Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Christmas gift from DP

38 replies

Paris14eme · 27/12/2020 17:24

Been seeing DP for well over a year now. We both have DC, not living together but it’s going well: he’s kind, considerate, a gentleman, good in bed etc. etc. Shared interests, the lot. However, he gave me a giant teddy bear for Christmas. I’m not annoyed or delighted, just a bit “meh” about it. For the record, I’m not a materialistic person in any way (and my kids love this gift) but AIBU to expect something a bit more thoughtful and/or personal? I don’t hate it, but I I put a lot more thought into his Christmas gift(s). I wasn’t rude either- I said a genuine “thank you”! But in hindsight, I thought he’d give me something a bit more personalised : for info I’m 49, he’s around the same age. I did suggest he buy me my favourite perfume (which he knows) or a lingerie set (not massively expensive, like he gave me last year) to point him in the right direction.....Thoughts?!

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 27/12/2020 17:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

cansu · 27/12/2020 17:30

That is very odd and in no way a gift for an adult woman. I would assume he didn't have time or forgot or whatever but that is seriously odd.

thirstyformore · 27/12/2020 17:33

I'd be very Hmm. Talk to him. When I first met my lovely DH he was horrendous at time keeping. Very early on I explained that it was a deal breaker for me. He genuinely didn't realise it was such an issue for me, but after we talked he made an effort.

So glad I talked to him rather than silently got more and more pissed off.

Onekidnoclue · 27/12/2020 17:37

I think that’s a shit gift and you were polite. What did he do for your birthday? How is he about gifts for friends and family?

RickJames · 27/12/2020 17:39

Wedge the giant bear between you in the bed. Turn over, sleep peacefully. Do this every night until he gets the message and buys you an appropriate gift.

DBML · 27/12/2020 17:42

The last time DH bought me a teddy, I was 16 and so was he.

Opentooffers · 27/12/2020 17:43

Lol, that's quite poor as a present. I'd have to ask what he was thinking ?Confused

LumpyPillow · 27/12/2020 17:46

He had suggestions to go from and got you a giant Teddy? Perfume and lingerie are as far away from giant teddies as anything I could think of... its a present a child would love.

If he REALLY wanted to please you and make you happy would he get you a giant Teddy do you think? Or has he put his own desire to be spontaneous or use his own ideas before your happiness. Is he thoughtful in other ways?

Some grown adults have to be told the concept of gift buying and that you don't buy people what you like, its being very thoughtful about what the recipient likes.

BigFatLiar · 27/12/2020 17:49

Perhaps it was just the wrong sort of teddy?Grin

slidingdrawers · 27/12/2020 17:51

RickJames loving your advice.

ElfieElfington · 27/12/2020 17:51

I would have been very unimpressed and my face would have made that very clear.

Women aren't hard to buy for, on the whole, most of us have a favourite perfume or skincare brand. I'd be happy with a really nice pair of pyjamas (in the right size) and a tube of my favourite hand cream, anything that shows they've given it a bit of thought and made some effort.

A Teddy would be a yellow card offence for me, piss poor effort.

GameSetMatch · 27/12/2020 17:52

It’s a bit weird, was that the only gift you got or was is one of a few?

Fidgety31 · 27/12/2020 17:54

Maybe he didn’t know what to get you and just gave u one of the kids of teddies ?!

I only got a bunch of flowers but that’s better than a teddy !

Topseyt · 27/12/2020 17:54

I'd quite like that, but maybe that is just me. I'd hate lingerie (want to choose my own) and perfume etc. as I never wear it. You do though, so maybe you weren't forthright enough about what you wanted? Or did he not listen?

I'm 54. I got a teddy bear this year from my DD3, who is 18 now and a uni student. Not a huge teddy, just a nice size and wearing a scarf in the colours of her uni. I love it.

guffaux · 27/12/2020 17:55

Confused strange gift...is there a little something attached to the bear? some jewellery on a ribbon or something?

Chamomileteaplease · 27/12/2020 17:56

The only bit of your post I don't get is when you said "I don't hate it" Grin.

Most women would hate it and that is aside from the complete lack of thought.

Definitely time for a chat after Christmas! And a trip to the charity shop.

ThisTooShallBe · 27/12/2020 17:56

Did he buy it from a motorway service station on the way to your house?

Original poster
Paris14eme · 27/12/2020 18:04

Thanks for the replies so far. Very helpful. Tbh he does take what I say on board generally- and he was widowered (is that a word?) very suddenly 6 years ago. So it’s possible that he’s just shit with presents (he gave me tennis shoes for my birthday last year, we both play well-when he asked me my shoe size.... I was thinking sexy stilettos 😬!) or he may be a bit out of practice. I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt for now, have a chat with him (he’s a lone parent obviously, busy with work until just before Christmas and I think he left it a bit last minute) and tell him that I would like him to put more personalised effort and thought into my 50th birthday present (birthday in 6 weeks). Whaddyathink? He’s a really lovely guy but a bit clueless perhaps.... Help! 😆

OP posts:
TheCanyon · 27/12/2020 18:06

A giant teddy? That is so funny, have you said to him you miss someone to hug in bed? My dh got me some nasty big swarovski earrings, he didn't know what swarovski was Grin have given them to dd10, much more her kind of thing.

TheCanyon · 27/12/2020 18:10

Tennis shoes? Oh my, he's a keeper surely?!

yvanka · 27/12/2020 18:11

DP and I don't do presents.

Some people (not necessarily men) just aren't good at it, and I have learned that it is just one of the few ways that he is genuinely hopeless and isn't a measure of how much he loves me!

If he shows you that he understands/loves you in his own way, I don't think this is a big deal Smile

MollysMummy2010 · 27/12/2020 18:21

Is this a reverse and you are David platt from Corrie? I got a ninja airfrier that I neither want nor need so I feel your pain.

Ideasplease322 · 27/12/2020 18:37

Tennis shoes are absolutely fine - particularly as you play.

But a giant teddie? Does he think you are an overgrown child? Very odd.

LookMoreCloselier · 27/12/2020 18:47

I'd just put it in your kids room and forget about it. Some people aren't good at presents, I suppose its indicative of them not being very thoughtful but if that's his only downside then just take matters into your own hands and ask him for something specific that you would like for your 50th so you aren't disappointed and aren't testing him with what surprise he comes up with next. 😆

Original poster
Paris14eme · 27/12/2020 18:50

@LookMoreCloselier yes, that’s what I was thinking. I’ll talk to him and tell him directly what I’d like for my 50th so nothing is left to chance. He’s got a good heart -but is clearly not good at presents....

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread