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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband's horrible

26 replies

mummybear2918 · 01/01/2021 20:35

I really don't know where to even start. We have been married for 3years both aged 30 with 2young children 2years and 8 months old..... So to just stat firstly I do absolutely everything all the house work cooking and looking after the children. Husband works Monday -Friday until 4pm.is.off all weekend and doesn't help my babies wake around 5-6am im the one up every weekend with them while he sleeps to 12pm then comes.down and starts that certain things aren't done etc shouts at the kids constantly where my 2 year hardly likes him. He always has attitude with me... Gets worse few months ago he was drunk and I didn't want to be intimate he got cross climbed on me and put his hands around my throat . Last month we fought he started screaming for me to shut up or he will make me and I didn't he came at me push we me I pushed back and he came again grab my neck/throat pushed me. He keeps saying he's going to leave m e if we don't be intamate more. Sorry using tablet to write this... My children are seeing this and it's made eldest cry he's ripped saturated off the walls out holes in my doors etc...at my wits end but scared to leave and be alone

OP posts:
MondayYogurt · 01/01/2021 20:39

This is unacceptable behaviour and very dangerous for you and your children. Please contact Womens' Aid ASAP www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Nowthefunbegins · 01/01/2021 20:42

Sweetheart you mustn’t accept this behaviour - it’s awful and nobody deserves it. Please contact a friend, family or Women’s Aid to work out what you need to do next.

category12 · 01/01/2021 20:43

You need to leave, because him strangling/choking you can easily kill you, and you don't want to leave those kids motherless.

Please read this: www.thehotline.org/resources/the-dangers-of-strangulation/

He doesn't need to set out to kill you, he could easily do it unintentionally.

Please make plans to leave. Speak to Women's Aid. You have so much life left to live, don't stay, don't try to bring up your children in a domestic abuse environment - you all three deserve better.

Isitsixoclockalready · 01/01/2021 20:44

That sounds awful OP. The first part of your post was bad enough but the second part was beyond the pale. That is totally and utterly unacceptable behaviour from him. It's hardly necessary to say that you are not safe in this situation.

Consciousdonkey · 01/01/2021 20:45

You must get help to remove this man from your home. This type of behaviour will escalate. You are not safe, please get help. Google womens aid, they can help.

annabellacomestotea · 01/01/2021 20:46

He is violent and dangerous. You don't deserve to be treated that way.

Rockpooler · 01/01/2021 20:47

Yes - he is horrible, and sounds dangerous.

GinAndTonicOnIt · 01/01/2021 20:48

Please please find a way to get yourself and your children out ThanksThanks

FizzyDizzy121 · 01/01/2021 20:50

Think of your children and please leave ASAP

Gncq · 01/01/2021 20:50

You should be more scared of staying with him than leaving and being alone.

nimbuscloud · 01/01/2021 20:51

Call the police.

Iloveme30 · 01/01/2021 20:52

You need to get out of this situation. Being alone is irrelevant you will not be alone you will have your kids . He will only get worse as time goes on . Please please please do not let your kids grow up in this .please get the courage and leave this entitled monster . This is not a normal relationship and won't be again . Don't be scared you will be so much happier on your own . I did it you can too

Topseyt · 01/01/2021 21:00

You aren't safe with this man in the house and nor are your children. You need to protect them and yourself by leaving him.

Call Women's Aid. They can advise you here.

FippertyGibbett · 01/01/2021 21:19

If you are scared right now get yourself and your children behind a locked door and call the police.

Snowrabbit · 01/01/2021 21:23

Please leave this guy. He has a temper with you and is violent, and has a temper with the kids. How long before he might be violet with the kids. Why would you be scared to be alone? You should be scared to be with him. He will never, ever change. You are wasting your life with him. Please get rid of him before something awful happens.

Kittykat93 · 01/01/2021 21:29

Omg hes shouting at a 2 year old and an 8 month old?? Hes not just abusing you op hes abusing your poor babies.what are you going to do ?

Stiltonloving · 01/01/2021 21:33

Leave him your children will be irreversiblely damaged. You will be happier alone

EggscellentEggplant · 01/01/2021 21:35

Please leave. What if he hurts you more, or hurts the kids? Even if he doesn't physically hurt the kids its really damaging for them to be around this.
Can you go and stay with family or a friend? Please up and leave while he is at work so he can't get angry and do anythingFlowers

katy1213 · 01/01/2021 21:37

What could possibly happen if you were alone that would be more scary than staying with this vile brute of a man?

doctorhamster · 01/01/2021 21:44

A man who puts his hands around your throat is very very dangerous op. You are not safe with him. Please speak to the police or call women's aid Flowers

Lucieintheskye · 01/01/2021 21:45

OP you have some great advice above so I won't repeat it.

It can and will get better than this, and you will be okay. You need to be brave and strong for a little longer to get yourself and your children safe and stable. You can do this. There are people who can help you and they won't stop helping you until you're safe and well.

If you're not ready to ask for help yet via charities/support systems/police, get a grab bag ready (a rucksack or any type of bag) with your licence, passport, kids passports etc and a phone charger along with a change of clothes for children and some nappies/wipes. Try to hide this bag from your husband and know where it is if you need to grab it and your children and flee with little notice or planning.

If you have supportive family/friends you may wish to ask them/let them know you'll flee to them if you need to. You can speak to charities who can set up a safe place for you to go before you even live your current house, so there's no need for you to worry about being on the streets or completely alone.

And of course, if you or your children are in immediate danger, phone the police and they will arrange further support for you.

Flowers
Demitri · 01/01/2021 21:51

This is absolutely unacceptable behaviour from him and you do not need to put up with it. Call women’s aid and leave. Do you have any friends/family you can ask for help. You need to get out of there, his behaviour is very dangerous. He tried to rape you in front of your child. Please, protect yourself and protect them.

Demitri · 01/01/2021 21:58

@Lucieintheskye

OP you have some great advice above so I won't repeat it.

It can and will get better than this, and you will be okay. You need to be brave and strong for a little longer to get yourself and your children safe and stable. You can do this. There are people who can help you and they won't stop helping you until you're safe and well.

If you're not ready to ask for help yet via charities/support systems/police, get a grab bag ready (a rucksack or any type of bag) with your licence, passport, kids passports etc and a phone charger along with a change of clothes for children and some nappies/wipes. Try to hide this bag from your husband and know where it is if you need to grab it and your children and flee with little notice or planning.

If you have supportive family/friends you may wish to ask them/let them know you'll flee to them if you need to. You can speak to charities who can set up a safe place for you to go before you even live your current house, so there's no need for you to worry about being on the streets or completely alone.

And of course, if you or your children are in immediate danger, phone the police and they will arrange further support for you.

Flowers

Excellent advice. Make sure you keep all your important documents and some emergency money, hidden from him, so you can grab them in a hurry. Better still, give them to your parents or a trusted friend for safe-keeping.

When my friend was fleeing her abusive husband, she slowly started dropping her important and sentimental things off to me. All their passports, bank statements, kids red books, photos, some cash, her children’s first outfits, extra clothes etc. Anything that was of value to her as she knew she’d not be able to take everything in rush. Just a few things every time as she didn’t want him to notice things were missing. She’s very glad she did as he destroyed everything of hers that was left behind when he found out she’d gone.

Ceebs85 · 01/01/2021 22:03

Oh sweet, horrible is eating you last chocolate bar. This is way beyond that, you and your children are in danger and even if for some reason you feel you deserve to be treated in this way, your children definitely do not.

Children growing up in this environment will undoubtedly have behavioural/emotional difficulties both as children and adults.

Have you got anyone in real life you can tell?

Deathraystare · 02/01/2021 10:01

Amazing how women don't want to be intimate when their life is threatened is't it?