Sexting after oh cheated

[Guiltyrack666]

To cut a long story short ive found out my oh has been on dating sites and various apps talking to women and meeting up with and having sex with at least one..i am devasted we ve been together 20 years and have a new baby together. Ive stupidly went on one of these sites and started sexting people(no pics) purely out of revenge i dont even feel as if i enjoyed it now im racked with guilt! Have i just stooped to his level? Im soo disappointed in myself do i tell him?!

Because they want it all

This isn't about you, it's him. He probably loves you & the baby but is driven by his penis and a sense of male entitlement. If he was with the hook up girl long term it'd be the same story. Rise above it and make your life good for you & your DC - with or without him. Don't let him decide your happiness.

Dont be hard on yourself re the revenge thing. Its understandable that you’d be so angry and loose perspective for a moment.

Give yourself time to think relationship over, you dont have to decide your future right now. Confide in a good friend.

@Manxiety he said those exact words to me i suppose i should be glad he was honest about 1thing..he said he was trying to have it both ways he loves me but he wanted a cheap thrill i can see after 20 years how someone could get bored of routine but have a conversation with your partner and work on the relationship..i do deserve more than this i know that deep down maybe i need to focus on me i just know where to start any advice..

*dont

It's done now and you know about it. Nothing can change that. My advice is to be your best self & don't let his vile behaviour affect you & your baby. Don't stoop to his level again. You gave it a go and saw how pathetic it is. Men & women are differently wired so we can never fully understand how they feel or why they act the way they do. A lot of it is biological and society has given them the tools to act on expectations and whims. If it was harder to have affairs & hook ups they wouldn't bother. It's all too easy.

I hope you are ok. I guess what I'm saying is that many women make it about them. I don't think it is. Maybe I'm intellectualising it but I understand it on that level, and based on your reaction it sounds like you do too. Esther Perel writes about this a lot. Check her out.

You're both cheats. This is a very unhealthy relationship. Do what is best for you and your child, which is not your current relationship.

don't tell him. He will 100% use it to turn things back onto you.

X 100.

Besides I don't think any kind of revenge/reactionary infidelity is true infidelity.

I dont understand why these men dont stay single.

Because they want the benefits of a serious relationship, plus some excitement, etc on the side of and when it suits them.

Everytime someone on here says polygamy would solve cheating, it makes me laugh. Cheaters don't want two way polygamy; they'd never be ok with their partner doing what they do.