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Original poster

Is old really that bad?

38 replies

Givemeabreak88 · 31/12/2020 17:09

I just downloaded tinder as I’m seriously bored, I’ve been single for 4 years, not a single date in that time and OMG within 5 minutes I’ve come across two profiles one saying “I’m married, yes I said it, like it or not!” And another saying he has a partner but he has not been able to see her over lock down so hoping to meet someone else and see where it goes Confused I’ve heard old was bad but is it really that bad or should I keep trying? This has literally been after 5 minutes downloading it. Where else are you meant to meet someone if you are a single parent with no social life? Or should I keep swiping and hope for the best?

OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 31/12/2020 17:17

Sadly OP yes it really is! At least those ones are being upfront about cheating....most dont. Online dating is the most dire experience I've ever tried and I get let down time and again. But in these covid times its hard to meet anyone, I have no clue to the amswer though

Heartofstrings · 31/12/2020 17:18

I've enjoyed OLD. But then I'm one of those ones who is married!

sqirrelfriends · 31/12/2020 17:18

You will get every sort of man using old, that includes the bad ones and the good ones. No different to who you might meet in "real life".

Good luck to you, I hope you find someone lovely.

sqirrelfriends · 31/12/2020 17:19

And I know a few married couples who have met that way, it can work. Would bumble be a better platform for you than tinder?

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 31/12/2020 17:28

I know I will be flamed for this but bumble wouldn’t be for me as I don’t like that the woman has to message first ducks for cover 😱

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 31/12/2020 17:50

Yes...that's the only answer. Come on over to the dating thread.

GaraMedouar · 31/12/2020 18:04

Same men are on tinder and bumble I’ve found. I haven’t dated for four years since ex partner left. I downloaded the apps around 6 months ago . The odd message but no meet ups as it’s difficult at the mo due to lockdown (but not seen anyone I want to meet up with either).

I feel disheartened but maybe be better in 2021. I do know some couples who met on tinder and are happy so it is possible , but I’ve been told you really have to toughen up.

Yogapoga123 · 31/12/2020 18:12

Old can be very disheartening and there are just some awful men out there BUT it can work, you just have to be absolutely clear on what you want, who you want to meet and basically take no shit. None. Be ruthless when it comes to screening and listen to your gut. At the first sign of any fuckery or stuff that feels uncomfortable, get rid. Online dating is no different to meeting a queue of blokes lined up in a pub / supermarket/wherever... you wouldn’t take just anyone, you’d be very carefully sifting through and OLD is no different.

Teedeepie · 31/12/2020 18:27

OLD can be a nightmare and it can also work. A bit like everything in life.

You need firm boundaries, thick skin and a sense of humour. Be prepared for the arseholes, chancers, weirdos, plain rude (and sadly dick pics)!!!! But now and again you come across a genuinely nice person,

I was very optimistic at first, but as the months went on I found it more of a bootcamp that taught me more about myself and what I wanted and to accept and embrace my own boundaries.

In the end i felt like if it happened that would be nice but I had no faith that I would ever meet someone and that’s when it happened. A normal, nice bloke, who took over a week to message me (I am also a little old fashioned too) as he didn’t bother to check Tinder regularly as he has also given up.

From my experience all the sites are the same sadly!!!!

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 31/12/2020 18:40

@Givemeabreak88

I know I will be flamed for this but bumble wouldn’t be for me as I don’t like that the woman has to message first ducks for cover 😱
I'm not sure why you think you'll be flamed for that, what do you think women are like?

Anyway, I've always had the impression that the appeal of Bumble isn't "women do the pursuing" but "women don't get a zillion messages from profiles that are empty, full of pictures of drugged tigers or have lines like "I'm married, like it or not". You can decide if you like the profile before there's any contact at all.

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 31/12/2020 18:43

I know some people insist women should be making the first move now it’s 2020 and not waiting for the man 😬 but I do prefer men taking the lead

OP posts:
GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 31/12/2020 18:59

@Givemeabreak88

I know some people insist women should be making the first move now it’s 2020 and not waiting for the man 😬 but I do prefer men taking the lead
A lot of women do. You don't need to run for cover because women are so aggressive and closed minded. Sorry (not sorry), this reminds me of the kind of man who enters a feminine space and starts acting like he's in some kind of lions' den ("Bloke here, I come in peace!" sort of stuff). It's annoying and entirely without foundation.

Like I said, Bumble was conceived to stop you from getting inundated with messages from men with awful profiles who may get shitty if you don't respond. Don't use it if it's not for you, but it sounds as though the men don't discriminate Confused

Bleepers · 31/12/2020 19:13

You get absolute nutters on OLD but also great people. I met my husband online so I'm biased 🥰

Sexnotgender · 31/12/2020 19:41

It’s a field of shite with very rare gems. I met my husband OLD and he’s amazing.

LostThreads · 31/12/2020 19:59

@Givemeabreak88

I know I will be flamed for this but bumble wouldn’t be for me as I don’t like that the woman has to message first ducks for cover 😱
@Givemeabreak88 when you’ve received a fair few messages on tinder, I can assure you that you will come to love the ‘women message only’ feature on bumble.
Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 31/12/2020 20:04

I’ve never been the type to approach a man first or ask one out that’s just not me I bet they are all on the same sites anyway

OP posts:
DrizzleandDamp · 31/12/2020 20:08

@Heartofstrings you so need to expand on that!

OP yes it is. I’m sure it can work, and I had lots of fun from it and a couple of lasting friends. But looking for something long term and love isn’t to be found there I don’t think!

Do it if you’re bored but have a thick skin, a good wanker/dangerous radar and never get your hopes up!

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 31/12/2020 20:11

@Givemeabreak88

I’ve never been the type to approach a man first or ask one out that’s just not me I bet they are all on the same sites anyway
Bumble was created precisely because the norm and expectation was that men message first. Most women (and men) are like you in that regard. That's what the Bumble USP is based on. And it's not about approaching men first, it's about blocking the ones whose profiles make it clear they're awful before they can approach you. Besides, messaging first doesn't mean asking out first. It just means opening the initial conversation. You can still hold out to be asked out.

Don't use it if you don't want to, but at least see what it's doing.

Mor12 · 31/12/2020 20:12

Yes it’s shite. Don’t bother!

coffeeandjuice · 01/01/2021 09:17

OLD is so tedious. But it's a means to an end. A tip is not to waste too much time on the messaging, you only know what someone is like in person.
Also, only ever meet for coffee or say you have an appointment about an hour or so after the first date so you've also got your escape route planned. (There's nothing worse than realising two hours have gone and all you've heard about is how awful your date's ex is and how his job is completely dead end.)
Line up two or three dates in a week.
Expect many crappy dates and that there will be some dates that are fine but there's no spark.
I think I did something like 60 online dates before meeting Mr Right. That was five years ago and we're now married with three kids.

Heartofstrings · 01/01/2021 09:46

@DrizzleandDamp you're curious.
I have an open relationship with my husband. I've been on several walks with a couple of guys. It's been nice. One guy I hope to start seeing properly but he lives half an hour away and t4 kind of stops our walks

SirChing · 01/01/2021 09:56

Yep OLD is dire. I met loads of frogs, blocked even more perverts, gave the brush off to do many married men BUT by sticking with it, and messaging a man who looked to have similar interests to me, I met my now fiance.

Loads of the nice men don't want to make the first move because they know that the sleazes do, so you often will just get sleazes approach you.

I just sent DF a message saying "Hi" and that I liked his holiday photos because I had been there too. That was it. He is now laying next to me.

Good luck Flowers

SeeYouInAnotherLife · 01/01/2021 10:23

You may not like the idea of Bumble now OP but you may begin to see its appeal once you’re dealing with with an inbox full of lazy (‘hey’) and sleazy (‘hey sexy, up for some fun?’) messages daily. At least Bumble gets rid of all that.

But I met my lovely BF on there so perhaps I’m biased!

Jjjjjj1981 · 01/01/2021 10:39

That warmed my heart @SirChing , how lovely.
To anyone who’s interested I’d recommend looking at Female Dating Strategy on Reddit, some of it completely ignore, but the handbook has some excellent advice on red flags, acceptable behaviour and standards when online dating.

Windmillwhirl · 01/01/2021 10:49

I met a wonderful man online so I am not going to say it's all bad. Take it with a pinch of salt and don't engage with people if they are not what you are looking for (eg. in my case, trying/wanting to sext, men with young children, men that moan about exes). I did not go on many dates and that was fine as I cut out a lot of BS. I dipped in and out and it worked for me. At least so far.