Shocked at just how ugly I really am

[Onefootoutthedoor]

I have seen photos of myself where I think I look quite attractive. I can scrub up ok when I make an effort. In the mirror, I think I'm ok.

But all of these times, I'm still.

Whenever I catch photos of myself moving -laughing/singing or on video or (even worse currently) talking during online video zoom calls, I'm struck by just how ugly I am.

I feel like I'm deluding myself the rest of the time, thinking I'm an averagely attractive, normal looking woman and then I catch sight of myself and realise the truth.

It's starting to make me.feel really anxious about talking to other people, going out and paranoid about video calls.

I've put this in relationships because its affecting my interactions with other people.

I think it must have been there on a subconscious level because I've dumped men in the past for telling I was attractive/pretty because I don't tolerate lying and it feels like a lie. I always used to avoid photos/videos of myself and now I can't escape it and it's making it worse.

Same ! I can look into the mirror and think I look fine but if I then look at myself on my phone camera I look hideous !!

I work in a job where you meet and talk to lots of people every day.
You notice how striking family resemblances are, you probably look a lot like your parents, is that so bad?

I've seen this exact post before

“Not quite true. Plenty of people actually look pretty good in candid snaps”

That depends on the angle of the snap, and whether the person’s face is animated, IMO.

You're more beautiful than you think - Dove

I think lots of people hate seeing themselves on video or in photos...I know I do. I look reasonably normal in the mirror and think I scrub up ok. But I cannot bear video calls. It's like hearing your own voice on an answer machine...I always cringe at hearing my voice. Cannot believe I sound like that.

I'm sure you're not ugly...very very few people are actually ugly. I never see anyone I think it ugly. Most of us are fairly average

You aren't!

We don't judge each other the way we judge ourselves. Think of people you know, video calls, photos... you may notice a particularly nice photo of someone, but generally people just 'are'- we don't burden them with our expectations of how they should look. Sarah looks like Sarah, Jim looks like Jim.

I look like a huge, literally huge hunchback in every photo. I’ve decided I’m just totally I photogenic, I avoid pictures completely now 😂

I think the way we are constantly exposed to our pictures (especially front camera picture) is not natural. For all of human history and up until the last ten years this has never the case. It's to do with how we scrutinise our looks in a way that we wouldn't other people's' and focus on our perceived flaws.

I feel exactly the same as you and have become obsessed about my looks to the point that it's causing my great unhappiness and anxiety. Objectively, people tell me I'm beautiful/ pretty but I can't see it.

Also, in past human history we were never exposed to the faces of so many people which increases our comparison points. Not too mention that these faces are the most beautiful faces (which have commonly plastic surgery done) which are then, made up, photographed for ages to get the perfect pic, then photoshopped. I don't know what the solution is.

I worry for my children - although maybe because they are constantly exposed to their pictures from a young age, they may not experience the same?

You are not alone, it's nothing to do with your looks, just the way we see ourselves.

When did mirror's come into our lives? Imagine not knowing what you look like. Would be liberating.

I am quite sure you are not ugly! Most people who are not Supermodels will have times when they can dress up and look /feel attractive .Lots of the time ,like me they are much more worried about their own appearance than anyone elses!

I understand how you feel. Being on a zoom call is a whole different experience. Some people I know won't put the camera on unless they have to.

At work we all had our photos taken for a prominent display. I hated mine (I usually hate my photos!). I looked washed out and my posture was odd. Everyone said it was fine but complained re theirs. I forced myself to study other people's photos and some of my colleagues looked downright weird - not at all how I see them. Even pretty, glamorous looking people looked 'off'.

No one studies and criticises your looks the way you do. They see an ever moving, changing person. They see you as a person, not a solely physical being.

Have you never become attracted to someone who you initially dismissed? Even with handsome actors, I can be totally unbothered until I see them in a certain part or scene and suddenly realise they are hot!

Attraction is far more than the sum of your physical attributes. Plus we all have different ideas of beauty.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. If you are loved then who cares. It you are not loved then love yourself.

As far as physically goes I am really ugly. Fat, double chin and hate pictures. But I am loved. So being physically ugly according to societies ideas of what is attractive.... currently appears to be large breast/bottom with small waist. Young. Clear skin. Made up, long fake lashes,, fake nails, fake eyebrows, selfie ready. Yep I'm really ugly compared to all of those - but much of that isn't real -it's filtered anyway.

I think it might help to consider how often you look at people and go 'My God, that person's really ugly!' Because I think one actually very seldom sees anyone who you could call ugly, and I'd bet if you saw someone who looked very similar to you, you'd think they look just fine.

If you never see anyone who you think is really ugly, what is more likely - that you are literally the only ugly person around, or that you are the only person who is super-critical of your own appearance?

OzziePoppop I feel exactly the same, a real quasimodo. If I was really as ugly as I think I am when I catch sight of myself in a shop window/escalator mirror/ on webcam or in photos people would literally recoil when they meet me - but they don't. Same when I hear my voice - I think "that whiner can't be me", but it is. My grown up kids say I don't look as nice in photos as I am in RL, so I guess I'm not very photogenic. I'm usually the one in a class or wedding photo who has been captured with her eyes shut.

Given how lovely my DC look, how many people comment they look like me and the interest I garnered when younger I know I must be okay looking. It's just my image of me (from looking in the mirror at home) doesn't match with video of me or recent photos or seeing myself in shop mirrors. I think is that weird, hooked nosed, hunchback crone really me?

I had the same issue with zoom during the first lockdown. I ended up seriously contemplating Botox, fillers and dental work! (None of which i can afford or actually need).

So I started researching and it’s a really common for people to feel like this when they see themselves on video calls. Part of the problem is that the image of yourself Is “flipped” compared to how you see yourself in the mirror. Nobody has a perfectly symmetrical face, so you end up thinking you look “Wonky” and the minor facial asymmetry seems much worse than it actually is. Postural problems and head tilts also exaggerate this. We think it’s much worse than it is simply because what we see on screen does not match our internal image of ourselves!

So you need to go into the video settings and select “mirror”. This really will improve how you think you look.

Secondly, bad lighting and a poor camera can have a massive impact on how you look on screen. It will exaggerate shadows and blur features making you think you look haggard and misshapen. So you need to make sure you have a decent camera and are sat in bright light. I have warm white lightbulbs in my kitchen and have created a nice area at the kitchen table where I can sit up straight with the laptop at the perfect height. The walls behind me are bright white and help reflect and brighten as well.

Thirdly; wear more makeup than usual. All models, actors etc will wear a different kind of makeup when they’re on camera to prevent themselves from looking washed out and lacking facial definition due to the lighting and cameras. I’ve found wearing more blush and bronzer prevents the moon-faced look, and wearing more eyeliner and mascara brings focus back to the eyes.

None of this means you do look awful, they’re just tips and tricks that help make you look more like yourself on camera. I had a zoom call with friends the other day and all of them looked terrible and nothing like how they look in real life, but it’s because they were all in dim lighting, had their laptops at the wrong height and had terrible quality cameras.

I can’t remember the name of it but there is a condition which makes you think you are ugly. Google it. My friend had it and she’s gorgeous but she really hated looking in the mirror still or moving. You may need psychiatric help to overcome this

@Skyla2005

I can’t remember the name of it but there is a condition which makes you think you are ugly. Google it. My friend had it and she’s gorgeous but she really hated looking in the mirror still or moving. You may need psychiatric help to overcome this

Body dysmorphia

I feel like I'm deluding myself the rest of the time, thinking I'm an averagely attractive, normal looking woman and then I catch sight of myself and realise the truth.
You need to question what you mean by "averagely attractive" and "normal-looking". It is absolutely normal to be heavily wrinkled, extremely overweight, have really bad acne, have a squint, have scarring on your face, etc. etc. That is part of the normal human condition and thus normal-looking. Only people with limited experience of the world, or who enjoy being rude (e.g. some schoolchildren!) will claim to find anything unusual about those things.
As for "averagely attractive", try switching off the TV, putting down your phone, closing that magazine - and take a walk through your city centre, where you will see average people going about their business.

Be kind to yourself - this feeling is a sign that your mental health is under strain. Look up and try out the usual suggestions for improving your mood, and speak to a doctor if this feeling persists.

It's practically universal law that Zoom makes you look hideous. All my (nice looking in real life) friends agree.

I cut a fringe after lots of video calls in the summer after realising I have a big red shiny forehead as big as the moon.

I would advise sitting in semi darkness as far away from the camera as possible, try different angles as well.

Don't worry, nearly everyone thinks they look like a freak on Zoom. You're not, I promise

Apparently you can use either a Zoom filter, or Snapchat filters on Zoom - Google will tell you how.

I have found my people. 😄

Seriously, I know exactly what you mean, and I feel that, too. I wasn’t bad looking when I was young and thin (not that I had any self confidence then, either), but now - middle aged, prematurely menopausal and c.3 stone overweight... just hideous. 😔 I’ll look in the mirror on a good day and think ‘well, you still have nice eyes’, etc, but I do lots of work meetings on zoom/teams and dear lord - what a horrific sight!

One thing to remember is that we are used to seeing ourselves in the mirror, which is a reversed image of our face. Most of us don’t have entirely symmetrical faces, so we get used to seeing the mirror version of ourselves, and when we see a photograph, we look like what other people see, rather than who we see in the mirror. Hence someone saying ‘oh my god I look awful in that photo’ and thinking to yourself ‘but they look just the same as they always do!’.

Those apps which split your face in half and then mirror the two images are funny because they show most people how wonky their faces are. The right side of my face (when duplicated) looks quite normal, but my ‘left face’ is horrendous!

Does that make sense? I’m not feeling very articulate today!

i think you were imagining yourself different and when you saw yourself you were shocked.

I cannot think of one time when I have looked at another person and thought "They're ugly". I've got friends who are very attractive, some who are normal. Some with very interesting faces. The fact is, when I'm talking to them, any of them, I don't notice how they look. I don't spend my time thinking about their looks, because I'm thinking about whatever we're talking about. The fact is, good looks don't last forever anyway, but a nice personality does.

I know I am a good looking woman and I look like utter shit on Zoom. However, I have polished this hideous turd and now I look amazing.. Camera and screen a couple of feet away and six inches above your head. (buy a mike). Get hold of a ring light and you will be stunning at the flick of a switch.
Never have the screen near your face or position it so you are looking down on it.
Also, betcha you are much more attractive than you think.