Ducks in a row?

[ducksquestion]

Can anyone suggest some help getting my ducks in a row?

How do you hide your get away money? I have a little I invested secretly in Bitcoin, it's grown and I'd like to cash in at some point. If I put it in the bank then I'd need to declare it surely? Do people hide cash? Can I open a bank account in one of my children's names? I'm not leaving for 1-2 years, the situation is safe (no violence) and tolerable for now. If I left now he will financially ruin me, in the next year or so our financial position will most likely be enormously different and I'll be financially safe.

I bought some shares
And just open a bank account in a different bank ensuring everything is papers

Paperless 😴

And you just don't mention this account? I'd need to set up a new email to access it from surely? How do you transfer money? Use cash or write yourself cheques so it doesn't show what it is?

I had a friend who added cash back at the till to the weekly shop and saved it. It just showed as one amount on the bank statement from the supermarket. I can't do that as the shopping goes on a credit card which is paid off in full. You can't get cash back on a credit card.

If I got cash back at the supermarket on debit from my own account would it look like I bought groceries?

Do you have a friend or relative that could put it in their account for you? Otherwise I’d think about maybe hiding some somewhere. In cash I mean.

Not sure what you mean by "if I put it in a bank I'd have to declare it"? Declare it to whom?

Does your salary go into a joint account? Do you have a separate account in your name only? Either way, I might invent something you're saving up for if it would be too stressful to hide the whole process from your h. Could you set your heart on a new car or something?

@Chicchicchicchiclana
Declare the account in the event of divorce. You have to declare all assets. My husband will use every penny in solicitors fees.

You have to declare all assets in a divorce. If you don’t there can be ramifications

Ducks in a row is just arming yourself with the information about what accounts there are and amounts, so that you can challenge what is declared in the divorce.
Also you would need any passports and other papers for any children, and other important documents or copies.
You would also need enough money under your exclusive control to actually get away in the short to medium term. As it can take year's to get the money from the divorce so you want a reasonable amount of independence in the mean time, especially if you have to leave the home yourself.
Hope that helps.

You will have to declare the money at some point during the divorce proceedings. The point is to have enough money that only you have immediate access to in order to facilitate leaving. Eg deposit for a rental and first 3 months rent, money to buy a car or keep up car payments, money for utilities and food etc.

I recommend skimming. If you can divert 20 a week as day to day expenses (coffee at work,lunches, fuel for car) then stash the cash. You'll amass a grand in a year, if it's in 20s that can be hidden.

Any account in your name will show up on an Experian check or similar. It depends if you want just enough to get away, or if you want a bit to restart with.

If you are keeping cash, which is withdrawn as part of a pattern of everyday spending in small amounts and is not then placed into another account, it's effectively invisible in the event that someone would run financial checks on you to establish what your holdings are.

If he's not abusive (which you don't suggest he is) then honestly I feel pretty uncomfortable with this thread.

If a man came on asking for ways to hide money in the event of a divorce there would be uproar.

I have accounts in my name which I can access he has accounts in his name which only he can accss. In case of divorce of course we would have to diclare but if we did slit up I would have some initial money. Isn,t that the point.

Duck in a row is also about finding and keeping evidence of his financial situation so he can't lie about it in court. You should make copies of anything financial of his that you can, and keep them somewhere he definitely won't come across them. (At your work, if you work?)

Also, worth having a conversation with a solicitor even if you're not ready to leave yet, to understand where you stand and how it works.

When you say he'll spend every penny on solicitors, what do you mean? What do you think he'll be trying to achieve? Worth running it past a solicitor so you know how realistic or not it is and what your rights are.

So it depends what you're asking...

To put a bit of money aside that he isn't aware of for something like a rental deposit - okay

To hide money so it doesn't need to be declared in divorce - really not okay

@umpteennamechanges

If he's not abusive (which you don't suggest he is) then honestly I feel pretty uncomfortable with this thread.

If a man came on asking for ways to hide money in the event of a divorce there would be uproar.

The OP doesn't say he's not abusive, she says he isn't violent. The two are not the same.

If she's so worried about saving some money for herself that she's having to think of ways to add it to the grocery bill then I would strongly suspect there is financial abuse going on.

Also, her fear of the threat of her DH using the courts against her rings warning bells.

Plus, she's talking about money to survive: a little bit off the grocery bill. This is hardly someone trying to hide assets unfairly in a divorce, this is someone trying to make an exit plan.

She doesn't need to explain herself to us, it's bloody obvious what's going on here, a woman is trying to escape a controlling man. Sadly, so many of us here recognise this.

You should always have an account to which you are sole signatory. The biggest mistake anyone makes is to have your pay go direct into a joint account. When I married my wife we were in agreement that we would have a joint account and joint savings we both paid the majority into, but we both retained our own accounts and keep a few hundred back a month each for our own spends.

If OP wants immediate cash then they should have their own account. Alternatively I would suggest buying precious metals. If the OP wants to have some restart cash going forward without having to give away half of your financial prudence, then skim.

Having money is the difference between a long drawn out fight over assets and being able to say 'take the house/car/white goods' and avoiding a lot of legal fees that will just sap both parties.

But hiding money away can be seen as a form of abuse. (Think if he was doing it? and if it,s good for the goose it,s good for gander.).

I am not saying don,t do it. I ma just saying two can play the game.

I presume this isn't about hiding income, so much as saving some separately in your name for use (and easy access) to pay for a solicitor and accommodation deposit? Are your wages going into your own account? Transfer some to a savings account. You can probably only "hide" cash, and you don't want much of that lying around.
If you aren't working, find a full-time job asap - any job - regardless of childcare costs (joint family expense), because that's your way of getting substantial income into your own account.
You mention that your finances will change significantly in a couple of years. If you are thinking inheritance, don't count on it if the inheritance is on his side.

Thank you @fastwigglylines exactly this.

If things were reasonable I wouldn't be in this situation. I do have an account but each time I gain money it's 'needed' for something. He will not save a penny from his vast salary. I can spend a lot on credit card but he will not save or invest anything. I do have assets which are now joint. If he takes half and uses london barristers he will loose me everything on purpose, he has told me this. I'm waiting until he exits his company with hopefully enough money that the financial situation won't be an issue.

I know he gets paid some money in foreign accounts, it's impossible to find. I have some details but courts are not forensic accountants. I don't really have access to all the financial details, I never agreed to any of this. I had money in savings but now that is in a joint double signatory account because I moved it into my name. Of course I could leave today but life would be very hard for me and the children. Mostly he works so I don't have to see him that much. I've seen a solicitor. He gets my assets less divorce fees which he has said he will rack up to nothing left. I can't stop him from spending every penny of his vast earnings.

Well no because at the moment thats his money. (as long as bills are met.) But as you say he has his money from the foreign account and this would have to be disclosed just like your shares in Bitcoin or whatever would also have to be disclosed. But least they are in your own name.

He's not going to declare his assets. How can he be made to? There are no investigative divorce police. He will always earn masses. I will be starting again and not in my old industry because covid has shut that down. I only need enough to pay for the immediate needs while he launches the attack. I guess it doesn't matter if I declare it in that instance I just need access to it and to show it's been spent on necessity.

Withdraw cash (cashback is a really good option too as it doesn’t show as cash on statements) and keep it somewhere safe or pass to a trusted family member to look after.
Any transfers (even small ones) from your account(s) to others may be interrogated by him and his solicitor.
Be prepared to have to provide statements of all your accounts (apart from the ones you’ve ‘forgotten’ about).
Take photos of his financial assets (items of value, savings, pensions, salary slips, etc) email them to yourself then delete photos from your phone (and deleted items). You can’t use these as evidence, but you could say “I seem to remember you having a pension with XYZ, please provide evidence of this still running or evidence of transfer elsewhere”.
Depending how much you want to spend, good family law firms have forensic accountants who can delve into his finances.
Good luck!

'Ducks in a row' is about making sure the other person can't screw you over /stitch you up isn't it 🤔
At what point does that morph into screwing them over 😶

Could you put the money on to a prepaid credit card? It would look like payments to a bill if transferred monthly, but would build up a sum you could use to pay for a deposit/bills etc in the short term.