Does your partner give you compliments?

[Rosemary26]

Hi, lovelies 💐

I’m still trying to come to terms with everything in my toxic relationship, so that I can hopefully truly move on.

He almost never compliments me. I try to dress well, do my makeup, look after myself. And I’m more likely to get compliments from strangers than him, the one person it would have meant the most coming from. It breaks my heart. He’ll openly praise other women in front of me, calling them stunning and gorgeous. My self esteem has crumbled. Considering some toxic behavior from him, I wonder whether he wants me or to feel this way. I used to be confident.

Does your significant other say things to make you feel good about yourself? 💐 I hope so. This hurts so bad. Can you give me examples of what your partner says so that I can see that this isn’t the way every relationship is?

Sorry you're going through this OP
My dp compliments me a lot. Even if it's just a "hello gorgeous" when I get in from work or that the t-shirt I'm wearing suits me. It works both ways, I compliment him too.

I'd be very upset if my bf was complimenting other women to me!!!
Yes he does compliment me.

I'm 43 and I rarely wear make up, I'm two stone overweight and my roots are starting to come through and my husband calls me gorgeous every single day. I know I'm not, but it makes me happy that he cares enough to say it.

He also says I'm bright when I solve a problem, creative when I do something different, a good cook when I make him a nice dinner, a star when I go to the shops etc..... I do the same for him. Life's too short not be appreciated by the one person who should have your back!

If you know you are in a toxic relationship please find the strength to leave.

He’ll openly praise other women in front of me, calling them stunning and gorgeous. My self esteem has crumbled.

That's why he does it. He wants to hurt you. He wants you to lack self-esteem. This is toxic and you should dump his inadequate ass.

dh (married 25 plus years) compliments me all the time. But that isn't the point. if he were the kind of guy who didn't but loved and supported me and thought I was fab, I wouldn't care if I had to ask him did I look nice. If he were the kind of guy who withheld compliments and deliberately made me feel insecure because that kind of shit made him feel like a man -- well who needs that kind of weak toxic shit?

Tell him you are releasing him into the wild to find one of those stunning and gorgeous women he likes so much.

Life's too short not be appreciated by the one person who should have your back!

And this - absolutely this.

I’m also sorry that you’re experiencing this 💐
It does sound toxic if they openly compliment other women in your presence, but never compliment you.
My DP still compliments me a lot after 20+ years. I often don’t have time or energy to make a special effort due to DC and work, but he still fancies me. Sexual attraction obviously helps.
How long have you been together?
Have they always been like this?
Have you discussed it with them?

No never

I also can’t be bothered to do my roots as often as I used to, due to WFH since March.
I also compliment my DP all of the time.
We both appreciate each other and have gently reminded each other to not take each other for granted (which is easily done without realising).

@delilahbucket

That’s so sweet 💛 Gosh, I can’t even imagine. Usually when mine comments on anything I’m wearing it’s to ask, “Are you really going out like that?”

Do you want to leave him @Rosemary26?

@Hesfamousforit

I did try to tell him how his remarks about other women make me feel. He’d always get mad at me and call me jealous. “Just because I’m with you doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes.” 🥺

Get rid of him, op, he doesn't deserve you. My husband of nearly 25 years compliments me all the time. Apparently, I'm the most gorgeous, most intelligent woman who has ever lived. He's most definitely mad but I still appreciate it!

@C0NNIE

I do. I don’t want to accept this, I feel it’s slowly killing me. That being said it is difficult. I’ve been learning about trauma bonds and I think that’s what I have with him. But I have an opportunity coming to leave soon, and I’m determined to take it! I’d rather grow old alone than with someone who tortures me.

No compliments, but he often tells me he loves me, and I always reply 'I'm not surprised'. It makes us both smile, that'll do.

Your partner sounds cruel OP.

@Jess899

That’s beautiful 💐 Thank you for sharing that with me, it’s given me hope for true love. This one, he’ll put me down about anything. When I do the dishes he says I haven’t done them well enough. If I have a low blood sugar episode I’m a “loser who no one else would want.”

Sorry you're going through this.
I've been in abusive relationships before where I never got anything but insults but I left, stayed single for a while and am now married to a wonderful man.

He'll tell me that I'm a wonderful mother which is possibly the best compliment as I sometimes doubt my abilities. He'll tell me I look gorgeous when I've made an effort.
It's just little things here and there but it's what I need.

@pallisers

Thank you so much for your comments 💐

He definitely wants to bring me down. The things he’s said to me... I couldn’t imagine saying those things to anyone. In the next breath he’ll tell me that he loves me, but I smell a rat 🐀

He’s abusive Rosemary26 - emotionally that is.
You deserve better.
Look up women’s aid for information.
He’s not loving or kind to you at all.
Tell him to F off!!!!
What would he do then? Are you scared of him.
I’d leave him as it’s not love -

Rosemary, people who love you try to make you be loved and happy. It is as simple as that. Sometimes that means saying hard things (like you might want to cut back on the ciggies or you should just go back to school or that friend isn't helping you) but it doesn't mean saying mean things for the heck of it.

I suspect you are a lot younger than me. If you leave now you can go on to have a life of your own without someone trying to drag you down and maybe even meet a nice guy who genuinely likes you.

You know the answer to this one OP. good luck.

My ex was like this. Telling me his (female) friends were more attractive than me. Saying he'd rather spend time with them than me cos they're more interesting. It took me too long to leave because he'd damaged my self esteem so much.

It was also hard to recover from and even 2 years later, I still feel like I want his approval but the difference now is that I know that is just the result of his actions.

New partner does compliment me a lot but in such a natural way. It's really nice to feel I can just be me.

I've seen this happen to a lot of my female friends (who definitely are deserving of the compliments) they all ended up in much happier relationships after leaving them

@pallisers

He’ll openly praise other women in front of me, calling them stunning and gorgeous. My self esteem has crumbled.

That's why he does it. He wants to hurt you. He wants you to lack self-esteem. This is toxic and you should dump his inadequate ass.

dh (married 25 plus years) compliments me all the time. But that isn't the point. if he were the kind of guy who didn't but loved and supported me and thought I was fab, I wouldn't care if I had to ask him did I look nice. If he were the kind of guy who withheld compliments and deliberately made me feel insecure because that kind of shit made him feel like a man -- well who needs that kind of weak toxic shit?

Tell him you are releasing him into the wild to find one of those stunning and gorgeous women he likes so much.

This is so wise. I have friends in loving relationships where compliments aren’t really given and love is shown in different ways. Cooking a favourite dinner or bringing the cat over for a cuddle or just listening. My partner compliments me loads and I’m sure it does so much for my self esteem. And that is certainly lovely too.

Your soon to be ex really is a pathetic little man - if you had a daughter being treated like this by her boyfriend would you have him round the house?

‘I did try to tell him how his remarks about other women make me feel. He’d always get mad at me and call me jealous. “Just because I’m with you doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes.” 🥺’

He sounds like a psychopath. Well done for planning to leave. Ensure you do ASAP.

No, he doesn't. Certainly not since after we first got together. Too honest for his own good so I've learnt not to ask.