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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex is having a mental breakdown

28 replies

JCWildWest · 03/01/2021 23:55

Hi

I’ve posted previously when I thought he was involved in an end of the world cult. We have a daughter together who is nearly 15 and we have been separated for over 10 years. He doesn’t have a proper relationship with our daughter he has always opted out but in recent years has escalated into various things. Started easy, became vegan stopped wearing shoes. Then stopped washing stopped working aimed to not be part of society. Fast forward he thought he was going to be beamed up by Viking aliens on 21st December.

He has troubles. A lot I’m sure. Ones which I was not aware of during our relationship (we were young) with his family although I had plenty to do with his family many years ago. I don’t want to go into it but it’s bad apparently

He is threatening to sue me for emotional damage. We haven’t been together for over 10 years he’s been married and divorced in between. He wants a dna test for his daughter, who is nearly 15. I know it can’t go anywhere because it’s nonsense.

I don’t know what to do though because I’m now getting loads of messages varying from threatening to friendly. I know you will say block but, this is his only form of contact and I fear blocking because if he can take it out on messages then he might not take out by trying to meet my daughter after school.

I don’t know what to do. I haven’t replied to any messages he seems like someone who is on the edge. I know I can protect my daughter.

OP posts:
pog100 · 04/01/2021 00:08

What contact does he have with you daughter? I would have thought both you and she should be cutting and face to face contact immediately. She is old enough to decide and I think you should encourage her not to feel responsible for him in any way

Theunamedcat · 04/01/2021 00:12

Speak to the police and your daughters school you might have to get a court order out to prevent him going there and then block him he really isn't your responsibility

Original poster
JCWildWest · 04/01/2021 00:13

His contact is nothing at this point

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 04/01/2021 00:13

Inform the police of the situation. He sounds dangerous, or heading that way fast.

Singlenotsingle · 04/01/2021 00:17

He really needs proper psychiatric help, doesn't he? I don't know that there's much you can do about it though. It sounds as though he's suffering from schitzophrenia. Warn your daughter and the school, and try to make sure she doesn't walk home alone.

CandyLeBonBon · 04/01/2021 00:27

Police. He can't sue you for emotional damage but does sound very very unwell and a possible threat to you and your daughter

silverribbonxmastree · 04/01/2021 00:38

Do you think he might be on drugs?Sounds a bit like my ex who was a coke addict.

Yohoheaveho · 04/01/2021 00:44

Do you think he needs to be sectioned?

AlwaysCheddar · 04/01/2021 07:27

Tell the police! Your dd doesn’t have to, and shouldn’t see him, certainly not alone.

Original poster
JCWildWest · 04/01/2021 07:38

Thanks for responses, they very much mirror my own thoughts. I don’t think drugs are involved though, but not ruling it out. He’s definitely mentally ill and needs help.

DD has been told about this albeit in a filtered way so that she can be on her guard. She knows not to go with him and to avoid engaging with him if he turns up unexpectedly. She’s still going to be at home this week remote learning too with me working from home which is a relief.

I thought about the police but I didn’t think they would do much or be able to help much. I’ve thought about approaching his family but I don’t have a relationship with them and they have been less than kind to me in the past.

It’s all really not my problem, but I can’t help being worried. He’s been odd for many years but there has definitely been a significant escalation to the level I am concerned

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 04/01/2021 08:38

Just to let you know op, my ex was successfully prosecuted for harassment for erratic and threatening behaviour like this so please don't discount it. Everything there was a threat or unwanted contact, I reported it. Please don't discount the idea.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 04/01/2021 08:42

Why not ask the police if there is anything they can do?

litterbird · 04/01/2021 08:52

Collect as much evidence as possible and get to the police. Do not ever underestimate the MH issues that can escalate at the smallest of triggers. Your ex is seriously ill. You must do all you can to protect your daughter and yourself. Many years ago I had a schizophrenic neighbour in the above flat. He did all sorts of weird things and sent all sorts of letters, some lovely, some threatening. I contacted the police with all my evidence and they helped me by getting harrassment orders out on him.

Italiangreyhound · 04/01/2021 09:00

Lots of good advice here. I have would talk to police and school

Flowers
Hoppinggreen · 04/01/2021 09:02

I think speaking to school is a good idea in case he turns up there
Firstly if he tries to access school they will know what’s happening and also so that she has a safe place to go if he accosts her as she leaves

category12 · 04/01/2021 09:13

Could you make a report to adult social care and flag him up to his doctor's practice, if you know it? It sounds like he needs intervention.

Then I would give him an email address to contact you on and block him on your phone. You can then check the special email for him if/when you feel like it. If he continues to harass or makes attempts to bother your dd, get the police involved.

edwinbear · 04/01/2021 09:47

I have an aunt with schizophrenia, some of the traits he is displaying sound similar. Like PP, I think this should be reported to social care, if he is that unwell but refusing to seek help himself, there is the possibility of having him sectioned under the Mental Health Act. He really does sound like he needs some help quite urgently.

Yohoheaveho · 04/01/2021 11:19

As said by pp, even if you're not sure what the best way forward is keep a very detailed record of everything that happens and then you'll have what you need to build your case when you make a decision

Original poster
JCWildWest · 04/01/2021 20:05

Thanks all for your advice and suggestions. I’ve looked into a few things today and due to him being awkward for a long time I have limited information for him, I don’t have an address or anything as he has always refused to provide it. So I think I would struggle to get any services involved such as police or social care or medical.

I am however going to set up an email address that he can message if needs be and then block everything on my phone because my own mental health is suffering. I panic every time my phone goes off at the moment. DD isn’t going anywhere for the time being so I don’t need to worry about that and if he came to our address I would call the police.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 04/01/2021 20:30

I did the same op. Set up a rule to divert his messages on email and mark them a 'read' so I wasn't jarred every time I looked at my inbox. Stay safe

CandyLeBonBon · 04/01/2021 20:30

Does he drive op?

Original poster
JCWildWest · 04/01/2021 20:35

He doesn’t, last I knew he had a little moped thing

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 04/01/2021 20:36

Ok. Well if he turns up make a note of his registration as the police can trace him from that. Just a thought Thanks

Dizzy1234 · 04/01/2021 20:37

I had a neighbour with MH issues harass me, police sorted him out and they told me that MH issues can not be used as an excuse to harass others.
Report him OP, he has too close ties to you and could end up being a real threat to your safety

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