To disappear or message

[wonderingaboutlife1]

I've had a man in my life for the last 4 months. The first 2 were great, the last 2 have been complicated to say the least and we (more him) decided not to pursue any relationship but to remain as friends as we work together. No point in adding the details particularly.

The last week or 2, he's been fairly up and down with contact. Last week I sent a message saying that it was starting to get easier to not think about him all the time. He came back with a huge emotionally filled message saying all the things he liked about me and how he felt and how he was finding it difficult etc etc and he would call me, then he disappeared for a day.

I replied in a casual way, he replied again on New Year's Eve with the last sentence saying he would "call me next year" 🙄 and I've not heard from him since. I replied to the message, and sent another one this morning saying I had a free morning if he fancied a chat. Nothing. I can see he's read these messages so is effectively ghosting me.

The question is; do you block and try to stay strong with no contact? Or do you send one last message and say "your behaviour is really confusing and hurtful and I deserve better etc etc" but worded better obviously 😂 and let him come back with a reason? Or, probably, more silence?

Write out the message saying everything you want to say as petty and moany as you feel,

Then don’t send it. Just delete and find yourself something to do that keeps you from looking at your phone!

Remember - if he wanted to, he would. And no response IS a response.

No one is so busy they can’t message, at least to say that they ARE busy ! X

If you didn't work with him, I'd recommend ignoring and maybe block.

Since you do work together, I would just tell him you'd prefer if you could go back to being work mates and not pursue anything romantic as it wasn't working for you. And then just stop contact/replying unless it's work related. This way you've done the right thing by letting him know his behaviour doesn't cut it with you, maintaining your professional relationship with no drama and you've taken control by ending it definitively (not leaving it in his court).

Do not get sucked into more back and forth like the last time. Send the message then just stop replying to anything else he sends in that regard. He's far too flaky to say anything of value anyway.

@Wildthingsx
Yes, trying to remember that no response is a response. He comes back with the "things are really difficult at home at the moment" and I know that, but he could still find 2 minutes to reply. He managed to find time to write 12 bloody paragraphs when I said I'd had enough last time 🤦🏻‍♀️

@JurassicParkAha
Definitely need to keep it as professional and friendly regarding work as is possible - especially as it will be me that will have to cover for the work that needs to be done if he leaves!

I agree that no response is a response. I would write out what I wanted to say in my journal.

Block and delete

He wants you to want him, but doesn't want the relationship. Keep it work focused, block anything relationshipy.

You work with him so just keep all comms work based I think . No response is a response as painful as it is especially as you’ve let him know your availability. I wouldn’t send any further messages. It hurts and I’m so sorry but it’s best not to get sucked in to deal with his up and down/hot and cold behaviour.
I’m learning not to take men by their words as that’s the only way I think I can quickly get over being ghosted.

Is he married?

It's just a bit crap because he is lovely, and I know I need to start telling myself that he doesn't give a shit. But I do genuinely believe him when he tells me why he can't be in contact etc.

I'm going to try my best to leave it alone from now on and see what happens. It's going to be hard not to reply if he does make contact, but I'm setting my expectations low and not expecting a response now.

Definitely do feel like he wants me there as a back up for when it suits him.

Stay strong OP, it’s hard not to take it personally but definitely better it ends here than when you are really invested

Is he a married guy?

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Is he a married guy?

He's told me he's going through a divorce 🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh dear.....

Let me guess, they're staying in the same house until he's sorted? And they haven't had sex for shes? And he stayed 'for the kids' because he's such a good dad?

*"haven't had sex for years" that was meant to say

You're defining "lovely" in a very strange way.

Please don’t contact him again op. To him it’s just going to look like begging, if he wanted to contact you he will. Trying to emotionally blackmail him into contacting you is not going to make this relationship work and it will just make him pity you for your desperation. You’d react the same if some bloke you weren’t that into was texting you along the same lines

Let it go now. 💐

Just cut him loose. If he wanted to be with you he’d be with you. There’s no point in wasting another minute of your time or Emery on this flake. Just leave him alone.

Block and delete. He's very much married. Don't involve yourself with attached men in future.

Cutting him off. Thank you for your comments

He's not lovely. He has been unkind in ignoring your messages so I really would not message a 3rd time. He is not concerned with your feelings so I would just go back to a polite work-colleague type relationship otherwise he will continue to mess with your head.

Don't block (you work together, you will look insane and its the ultimate childish flounce that screams insecurity) just don't text him ever again. You can do it!!

«He's not lovely. He has been unkind in ignoring your messages so I really would not message a 3rd time. He is not concerned with your feelings so I would just go back to a polite work-colleague type relationship otherwise he will continue to mess with your head.»

This.

I'm in a similar boat with a guy, last heard from him on NYE. I've decided just to disappear, no message, no block and if he contacts me again I'll just not respond.

Basically just act as if he was just a figment of your imagination.

I wouldn't believe all that crap about him getting divorced.