Ex h just called me a dumb cunt.

[Souvlaki]

This because I told him he was angry because I wont sleep with him which is true. He is taking our small autistic kids out and it’s all about him. He wouldn’t listen to me asking to decide where he was taking them so I could talk my son through it all and he could write it down which helps him. He’s got a tiny flat which he’s insisted is inappropriate for them until now and he must visit our house. Now he’s j dusting on every weekend abs half the holidays. My kids jump off furniture , will pull ur off walls, put wires in mouth etc etc . I have doors all with locks, windows locked, furniture strapped to walls etc etc. I’m terrified. Please advise on how to handle him. How do I get my lawyer to understand the particular needs of my kids with ASD?

Our divorce was hanging in balance- I will be contacting lawyer to finalise this week. Finances are sorted but still to agree parenting plan. How do I deal with him? We separated when one of my children was 6 months old abs the other 3. It’s been 3 years. He is utterly selfish it’s all about his needs. I’m happy for the kids to spend time with him but only if they are safe and not every weekend abs half the hols in a one bed flat.

Don’t let him stay in your house! He can deal with the kids properly.

Take the high road, OP. Don't let it get to you and don't get drawn into slagging matches. If he starts, just pause very deliberately and then change the subject, very calmly. Assume the air of a parent waiting for a toddler to finish their tantrum. Rise above.

Let him have them. He'll very quickly see what you're saying and, without you hovering and having smoothed the way, will see what you're dealing with. I very much doubt he'll continue clamouring to have them so frequently.

He’s the dumb cunt. You are nothing of the sort. Don’t let him get to you, that’s what he wants.

Just let him have the kids at his place, the judge will rule in his favour anyway.

Thank you for your supportive suggestions. I am terrified at him keeping them out all day it’s very hard to keep them both safe but I have to let them go. I’m not having in my home anymore.

Why do you say that wherewildthingsare? Are you a specialist in Family Law?

I have no intention of stopping him from having the kids I just want to ensure is for an amount of time abs in a setting which is not detrimental to then if I can.

Hi Op
I can totally understand why you are in process of getting divorced from your selfish man child dead beat of husband.!!!

Why on earth can't your husband take the children to their grandparents on his side of the family then?

Also encourage him to find a suitable/bigger place to live at.

(For your Children's sake an your Sanity...

I think its your husband issue to find an alternative ways/activities to ensure his children are looked after properly such as taking them to the park etc.

Its your husband fault for being such a selfish emotionally abusive Prick to you,
Now he is facing the consequences of being such a Loser..

So much better off without him,I know it may not allways seem like that being hard work being a single parent .

Can someone please explain why wherethewildthingsare says that? It’s really unhelpful if not justified.

Hi mother is abroad abs not in good health can’t travel. No other family. Mine are very elderly. We have no One but each other that’s why I was considering trying to make it work. Was trying to do birds best style visits to help my autistic kids cope. Even had him here for Xmas.after being called a dumb cunt I’ve had enough.he’s furious because I’m not dancing on his eggshells anymore and have been ignoring texts .

wherethewildthingsare is right - courts will generally award equal share of contact with the father, unless they can be shown to be really terrible people (like a convicted violent criminal).

It's not worth fighting over contact unless a bad event has already happened which proves the other parent to be unsafe.

I know this from bitter experience, as do many other women.

Don't let him inside your home any more. The children are his responsibility when they are on his time.

Really? Two autistic children in an unsuitable one bedroom flat for half of all holidays? Surely every other weekend and one week during long holidays abs half of half terms would be reasonable?

Ignore anything he says he is your ex.

Do you have social worker involved from children with disabilities team? Arrange an appt and get them involved.
My children with disabilities sw was great support when i had issues with ex. Dc with asd.
Let them visit ex and assess.
Dont have him visit in your house
It s not your responsibility to sort out his home.
If court has ordered contact hand them over.

If no order yet and you assess it is unsafe then dont hand over..but do raise issues with your sw hv and gp..

Sadly I was correctly told judges are reckless with other people's dc.. The best I got was that exh had to let me know of any medical instances as he had tried to keep 2 quite serious accidents from me...
I being ds about 4 falling on some huge rocks at the beach resulting in stitches above his eye. Exh had been up on the pier at the time. Exh took them back the same place the next week end... Another time same dc fell through a frozen pond. Told me ds has splashed his trousers when he came back in his cousin's clothes... I feel for you op....

@Souvlaki

Really? Two autistic children in an unsuitable one bedroom flat for half of all holidays? Surely every other weekend and one week during long holidays abs half of half terms would be reasonable?

Well, yes. Autistic kids are born to all sorts of families in all sorts of circumstances. There will be families with autistic kids that councils have housed in bedsits, albeit as emergency accommodation (though often families live in emergency accomodation for months, going on to years).

I absolutely understand your fear, OP. However, maybe once your idiot exH has experienced looking after the children by himself once or twice, he will realise what an insane job it is, and his demands to have them all the time will cease.

I'm guessing he's demanding so much contact so that he doesnt have to pay maintenance. Scumbag.

@Souvlaki

Can someone please explain why wherethewildthingsare says that? It’s really unhelpful if not justified.

I took it to mean the judge will give him access which he will unless you can prove he is horrendous (I.e. criminal conviction)

Do not have access with him in your home or let him move in/stay.

My advice would be to stick to emails and always give yourself 24 hours before replying to take the emotion out of it and never write anything you wouldn't be happy for your children to read.
Good luck.

Hi yes I have a social worker abs section 17 is underway .

Is it financial reasons why he has a one bed flat?

Topbants is correct, many families are in a variety of housing situations and don’t have the luxury of multiple bedrooms and space.

Hit send too soon.
What's court ordered and what happens are very different.

I saw some kind of stat about paternal contact. It was something like over 70% of men never fully utilise the court order contact. Half the time they are seeking to punish the mother's or have some romanticized idea. The reality of trying to actually look after kids for weeks at a time and use all annual leave is pretty shitty and most can't be bothered.

So even if he is awarded 50/50 he is highly unlikely to actually utilise it.

TopBants of course I am aware of that of course I am but it’s the combination of his situation with his lack of parenting experience as he has been so lazy that’s partly why I separated. He had only leant to cook for himself in the last year using meal kits. He’s late 40s. What scares me is it’s all about his needs not theirs really . It’s all about his rights and wants abs needs.

Imagine yourself in a 1 bed flat with your dc...(no offence meant).
How long do you think he will stick to it?
Give a man enough rope op..