Asexual partner?

[Moscovium]

I'm wondering whether my DW is just uninterested in sex, or whether its "me".. iyswim. It's a difficult topic and I dont know how to approach it.

Mid 30s and havent had sex for years. I brought it up a year ago, but she seemed happy with the relationshipas it was. But said she enjoyed sex last time...

I've tried to be honest with her. For me it started to become so infrequent that I dreaded it and didnt find it enjoyable. I think I'm a sexual person and think about it alot so I dont think I'm asexual. And she might be the same, but when I asked her should we have more sex, she said that she felt that for our age we were "normal"..

Please dont burn me. I know I take insignificant amount of the blame for a sexless relationship. Do I just ask her outright if she is asexual maybe?

The fact you don't have children is FANTASTIC as it means you can get out. And get out you should. Keep things amicable, but go straight to the exit, do not pass Go, do not collect £200.

I'm genuinely touched by all your help. Lots of great advice and lots to take in. It is a shock to read some of what has been said, and I am not going to lie I do feel scared and ashamed.

I think the poster talking about dangling the carrot makes sense. Look .. I know emotionally I am very naïve, but I guess its very hard when you are in the middle of it, and its a slow and long process over a length of time.

When I look back at some of the things said then yes, at the time they didnt mean that much, but when you frame it in the context of

-A year ago I asked her outright if she wanted kids and she said "I didn't think I did, but now I do"

• When I asked her recently how she expected to have kids in a sexless marriage she just said that she assumed I would "fix it"

And ironically.. looking back the sex started to dwindle soon after we got married and she came off the pill. But there was a lot going on with careers and supporting family. I just never realised.

Whatever about scared, you have no reason to feel ashamed OP. I think you and your wife are, as another poster said, singing in two different choirs. However, your expectations and hopes are entirely normal and reasonable - hers not so much - and I think she has and is treating you very shabbily. Frankly, I think you have been a saint to put up with it this long. The only shame would be if you continued to do so, something has to 'shift' - it sounds like she is happy with the status quo so I'm afraid that you will have to do so. Courage my friend...

You definitely have nothing to be ashamed of. Some relationships don't work out and millions of people separate all the time.

You have a job and no dependants. You are in a very good position to forge an independent life and this is the first step on the road to happiness. You could easily meet someone who wants to share a full life with you. You can have companionship, fun, laughter, sex, family, everything. The longer you stay where you are, the more time you are wasting.

Start looking at your finances. The house will need to be sold. You can take control of this, instigate a separation and get the house on the market. Make a plan. Your whole future is out there just waiting for you to grab it.

Really sorry op but this really does seem like much more than just a sex issue here. She seems to have already removed herself emotionally aswell from you. Clearly she doesn’t want children If she did she would be wanting lots of sex. That’s the time when a women usually wants the most sex because her body is telling her too conceive !!! I’m not sure you can save this. She seems very selfish and you sound very unhappy. Maybe you should suggest a separation and see if she will open up more to you afterwards Your mental health will suffer if nothing changes. Good luck.