To form a pact with first love?

[Changeandallthat]

NC for this. Ex wants us to form a pact. He's now single after a messy divorce and I'm happily married but still love ex. We were together over 20 years ago and together nearly ten years and both been long term with my DH and his ex wife for 20 years.

The pact is if we both end up sngle at the same time we get back together. What do you think?

Is it cheating? We chat online platonically. I have told him I will never cheat on dh. He respects this.

He’s an ex for a reason. You’ve already given him ten years, do you want to waste any more time discovering he hasn’t changed. He just can’t be bothered to go through the whole new relationship thing and instead wants to go straight into settled relationship. It’s obviously dawned on him that all relationships need work and your continuing attention means he doesn’t have to make any effort.

Yuck, what a creep your ex husband is! He's pretending to woo you with all this first love bollocks, when all he really wants is a shag with a familiar body.

If you genuinely love your husband, then cut this other man out of your life now. If you want to be with the ex instead, have the courtesy of ending your marriage first.

But don't expect unicorns and rainbows and endless sunsets...

How would you feel if your DH made such a pact while married to you?

Your poor husband! Would you be happy if you found out your husband was chatting to his ex, said he still loved them and then making that pact with them?! I don't think you should be with your husband - spare his feelings, it sounds like you've already checked out of your marriage

You sound an unpleasant person, as does your ex.

You were made for each other!

Surely this isn't for real??

Happily married and still in love with your ex are oxymorons.

Do your husband a favour, make yourself single and get back with your ex, you both deserve each other

I’ve seen some weird ideas on MN but this one takes the .

I think if you were committed and secure in your marriage (and yourself) you would not entertain this man. I think what you're doing is quite disrespectful actually.

Pretty sure there are many Year 7s with better powers of reasoning than this.

Charles and Camilla Mark II?

Why do you need the strange contents of both your heads validated by a bunch of randoms on the internet?

If I found out my DP had a pact like this with his ex, he’d be single and free to pursue the end goal sooner rather than later. Very disrespectful

This is just awful! Vile

Its a pretty weird way to way to think for susposly happily married person..

Op youre not coming across well on this thread.

To people saying this ex is testing the water, let's be honest - it's not exactly subtle is it and OP knows exactly what is going on so her odd faux naivety really grates.

He's already tested the water, dipped his toes in and been told the water is lovely but he can't dive in just yet.

OP, you're being a dick to your husband. Disloyal and disrespectful.

If you don't know that then you shouldn't be married to him anyway.

What nonsense.

Your poor DH. Does he know you are in contact with your ex?

How do you think your DH would feel if he knew about your pact with your ex?

How would you feel if you found out your DH had made the same pact with his ex?

How can you be happily married to your DH, but still in love with your ex?! ...read that back to yourself a few times!

Ask your husband, see what he thinks.....

😂😂

Come on OP behave yourself.

You sound like an immature teenager.

So I assume you'd be perfectly happy for your husband to do what you're now doing to him behind his back?

I'd be absolutely devastated if my DP did this behind my back. The fact you even have to ask says a lot.

I'm glad I'm not married to ya.

Poor husband.

Don't be daft, OP. Have some resilience and know that if your marriage doesn't work, you can manage single, like thousands of other adult women do. Why do you need a spare man just in case?

Would you tell your husband about this? If not, why not? possibly because it is emotional affair territory?

Ex is not interested in a silly pact. He is sounding you out for an affair/ shag. There's nothing romantic, exciting, special or playful about that.

When I was 15, I made a pact with a mate that if we were both single at 40 we would get married. That is the appropriate age for such a silly pact!

This is inappropriate at best. If I found out my DH still loved his ex and agreed to marry her if I was out of the picture you can bet I would be out of the picture pretty damn fast!

Your ex is either being stupid and immature, or actively trying to break you up. If you want to save your marriage I suggest you block the ex immediately.

Well this is an emotional affair isn't it?

Your poor husband. Very disrespectful.

You're not happily married.