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Original poster

Strange Facebook requests - somethings up with DP

33 replies

Namechange989 · 03/01/2021 08:29

Had to name change as this is very outing and don’t want it linked.

DP and I have been together 3.5 years. We have DS (1) together.

There’s no major drama in our relationship. Now or ever. We’ve had some rocky times particularly when DS was tiny, but normal sleep deprived, new parents stuff and nothing else.

We’re currently buying a house together. Due to exchange in the next few days.

A long while ago (before I was even pregnant) we were on holiday when I got a friend request from one of his short term ex girlfriends on Instagram. I found this odd and asked him why she would do that and he said he had no idea and that maybe she was just trying to be nosey as my account is private. I was a bit suspicious but there was absolutely no other reason to think anything untoward was going on so I ignored the friend request and forgot about it.

Anyway this morning, his last long term girlfriends mum has added me on Facebook. Totally bizarre.
The odd thing is DP and I work for the same company, and so does this ex - we have actually worked together and have lots of mutual friends. There’s no bad blood between us and they were over a long time before DP and I got together. They split before I worked there and he had other medium term relationships in between them.

I’m really confused and I’m adding them together and thinking this is odd now. I’m overthinking like mad.

Thoughts welcome? Strange or am I being crazy?

OP posts:
SuperHighway · 03/01/2021 08:38

I think people are just nosey, and on SM particularly women. My Adult DD has had friend requests from people who bullied her at school (we removed her from the school is was so bad), and friends she fell out with 15 years ago. It seems very strange to me but SM is a strange place.

Knucklehead101 · 03/01/2021 08:40

Could it be that she was FB stalking you and accidentally clicked add friend. Not that I have ever done this cough

TheStoic · 03/01/2021 08:41

Probably a slip of the thumb, in both cases.

They’ve probably both posted here on ‘social media fails’ threads.

Those two people are not connected to each other, are they? What specifically is worrying you?

Original poster
Namechange989 · 03/01/2021 08:42

I should add that I’m very careful with privacy for reasons relating to work. My profiles are locked down so nothing can be seen and no messages can be sent unless I’m friends with someone and I have only people who I’m actually connected to IRL on there. Family, friends, work friends. I would never add someone I wouldn’t go for a coffee / drink with IRL.

OP posts:
FleetwoodRaincoat · 03/01/2021 08:43

What Knucklehead said. My Dad does this all the time.

Treacletreacle · 03/01/2021 08:43

You said it was her mum who has added you, is your partner friends with either of them on Facebook? I would imagine its just a case of you have come up as a person she might know. I'm sure it they wanted to contact you to be nasty or inform you of anything they would have just sent you a message rather than add you as a friend.

squee123 · 03/01/2021 08:43

I imagine it's a mistake. It's annoyingly really easy to accidentally friend request someone on my Facebook app. It makes friend suggestions based on mutual friends etc and it's really easy to accidentally hit "request" whilst scrolling past. Quite a few times I've had a notification someone I have no recollection of requesting has accepted. Normally someone totally random where we share a couple of friends.

Left · 03/01/2021 08:44

Have you checked your "other" messages folder on Facebook? If she had anything to say I'd have thought she'd message you before friend requesting. If there's no message then I'd assume she might have added you by mistake.

Original poster
Namechange989 · 03/01/2021 08:44

No they’re not connected to each other in any way.

The only connection to the recent add is that obviously I work with this ex. I’m friends with her new partner. There’s never been weirdness.

I guess I’m suspicious that they’re either trying to speak to me for some reason ( to tell me something / warn me about something?) or that I should be suspicious he’s maybe cheated and they were trying to tell me. Although that was more the last one than this one.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 03/01/2021 08:46

What else has happened that would make you think that was a possibility?

You could always accept their requests and see what happens.

category12 · 03/01/2021 08:47

Probably came up as "someone you might know" on the mum's list and she's the type to just add away.

If it was the mum and daughter, then that would be worrisome, but as two unconnected, not so much.

Original poster
Namechange989 · 03/01/2021 08:47

Can anyone tell me how to check the ‘other’ messages on Facebook messenger app?

Thought I knew but evidently not.

Although I think both Facebook and Instagrsm are set up so someone can’t message unless they’re friends - I guess this is why I’m thinking they were trying to message but perhaps not.

OP posts:
PatchworkElmer · 03/01/2021 08:48

I wouldn’t think anything of it, unless there’s a massive backstory. People are nosey, perhaps they were having a snoop and added you accidentally. I’m sure if they wanted to tell you something, they would’ve tried harder (i.e. messaged you).

category12 · 03/01/2021 08:48

Do you have other reasons to suspect your partner of being up to no good?

PatchworkElmer · 03/01/2021 08:49

Just seen that they can’t message you. Can you message them before adding, play dumb and ask how they know you? I’ve done this before when off people have added me.

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 03/01/2021 08:51

I never add anyone on FB who comes up in that rogues’ gallery of “people you may know” and was surprised when someone rolled their eyes at me and told me you’re meant to add them all. Perhaps that’s what’s happened- they’re people who add everyone who comes in front of them.

Original poster
Namechange989 · 03/01/2021 08:52

There’s no specific reason I think my partner would have cheated.

My last long term relationship ended after I discovered he’d been seeing someone else at work. I was devastated but packed my bags and didn’t look back.

I guess I’m just nervous about it happening again. It’s been a tough year with COvid and a young baby and adapting to the lack of time together etc. Nothing more than what everyone experiences I’m sure. It’s not exactly like we’ve been able to slope off for date nights!

I’m very stressed at the moment with the house move and I return to work this week after a year and a bit off on mat. I’m probably just overthinking this due to so much going on.

Perhaps I need to give my head a wobble.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 03/01/2021 08:52

Lots of People friend anyone they can see a connection with. I get requests from people who live in the same village as me, but I've never met them in person. Ditto, friends of a friend. I find older people who aren't SM savvy do it- it's like if they know who you are they friend you. They also send the pass it on videos in messenger. They think they should, that it's what SM is for.

Your 'friending/sm' habits aren't relevant to how they make their decision, so try not to worry. Or let them in for a week then remove them, just to set your mind at rest.

Original poster
Namechange989 · 03/01/2021 08:54

I don’t want to add her - I have pictures of my son etc on Facebook and I don’t want to add people I don’t really know. I’m worried messaging her would be weird and confrontational?

OP posts:
AwaAnBileYerHeid · 03/01/2021 08:55

You can send people messages on Facebook if you're not friends with them. As others say, I'm sure they've been noseying and have accidentally hit the request friend button.

Why have you jumped to the extreme conclusions though, have other things happened?

fromthesamecloth · 03/01/2021 08:55

Hand hold OP as times have been hard this year and I can understand how easy it is to work yourself up but I think you’re right and do need to give your head a wobble. Like a PP said, people are actually just weird on social media and add people who they don’t really know - especially if they can’t see anything on your profile until you accept! DD is on private mode on Instagram and is always confused about why so and so has requested to add her but ultimately it’s just because they are nosy and want to see stuff on your profile. If you have no other reasons to suspect, I’d drop it Flowers

category12 · 03/01/2021 08:56

Just message them and say "hi, do I know you?" Gives them the opportunity to explain if there's a revelation coming, yet will most likely turn out to be "oops" or similar. Should put your mind at rest.

user1493494961 · 03/01/2021 08:58

I wouldn't think anything of it. If I'm a bit bored, I'll try and find past acquaintances on Facebook, see what they might be up to, and I've inadvertently sent a couple of friends requests in the process, they were just being nosy.

satnighttakeaway · 03/01/2021 09:02

Different people use social media in different ways, it's a massive leap to think that means something suspicious is going on. It does suggest you have some other reason to jump to that conclusion, it's not a natural first thought imo.

ScottishStottie · 03/01/2021 09:03

Its ridiculously easy to accidently friend request someone who appears as 'someone you may know' on facebook when scrolling. Dp's ex regularly appears on mine due to mutual friends and i always have the fear that ill accidently friend request her. No bad feeling between them at all, but ive never met her, likely never will, so would be very strange to add her 😂

How close together time wise were the two requests?

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