I really dislike my husband

[Goodbye2020123]

I now know what it feels like to be married to someone you just can't stand. I used to think marriages like this didn't exist, I couldn't imagine marrying someone and one day be sick of the sight of them. But I am living it now.

My husband is just awful. It's got to the point where I feel constantly on edge in my own home - we are both always here due to covid and working from home. I can't cook anything without him standing there watching in case I 'make a mess' and if I do anything in the house and there is a strange noise - for example, something falls off the dressing table, he comes running in and demanding what that was and if I have made a mess. I can't clean because he thinks I will be doing it wrong and starts shouting at me. I can't bake because he doesn't want me to use the clean trays, bowls, spoons etc etc. Every time I have a shower he does an 'inspection ( yes he calls it that) of the bathroom to make sure there is no water on the floor. It is actually a nightmare.

I have asked him to please just leave me alone, and treat me like a housemate - give me space and only talk to me if you have to. But he won't do that, he's constantly harassing me.

He embarrasses me in front of people - a few weeks ago we saw a relative of mine, and he kept telling this relative about all the things I do wrong, and that I try and control him and does relative think that's ok (he thinks I am controlling him because he wanted to go and see a friend in a tier 3 high cases area and I said I am very uncomfortable with that and it's against the law)

I am trapped in a 5 year fixed mortgage, and I don't have anywhere else to go right now. I can't just move and rent - my job situation is very very unstable due to covid. He says if I want to sell the house he will do nothing to cooperate. So I don't know where to start.

I also have no friends to talk to, and no family I feel comfortable speaking with about this.

How did I end up in this situation?

@Aquamarine1029

You need to call Women's Aid and a solicitor immediately, and if he touches you again, call the police. You can get out of this nightmare, you just need to make it happen

This^. With no kids involved you can get out of this situation. Maybe even get him sectioned and get him some help too.

Ffs! Ltb

You get one life!
You don't know how many good healthy years you get. LEAVE!!

Hi Op
Don't worry about the house situation.

Cook food in your house
Tel the police
When he tries his antics Again,and obviously tel them he has history of doing this,you think he needs to be sectioned cause of x y z reasons.

He your husband needs to be sectioned find out about how to instigate this.!

Get a Divorce !

Oh God, I had an ex like this! He would do the thing about noises and insist that I moved around the house more quietly - I am not noisy! He even checked how I brushed my own teeth, before declaring "At least you are doing it correctly."

Sorry, I meant to continue. I left him. We had only been married a few months (together 5 years). He was abusive physically as well. I think you ought to see a solicitor.

He has held me down and restrained me in the past to stop me doing things , and pushed and poked me if I try and ignore the shouting.

You need to call the police, as this is assault. It might be the only way to get him out.

He sounds dangerous. Could you speak to a solicitor...and get some boundaries in writing in terms of what he can/cannot do.

He has mental health issues and you can't carry on living like this.

He has serious mental health issues. Your sanity is not worth less than his. You need to confide in a family member or friend and get out. Please please do this OP. X

Leave, and sow cress seeds on the carpet as you go

Only (half) joking

But seriously, leave ASAP. He’s sounding like he has only a tenuous grip on reality, and it wouldn’t take much for him to hurt you, even if only accidentally.

Speak to Woman's Aid he has the potential to really hurt you if he realises you are serious about leaving.

I just remembered and chuckled to myself: when I left previously mentioned abusive husband, he said he wanted to be the one to divorce me. I said fine. And he stated that it would be for my unreasonable behaviour "being mental" - from him it was laughable. I told him that he can if he likes, but that I understood that he would need for me to be evaluated by a psychologist at his expense. That put him off.

Even without him restraining you, this is abuse. You need to get out. The court will help you work out the financials.

I understand if you don’t want to grab your things and head to a domestic violence shelter right this minute, but you need to start formulating an exit strategy and it needs to be a secret from him.

This is more than a bad marriage.
He is a pathetic bully and the restraint is physical abuse.
Find your anger ( I would be telling him to fuck right off and if he lays a hand on you again he will be in a police station faster than he can think)

Fuck the 5 year mortgage - give him a forced choice. Either you Move out and get a lodger in to cover your half until the 5 years is up or both move out and rent it out.

Life is too short for this shit.

Call women’s aid.

Don’t antagonise him he sounds very ready to be incredibly violent.

It sounds like he has used you to get a house.

Call women’s aid and ask for help to go about getting divorced from him and sell the property.

Stay safe, don’t let on you are taking steps to get divorced as he may well up the physical violence.

You have no kids! You can get out easily!! You can do it. Book an appointment with a solicitor and see what your options are.

Your husband has OCPD:

www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/327158

I actually think you're in a dangerous situation, and I dread to think what will happen if you don't get away from him soon. Please speak to and IDVA(Independent Domestic Violence Advisor) at your local police station, they will help and point you in the right direction this is no way to live.

Also one thing that really helped me untangle emotionally was women's aid referred to him as a perpetrator not husband. Start calling him the perpetrator of your abuse (in your head) rather than husband. I also sold a house whilst in a 5 year deal. It's worth it to get your life back

Your husband has OCPD

Perhaps he does, but that does not excuse him being abusive.

My husband is a very similar.
Anytime i cook he inspects everything so I won’t make mess.
If something gets dropped or broken he screams it’s my fault .
After I have shower he goes in rotors check if I dried the shower properly.
When I empty the water in a sink in the kitchen, he goes and runs water just in case I left some bubbles in.
It’s hit into point that I won’t let him to do anything in the kitchen, as the kitchen cupboards are very small and stuff sometimes falls out if not handed properly and he just throws it on me, screaming that I’m messy and he can’t stand it.p, running off
It’s life on very fragile eggshells nonstop.
His dad is the exactly same.

God you poor thing, that sounds awful! I hope you can find a way out!

Some people should live alone, and the OP's husband (as with some of the other examples given) is a case in point. What a nightmare. I really couldn't live like that. I hope you leave him in the near future. He's ruining your life.

Get out of there. Mortgage can can sorted.hes a controlling dick@x

Can you move a friend or relative in short term? You’re being abused and the Covid rules are flexible in respect of domestic violence. This would give you support and a witness.

It sounds like a nightmare. You need to get out of the situation but please be very careful. If he uses physical force don't hesitate to ring 999.