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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I know I have been ghosted 👻

34 replies

chocobaby · 02/01/2021 05:53

Hi all
I’ve been single for a long time and I met this lovely guy online before Christmas. We chatted for and all was good. We are both divorced with kids. He’s in his 50s and I’m 40. We went out for a nice walk around the excel center and walked to his flat. We were so keen on each other we fixed a date for the next week. That went well and he asked if I could stay the night which I did.
We were meant to meet again on the 26th and had planned to do stuff, eat leftovers etc. I didn’t hear from him until late in the evening saying he had his kids over etc. That was ok. Then the next day he had ‘picked up a bug’ and had d and v etc.
He called me apologizing and saying how he didn’t like that he’d let me down, he had a lot of making up to do etc.
We had a phone call and he said he was going to come to mine. Half an hour after that call he said he was not in a state to drive as he felt dizzy etc. I offered to go to him and he agreed.
I’d planned to leave the next day after a night but at about noon he told me he wasn’t fun to be with as he was so unwell and I shouldn’t take it the wrong way but he’d book me a cab home. I was ok with it and after an hour or so (we watched a movie together) I left.

He called me when I got home and we chatted. He was going to come to mine for lunch and he said he was going to bring some wine. On said day, I get a text on the morning saying he’d left to see his kids for a few hours in Somerset and he would send me an ETA at mine. All seemed well until I got a message at 5pm saying he’d like to go for dinner with his kids so he was going to stay back there ‘for now’. I got a bit suspicious, so I looked on the app and his current location at that time was his home in London Hmm
I unmatched him and ignored him for a bit. We also had plans for NY so I text him on NYE to say I was going out on NY. He hasn’t responded and doesn’t appear to have been on watsapp for a couple of days which is strange! He’s normally on it a fair bit. I know he hasn’t blocked me as I can still see his profile photo etc.

So I know the thrill of the chase is over and all that and I invested too much too quickly. I don’t even know the point of this post other than to share and moan a bit. I think I dodged a bullet to be honest. I don’t like being single but I wouldn’t want to be with someone who can’t be relied on.
And the way he does it is to behave like we didn’t have any plans, without any consideration to let me know he was going to go off and do his own thing.

OP posts:
WouldstrokeTomHardy · 02/01/2021 06:34

Bonkers. Utterly bonkers

Rainbowqueeen · 02/01/2021 06:39

Definitely dodged a bullet.
Next

KatherineJaneway · 02/01/2021 06:49

Yup, he's a sex and next type of guy. Plenty more fish in the sea OP Flowers

chocobaby · 02/01/2021 07:06

Thank you 😊
Shocking that he’s a sex and next kind of guy at 52!

OP posts:
lunalulu · 02/01/2021 07:19

@chocobaby

Thank you 😊 Shocking that he’s a sex and next kind of guy at 52!
Not really shocking - he must always have been like that, and how long he's been alive doesn't change that ... ☺️

Or he got cold feet. Either way, not worth dwelling on I guess. Good you didn't get more involved!

MiaFarrowsWheelbarrow · 02/01/2021 07:37

"Looked on the App"

Which App? (I'm being nosey)

Sorry, it didn't work out for you this time.

Llyn · 02/01/2021 08:00

If the app is Tinder I think the location only updates when you open it? So it might just be that he hasn’t looked at it since he was in London. And if he’s not been on WhatsApp either maybe his illness has got worse or something’s happened to his phone? I know that’s unlikely...

chocobaby · 02/01/2021 08:20

He was lying. You know when you have that gut feeling. That was what made me go and look on the app. Maybe his illness got worse but I won’t know. I doubt it got so bad that he hasn’t looked at his WhatsApp messages. It does hurt, but it was too much of a red flag. He only stuck to our plans until the second date- after then it was one let down after the other.

OP posts:
hydroxychloroquinegate · 02/01/2021 10:50

You do know we in the midst of a pandemic, don't you? 🙄 Jeeze!

Purplecatshopaholic · 02/01/2021 11:19

Bullet: dodged. Sad he’s a twat but better to find out now. Next...!

Mermaidwaves · 02/01/2021 12:01

Trust your gut OP, you know he's messing you around, your instincts are telling you. I think you can always tell when their interest goes, even if its very subtle. In the past I've ignored the signs and ended up chasing, I know better now. I think the letting you down constantly and changing of plans would be a total ball ache so probably best it doesn't continue. It all sucks though I know.

Nunoftheother · 02/01/2021 12:07

Unfortunately a series of cancellations invariably means either he's not interested or he's lying (or both).

Hope someone nice and reliable comes along in 2021.

PumpkinPieAlibi · 02/01/2021 12:07

You can be blocked on WhatsApp and still see the person's profile pic. Their 'Last seen' however, remains on the date when they blocked you which sounds like what happened here.

dontdisturbmenow · 02/01/2021 12:14

Maybe he got a positive for COVID test but is a coward and not telling you.

I agree with the above, so much for the pandemic!

Nunoftheother · 02/01/2021 12:14

@chocobaby

Thank you 😊 Shocking that he’s a sex and next kind of guy at 52!
Unfortunately some of them just never seem to grow up.
scaredofchange · 02/01/2021 12:15

Happened to me twice last year. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger is definitely true. I seem to bounce back quicker each time. These men clearly have no manors and who wants that anyway.hope you feel better soon .. I know you will xx

TammyHullfigure · 02/01/2021 12:20

@hydroxychloroquinegate

You do know we in the midst of a pandemic, don't you? 🙄 Jeeze!
Are we? Please tell us more... I seem to have missed the news on this one. Hmm
kidhelp · 02/01/2021 12:23

He killed a person and has been using you as an alibi you need to run fast

chocobaby · 02/01/2021 12:47

I had a sneaky look and added him on another mobile and I saw the same thing. He’s always had his last seen turned off even before we moved from the dating app to WhatsApp. Not sure if you’ve heard of whatsdoc? 😄 I looked him up on there and he has not been online. I’m the kind of person who likes to cover all the bases!

OP posts:
chocobaby · 02/01/2021 12:49

@scaredofchange thanks 😊 and I agree. I’ve accepted it, haven’t called him and moved right on. It really does hurt but I’m kind of over it now. Onwards and upwards xx

OP posts:
3u33y · 02/01/2021 13:12

He sounds awful- I dodged a bullet there! Move on! 😂

3u33y · 02/01/2021 13:13

U rather

trevorandsimon · 02/01/2021 13:38

Maybe get to know someone first before you spend the night?

Packitin · 02/01/2021 18:48

He's just a knob OP. He will be back, sniffing around you in no time. Mark my words.

So just sit back, wait....and then smirk.... send a thumbs up and delete Grin

Sillysandy · 02/01/2021 19:15

Op I'm gonna give you some tough love -

It all went wrong when you said you had plans for the 26th, didn't hear from him till the evening when he cancelled and that was fine.

Give yourself a shake. Why is that fine? Of course it's not fine. He didn't even have the manners to cancel with notice. I would not have even replied to that message.

Then it gets worse with more cancellations, downgrading of effort and you going to see him.

Come on now, who cares what he is doing or thinking or whatever. This is about you. You deserve better. You need to treat yourself better.

Set those standards high and wait for a man who comes along to meet them.

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