Partner frustrated with me

[mellowyellow6]

My partner is very particular about how he likes things at home so whilst I think I'm fairly tidy and clean, it can be hard living with him feeling a bit parented and remembering everything (I now open the bathroom window after every shower even in mid winter to prevent damp). Last night as I was going to sleep exhausted he came into the bedroom unhappy with me lecturing as I hadn't remembered yet again to hang out the bath mat to dry after getting out of the bath. It was only very slightly damp and I don't think needed to hang against the bath as I'm not sure it would dry any quicker there than on the floor and as I say it was only minimally damp from where I stood on it very briefly. I feel I'm constantly being 'got at' by him but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable to think it's ok to just leave the bath mat on the floor and whether I should be hanging it up after every use. What do others do please? Thanks

Who made him the boss???

The thing is there’s ways of mentioning things that don’t end up with someone feeling “got at”. You need to talk, tell him how you feel. Also he needs to properly listen to how tired you are. With a toddler in the house you need to work as a team otherwise resentments set it and inequalities.
Oh and I don’t need to open our bathroom window in winter but I have had to in some houses. Re -hanging the bath mat, I do if it is properly damp from kids but not from me usually. However, maybe I washing machines mine more frequently than other people...at the end of the day it’s what works for your family and that includes negotiation and compromise too.

No advice only sympathy. My DW tells me off for a lot of similar things. The way I roll the toothpaste is one that stands out. I've just been lectured because the dustpan and brush was put away with a bit of dirt in the brush.

I think you need to be fair and honest. If you think it's unfair, raise it calmly as an issue.

@Veronika13 you sound like a barrel of laughs.

@mellowyellow6 he sounds like a controlling little whingebag. If my husband started on at me about bath mats hanging up I'd get it extra soggy and throw it at him. Also never in my life opened a window after a shower unless its summer and I'm too hot, didn't know that was a thing. I dont think I would be carrying on in this relationship as he doesnt sound pleasant to live with at all.

Sounds to be like his asking you to do normal things, however if I didn’t do it as a one off and he saw I would expect him to do it himself for me without mentioning it. If he was doing it often though I would expect him to then say something, maybe by the 2nd or 3rd time.

I have a DP like this. It's why he's not going to be a DP for much longer. The latest was that I forgot to put some items back in the fridge. Probably the first time in about ten years. Did he just shrug and do it himself (as I would and have done when he has done this)? No - he came to find me to remind me to do it

He’s a controlling bully

Thanks all. He is definitely quite controlling. Sometimes I convince myself it is ok, I need to improve on certain things (which I can always do) and I can live with it but then other times I feel I really need to get out of the relationship, but I don't know where to start with ending it as we are married, own a house and have a child. And whilst some people know we have had problems in the past, I can't bring myself to talk to anyone about it as it would definitely be the nail in the coffin with people thinking badly of him.
We were due to go out for a walk earlier but he suddenly became grumpy and cross that I hadn't put our child's gloves on yet (I had planned to, he thinks it's better to do it first under the snowsuit) and when I tried to go upstairs with our child to escape the ranting having told him I didn't want to go out with him anymore, he tried to grab me on the stairs to make me listen to him and I nearly slipped with our child which he denies. He says he wouldn't have let me fall and just wanted to stop me going off but I know deep down he shouldn't do that. It's so hard as sometimes things are good and I don't want my child to grow up without both parents living together if I can help it, and to have to have joint custody as that would break me, but I don't want this either. I wouldn't even know where to start with divorce etc.

and when I tried to go upstairs with our child to escape the ranting having told him I didn't want to go out with him anymore, he tried to grab me on the stairs to make me listen to him and I nearly slipped with our child which he denies. He says he wouldn't have let me fall and just wanted to stop me going off but I know deep down he shouldn't do that

That’s a whole different kettle of fish - he should no better than to grab you on the stairs, or anywhere.

You really need to think carefully about staying in this relationship - if you choose to, then things need to change, he needs to change.

He won’t change
He’s already controlling and now he’s escalating to be physically aggressive towards you. It will only get worse if you stay

Thank you. Does anyone know of any organisations where it's possible to talk to someone, get some free advice about potentially ending things etc. I feel so overwhelmed by it all and where to start.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

Women’s aid can help you

Stop worrying bout what people think of him.
He is con trolling
Incident on stairs is v dangerous
All abusers and bullies are nice sometimes
Does not make it ok
Get unformed on your financial siatuation if you divorce
Kerp recording incidents

Thank you everyone. It feels so hard when there's still love there and I am potentially choosing to break up a home and family, it makes me doubt everything. I have done it for far too long and been weak.

Thanks @Embracelife. I guess part of it is that once I tell people there is no going back and that scares me.

Telling people how bad the situation is doesn't lock you into anything, but it does give you an outlet and get you support. Do it.

He is choosing by his behaviour
But better apart and happy and calm than holding to an illusion

You can do it
Be strong

@mellowyellow6 this thread has been playing on my mind since I posted originally so I've just read your latest updates and I take back my previous post.

The post you wrote about the gloves is worrying. That is extremely controlling and obsessive. What is even more worrying is that if he thinks you're not listening he grabs you.

If he is so bothered, why doesn't HE put the gloves on him?

I'd like to know what other things he's so pedantic over?