This is my first post here.... looking for some advice
I've known a man for 15 years, we've always had attraction for each other, but were never single at the same time. In 2011 I was separated from my husband and we started talking. We developed this intense, very real, love but it was over distance. We continued doing this for 2 years and fell harder and harder for each other. It was 100% real love and he makes me feel a way no one else ever has. After some family pressure and deep thoughts I decided to give my marriage another try. I knew it wasn't the same love, I knew he wasn't the love of my life, but I felt obligated to do so. I cut contact with the other man for 5 years.
In that time I tried hard to work at my marriage. We went through many tough times and have two babies now. I have not been happy with my husband for a long, long time. He's wonderful, stable and consistent but there is zero sexual attraction or chemistry. We haven't slept in the same bed for years, and are just roommates. I am turning 35 this year and I want to make changes. I don't want to settle and I don't want to look back in another 10 years and wish I had of changed more.
I contacted the man I love. The man I consider my true love. We started innocently and just got to know each other but we quickly fell back into our old ways. I decided I needed to tell my husband I need to be separated and that I'm not happy and don't see myself with him anymore. We have another place that we take turns going to.
In the past 2 months my ex and I have talked, gotten closer. We both feel the same way about each other. We love each other, we know there is no one else like the other. He has been single since we stopped talking last, and wants to settle down and be with the person he loves.
The problem is there is still distance between us - both physically and emotionally. I find he is very hot and cold with me. He says he loves me, and I'm the one for him, but then he doesn't text me for a few days. He's been honest and told me he's struggling with me just coming back into his life after this long. He's not handling it well. So I'm trying to be understanding and give him space.
I'm ready to move on. I'm working on myself, and I know what I want in a relationship now. There is no rush or pressure, but I find that I'm back at square one and feeling all the insecurities with him. When I ended things with him and went back to my marriage I thought he would hate me forever, I thought I would never be able to tell him about my children. I never thought I would be here, falling in love with him all over again. He knows everything and what I'm going through, and says that the option of us being together one day is on the table. He wants to explore that and see what happens, but then I don't hear from him for a few days.
Am I overthinking things? Do I just need to give him the space he needs?