to the hurt he has caused you. Take time for yourself to decide what you want to happen now. you are all over the place at the moment so you need time to process and settle down before you can make decisions about what to do. Have you got your mum or good friends that you can confide In ?

Nah its nothing like what he did. You had no plans to meet these people right? And you didnt enjoy it. All you've really done is chat shit anonymously online. Big deal lol. Don't tell him anything though as he will reverse his misdeeds onto you.

You need to be thinking about getting away from him. He slept with someone else and looks like he had plans to do the same with others too. He is uncaring a cheat and is causing you mental anguish into the boot. People we love should make us better versions of ourselves too, not worse btw.

Get yourself n your wee one free.

@Skyla2005 i cant bring myself to tell anyone it makes it all too real it makes me feel soo stupid that i didnt know looking back the signs were there i think hes done it more than once..im just finding it hard to pull myself together atm i need to find the strength to do it

@Wanderlusto i just dont know where to go or what to do i know id tell someone exactly what you have but its soo much harder when your in it

You should split up with him if you're at the stage of doing this just to spite him. It's not healthy or good for either of you.

Tell someone. Tell your family and your friends.

Read the script. You are better than he deserves. They are always the last ones you'd expect - devious cunning self serving nasty little liars. They cover it up well.

He's wasted enough of your time. Life is very short...

Oh my goodness this breaks my heart. To have gone through that tough journey and find out your partner has been doing that must be so difficult. You are stronger than you think- I can imagine after 10 years it will be hard to switch off love quickly, but you need to realise your self worth. You and your baby will be fine- plan your escape soon before it gets out of control and he does it again and again.

@blazinglightonthehill i know your right but its hard to accept i shared everything with him i thought he did the same do you think theres any way back from all this could he truelly be remorseful or is it all an act? I just find it hard to accept hes been acting the full 20years we ve been together its all soo confusing my head is literally spinning has this happened to you?

@Heymumma29 i know i am strong when i need to be ive shown myself that through the ivf but im in bits tbh..thank you for understanding..all of you ladies replying thank you i need to try and get myself together and get my baby up from their nap but i cant stop crying!

If he'd done it once and then confessed then you could perhaps believe his remorse. But he has been talking to several women over a period of time and cheating and if you hadn't found out yourself, it seems he would never have told you. He is only sorry he got caught.

Tell your friends and family (the ones you can rely on to be supportive) and speak with a solicitor. They will point you in the direction of next steps. Once you have a rational framework to follow you can focus on that.

Forgive yourself.

Get support from family and decide what you want to do. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

Please talk to someone in real life. You will feel better for it I promise don’t keep it bottled up. I know it will be real then but it is real and you must face it. Bottling up will only affect your mental health you need to confide and let a friend help you

It's all an act.

The only thing he's sorry about is that he got caught. I genuinely believe that too. He's not sorry he's put you at risk, lied, cheated, hurt you. He's sorry for himself.

Tell someone real. And don't make excuses for him. Nothing you've done caused this and nothing you could've done would've changed it.

He would've always done it because he's a cheat. He'd do it again too given the chance.

You'll be happy without him, it takes time x

Sometimes, OP, you need to do research to find out what your OH is really like. You've sampled his world, don't like it and don't want to become that sort of person. Use this information to put you off him and get away and meet someone decent.

I know you are all right its just such a hard pill to swallow 20years for what? I dont understand why these men dont stay single..