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Original poster

How was it different with the right person?

35 replies

ADairyDe · 01/01/2021 21:03

The one thing I am struggling to find is a homely feeling. A feeling that someone gets me and I get them (for the most part).

I’ve met people but never felt comfortable with them for months on end. Sometimes I would feel comfortable but totally misunderstood. I have had a nice happy safe feeling years ago but not for a while.

How did it feel when you met the right one?

OP posts:
peachgreen · 01/01/2021 21:07

Like coming home. A physical click in my chest. Knowing that everything in my life made sense now. Never having a moment of doubt. It was perfect. I loved him wholly and completely right up until he died. I don't know if I'll ever find it again but I pray I do because it was joy beyond anything I could have imagined.

DramaAlpaca · 01/01/2021 21:12

Like putting on a comfortable pair of slippers after staggering around in too tight heels all day Grin

With DH it really was that simple. I felt so comfortable and relaxed with him, like I could just be me, no special effort needed. Luckily he felt the same. We just 'get' each other.

NotaCoolMum · 01/01/2021 21:12

He makes me feel safe. He gives me the same comfort that I have with family. He’s my go to for EVERYTHING in life- good and bad. He gets me- I get him. I respect him and adore him and I’m proud to call him “mine”. He brings out everything in me that I love.

AnImposter · 01/01/2021 21:20

Just easy. No angst, no wondering if he will show up/text/follow through with plans. Easy.

I keep telling my single friend now, she is me, holding on and making excuses for them, to just stop and let go. If it's not easy it's not for you.

bangheadhere40 · 01/01/2021 21:39

Not found mine yet...agree with it being easy though.

I'm learning if it isn't it's not worth it...the hard way

Tiddlewinks9274 · 01/01/2021 21:40

@peachgreen

Like coming home. A physical click in my chest. Knowing that everything in my life made sense now. Never having a moment of doubt. It was perfect. I loved him wholly and completely right up until he died. I don't know if I'll ever find it again but I pray I do because it was joy beyond anything I could have imagined.
This is exactly what I'm looking for OMG.all this time I thought I wanted something that was unrealistic because I question myself everyday if this is it... it can't be it. And you have just proven to me that I can love and feel and experience love. Thank you for this
ToffeeNotCoffee · 01/01/2021 21:48

I felt wanted. As a whole person. He was interested in me. As a whole person.
Everything was right. Everything worked. I felt pleased to be around him. I was welcome in his life. Still am.

Sn0tnose · 01/01/2021 22:05

It’s so bloody easy.

KingCatMeowInSpace · 02/01/2021 00:29

What a lovely thread - I love it- I wish everyone had such happy relationships

Mermaidwaves · 02/01/2021 00:37

This is so reassuring Smile despite being married before, I haven't met 'the one' yet. I've always imagined it like a feeling of coming home but I'm never sure if I'm being unrealistic. I dream of a faceless man frequently when he holds me and I feel overwhelming peace and safety which I have never known from a man. Please tell me its possible! Smile

Legoteacups · 02/01/2021 00:38

I don’t believe this is the norm.

ArabellaRockerfella · 02/01/2021 00:39

Thank you all, you are giving me hope! I was married for over 20yrs and it all went horribly wrong. He changed and made mine and the kids lives unbearable. I've been single for 2yrs now and hoping to find The One! Who compliments me and with whom life is happy. I'm hopeful I can find him.

StormcloakNord · 02/01/2021 00:43

Same as PP but more than anything for me it was very immediate. First date was nothing short of comfortable, funny & "safe".

Just went from there. Any time I'm around him it's like coming home, sort of thing.

Best way I can describe it is imagine you're in your 20s and you've had way too much to drink, it's 3am in the morning and your feet hurt, you're knackered, all you want is your bed. Being around my husband is like that moment you crawl into bed.

SometimesIWonderWhy · 02/01/2021 00:47

@ToffeeNotCoffee

I felt wanted. As a whole person. He was interested in me. As a whole person. Everything was right. Everything worked. I felt pleased to be around him. I was welcome in his life. Still am.
This
Sakura7 · 02/01/2021 00:56

I don’t believe this is the norm.

I didn't either when I was in the wrong relationship. Now I'm in a loving, healthy relationship with someone who is right for me, and the difference is night and day.

Among my friends in relationships I'd guess about half of them have found the real thing. Sadly a lot of people settle or put up with bad treatment, and don't realise that it doesn't have to be that way.

PolkadotsAndCandyfloss · 02/01/2021 00:56

So sorry you lost the one, peachgreen.

I would agree with what everyone has said about it being very easy and effortless and just feeling right with no doubts. I think if they fit in well with your closest family/friends, that’s always a good sign too.

SalemsPot22 · 02/01/2021 01:01

He’s my favourite person. I want to spend every minute of every day with him.
Everything is easy, nothing feels like hard work and there is no other person I feel more comfortable around.

Legoteacups · 02/01/2021 09:35

I don’t know anyone who feels like this IRL. Most people I know moan incessantly about their partners. Maybe one. There’s maybe one I can think of.
I like my parents and friends better than dh and in an emergency I’d go to them instead of him.

Hopingtobeamum · 02/01/2021 09:42

@AnImposter

Wise words. These resonated with me... Just stop and let go.

Thankyou. I needed this right now 👍

SalemsPot22 · 02/01/2021 09:42

That’s really sad.

Babdoc · 02/01/2021 09:45

I can confirm that Peachgreen is right. “The One” does exist. My wonderful DH was the love of my life. He undid all the damage from my abusive parents, encouraged me, cared for me, was proud of me, shared every chore, adored our two babies and taught me the meaning of love. And sadly died at 36, before our youngest child’s first birthday.
That was 29 years ago, I have never remarried and love him still.

scrivette · 02/01/2021 09:45

I didn't know that other people felt the same way as me but that's exactly why I knew DH was 'the one'.
Everything felt right, like we were meant to be together and felt like I was 'home'.

Legoteacups · 02/01/2021 10:06

I wonder if it’s not possible for everyone to feel this - regardless of partner. I don’t think I would ever feel this no matter who I was with. I’m guarded and I don’t imagine ever feeling relaxed with anyone.

ILoveShula · 02/01/2021 10:44

I had all those 'pair of slippers', 'coming home', 'completely trust him' feelings.
Didn't stop him cheating.

plumpootle · 02/01/2021 10:50

OP for me - I felt that I could be myself, completely. The good and bad bits. I also liked myself more when I was with him. I knew that whatever happened he was ultimately a kind and gentle man. That doesn't mean he is perfect, any more than I am. But his starting position is acceptance and kindness and that has got us through a lot (including the past year which has been awful, obviously)