Partner frustrated with me

[mellowyellow6]

My partner is very particular about how he likes things at home so whilst I think I'm fairly tidy and clean, it can be hard living with him feeling a bit parented and remembering everything (I now open the bathroom window after every shower even in mid winter to prevent damp). Last night as I was going to sleep exhausted he came into the bedroom unhappy with me lecturing as I hadn't remembered yet again to hang out the bath mat to dry after getting out of the bath. It was only very slightly damp and I don't think needed to hang against the bath as I'm not sure it would dry any quicker there than on the floor and as I say it was only minimally damp from where I stood on it very briefly. I feel I'm constantly being 'got at' by him but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable to think it's ok to just leave the bath mat on the floor and whether I should be hanging it up after every use. What do others do please? Thanks

I hang the Bath mat up after every use as I don't think it dries so well. That being said I don't think I would wake my DH to tell him he hasn't done this, I would just pick it up and do it myself. I also open the bathroom window even when it is very cold to stop it getting steamy. Are there the only issues with your DH or is he like that with you with other things?

He sounds controlling and difficult to live with

Don’t put up with this shit

What do others do please?

Well I don’t lecture an exhausted partner about bath mats.

Or nitpick things he does differently. I have been known to quietly fume a bit about rubbish being sorted into the wrong bins but I have no doubt that he despairs of a few of my shortcomings too. We calmly discuss the stuff that really matters and accept that no one is perfect.

I was ready to come on here and tell you that your partner is wrong.
But, I'm not sure you're as domestically minded as you think. We also open the bathroom window after every shower as we did get damp through not doing this as our extractor fan broke.
The bath mat should be hung after every shower really (I forget) but I definitely see where your partner is coming from.
If he's aggressive about it, that's a whole different story.
Perhaps he's frustrated that he's spoken to you about this and you're still doing it?

Control freak It won't get any better. Do you want to spend the next 40/50 years being nitpicked and berrated?

Is it his place or is it a shared place? I’m asking because you might prefer not to hang the bath mat up - it doesn’t mean everything has to be his way. We don’t open the window after a shower as our windows have little vents at the top and work absolutely fine. We have never had damp in either of the bathrooms.

Are there things in the house that you like to be a certain way?

Thanks all. Happy to be told I need to improve myself, have just lost a little bit of perspective as I'm constantly feeling hot at. It's a jointly owned place bought together. I guess there are things I would like a certain way but I'm much more relaxed than him and believe in picking my battles so would tend to leave things as our relationship is strained already and we have a toddler so things are never going to be spotless anyway.

I like my house to be clean and tidy but there's no way I'd tackle a bloody bath mat when he was exhausted and going to sleep. That's just ridiculous!

For God's sake, it's your place as much as his. Of course it's not being reasonable to lecture your partner in something as trivial as this when you have a toddler to bring up. You need to VERY firmly stand up for your rights. You should have done already or this will be become the norm and he'll thing he's the boss of you. Even worse you'll think he's the boss of you. It's just not right.

He was being ridiculous i think. Is he like this with everything?

He sounds ghastly and controlling.

Having said that, if my DH left a wet bath mat on the floor, or didn't open a window after a shower for some ventilation I would be asking if he could in future. We do both those things, always have.

You could have been talking about me when describing your husband.

I can't stand it when he is scruffy and doesn't tidy behind himself, so do have to remind him to be a little more considerate and house proud.
How hard is it to hang up the towels and bathmat, open the window to avoid damp, which causes the paint to peel and leaves a foisty smell if it builds up, make the bed in morning, use a coaster, put the plates in dishwasher after dinner etc.
As I feel your partners pain of living with a scruffy beggar I'm on his side and vote YABU.

Has he always been like this or has it got worse? I think berating your partner isn't going to achieve anything and no doubt you feel if you walk on eggshells.

I can't believe some people would consider leaving a relationship with children over a bath mat. What has happened to tolerance? No two people have the same habits and I am sure each partner must compromise.

I like a tidy home but it is supposed to be a home and therefore can't be run on land person's rules. A slightly damp may really isn't a big deal so he could have had choices in how he handled it.

He woke you up to berate you over a bath mat? Reminds me of a bf I had, we were staying at his mums and I got up to go to the loo. I left my book on the coffee table and he raced after me to tell me to tidy up after myself and gave me a lecture. Split up not long after.

Nah. If he had come in to me all huffy about a fucking bath mat I'd have shoved it straight up his arse.

What would I do? I'd ask if he would like a divorce.

I'm sure you have lots of things that you would like to be done differently, maybe helping you more.
Men tend to think childcare is a breeze and his pointing minor things out to you is helping you.

No, I should imagine if you got everthing 'right' he would find something new to moan at.
Is he a boss in in worklife.

Sounds like a control freak and you wouldn't have posted unless you found the situation unfair in other ways.

The problem with his behaviour is that it assumes the right to tell you what to do - you’re an adult not a naughty child. You jointly own the house. If it’s his preference to do things a certain way, crack on, unless one or the other of you was doing something that seriously impacted on the sensibilities of the other. For me? Bloody bath mat would go in the bin and I’d get an extractor fan. Let your chap moan about that.

What other things are you doing/ not doing that he is berating you about ?

I don’t do either of those things. Haven’t you got a fan that switches on when you shower? Wet bath mat? 🤷‍♀️ Who cares! It’s like reading about a different way of life to me. If my partner came after me about those things I’d laugh in his face. Not happening.

Okay everuone - he didn’t wake her up to tell her off. ‘As she was going to sleep’ he came in and expressed his annoyance.

Tbf I would be annoyed too if a partner wasn’t noticing small things around the house like that - leaving crumbs, not ventilating the bathroom after each use, not replacing bins with new bin bags after taking bins out.
I know some of these things ok to miss sometimes, but occasionally it would annoy me. Why do I have to do them all the time?
I’m sure I do some things sometimes too and my DP points it out and I gladly take it on board.
We have a stunning house and I love it. Everything is always clean and smells fresh and looks beautiful. I love coming home (even after staying at 5* hotels).

He sounds dramatic, you should have it out with him, then tell him to leave

Someone saying they don’t dry bath mat after every use - yuk. I bet it smells a bit.

We open the bathroom window after a shower or bath all the time. I also like to hang the bath mat each morning and if my partner forgets to do either I do it. Its not a bog deal for me. I wouldn't even mention that they had forgotten let alone wake an exhausted person to tell them.

Sorry OP but he does sound difficult to live with. I wonder if you explained to him how this makes you feel. He sounds like he has a little OCD and wonder what the underlying issue is here

My ex was like this, I never lived with him thank goodness but he'd check I'd opened the window BEFORE I'd switched the shower on, yes open window in mid winter even though there was an extractor fan. The. He'd come and take the shower head down before I switched it on as that's how he did it so he didn't get a wet arm. Personally I don't care if I get a wet naked arm before I get in the shower. He'd also comment on how I washed/stacked dishes and peeled potatoes to the point I just stopped doing it. It was among the reasons why I decided to end it as I didn't think we'd be compatible long term. Personally I lift my bath mat because it keeps it clean longer but I don't expect other adults to do exactly as I do and he shouldn't either.