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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

A worthless life

42 replies

WhyBotherJustWhy · 24/12/2020 21:59

My life could have come straight out of one of those sad novels.

I had a dreadful childhood, spent some of it in family kinship. Both my parents beat me up. They never celebrated my birthday but celebrated that of my sibling. I’m ugly.

I did OK at school but maybe with the right support I could have done better. I dropped out of my first career choice. I tried again.

I married. I’m now with a man who abuses me emotionally and financially. He has his own MH issues.

I had 2 kids, and I cannot offer them anything in life. I have nothing that I can give.

It’s hard looking at people who try less hard and who get more. Things may have been different if I was born in another family, if I had been pretty or smart.

My life is a total waste.

How are people like meant to carry on? I’ve had hope after hope squashed in life.

OP posts:
carlywurly · 24/12/2020 22:36

You're your children's mum. The only one they have. So very important.

I'm so sorry life has been so tough for you this far. You've survived lots of difficult things. You're clearly smart and resilient.

Removing yourself from the abusive relationship you're in could perhaps be your goal for 2021. You will get lots of support here along the way if you want it.

Thanks for you.

Honeyroar · 24/12/2020 22:39

You sound like you’ve had some really tough times. There’s one thing that you can do for your children- take them away from a life where their mother is abused, make a new start. I know it wouldn’t be easy, but it would be an improvement for you all and a massive achievement for you..

VoleClock · 24/12/2020 22:39

I am sorry you are feeling like this. It sounds to me like your family and now your husband push you down instead of trying to build you up but underneath there is someone with talents and worth. You had two children - that may not be unusual but it is still an amazing thing to do when you stop and really think about it.
Can you arrange some counselling or contact womens aid to help you make some changes to your situation and build up your self esteem?

Want2beme · 24/12/2020 22:41

Is there anyone close to you that you trust and can talk to about your life? You've experienced so much hurt. You can contact Women's Aid in your area www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
Flowers

Schmoozer · 24/12/2020 22:45

You are amazing
You won’t see that
But your story tells us that you are
People have treated you badly and that shows us their worthlessness not yours !
You will have inner strength and resilience many have not had to develop
Please look forward to getting help and support
X

YogaMommyyyyy · 24/12/2020 22:59

I’m so sorry you are feeling low. What strikes me about your post is that you have overcome so much, you are stronger than you know. Your children love you and need you.
Please use Womens Aid to help you take your next steps Flowers

RickOShay · 24/12/2020 22:59

You are not what has happened to you.
You are your own self. Your parents were so wrong to treat you badly and you did not deserve any of it. You are worthy of love and kindness.

I think that counselling would be a really good idea.
Sending you all the good things sweetheart. Flowers

SongToTheSiren1 · 24/12/2020 23:03

Tried to PM you. I think you sound lovely and your children need you. If you want to talk please message me. Sending love.

Original poster
WhyBotherJustWhy · 24/12/2020 23:10

Walking away from this relationship will be my 2021 goal. I called Women’s Aid and they offered a lot of advice. DP told me that it was illegal for me to move away with my children. It turns out that I am allowed to move to another city, as I am the main carer.

OP posts:
Calmate · 24/12/2020 23:15

What carleywurly said.
Also, do you have a Christian faith, or a Jewish faith, OP?
If so, please read Psalm 91, it's uplifting. Psalm 94 is consoling eg v.18-19
"When I said 'My foot is slipping' Your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul".
Happy Christmas to you and your children Flowers

VirtualLearning · 24/12/2020 23:22

It sounds like your family hugely let you down and perhaps they too were treated badly as children - if so does this help not exactly forgive but let it go?
You are worth so much and don’t let people like this near you if they worsen things; you are everything to your DC so I agree don’t let this define you. Teach them everything you wish you had been taught : and build them up .
As well as advice here I wish you had a mentor who can help guide you as it’s easy go get stuck in something wrong like a damaging relationship when you haven’t been treated well as a child. I think you have done a brave thing talking about this, and to me you are worth so so much . I’ve had low esteem myself but slowly overcoming it

VirtualLearning · 24/12/2020 23:24

That’s a lovely post from calmate . I need to read that too as sounds a lovely psalm

VirtualLearning · 24/12/2020 23:27

Also I just saw about your talk with Woman’s aid and that in itself is amazing - well done OP . That sounds a very positive step

Calmate · 24/12/2020 23:31

Thankyou @VirtualLearning !
There's something in the Psalms for everyone, whatever you are going through. One last mention also for Psalm 139 " O Lord, You have searched me and You know me", this is good for anyone who feels lost and needs support.
Happy Christmas everyone !

Hollybutnoivy · 24/12/2020 23:32

You have been treated badly but it's not your fault. I'm sure your children love and need you. I wish you all the strength you need for 2021.

june2007 · 24/12/2020 23:37

Set yourself goals. A job, a hobby, place to visit, an activity to do. You are incontrol of your life. Make good memories for your family. If the marriage is no longer working find a way out. We are about to start a new year lets see what it will bring,

Heartlantern2 · 24/12/2020 23:40

Your clearly a very brave, resilient and strong person. I wouldn’t have been able to handle all of that.

frustrationcentral · 24/12/2020 23:43

@WhyBotherJustWhy

Walking away from this relationship will be my 2021 goal. I called Women’s Aid and they offered a lot of advice. DP told me that it was illegal for me to move away with my children. It turns out that I am allowed to move to another city, as I am the main carer.
Hold on to that goal, you can do this. You deserve better and don't let anyone ever let you believe otherwise

Wishing you and your children well @WhyBotherJustWhy xx

ReturnfromtheStars · 24/12/2020 23:43

You sound absolutely amazing you can still became whoever you want. I'm sure you're beautiful too, you might not yet see it due to people like your parents and abusive partner putting you down.

longcoffeebreak · 25/12/2020 00:05

No-one life is worthless. We all have equal worth.

I'm a Buddhist and believe we all have a Buddha nature/true self and we have everything we need to be happy and free inside of us.

Bad things have happened to you and perhaps some of the trauma and baggage has obscured the light, but it is there. You do have worth.

mellicauli · 25/12/2020 00:06

Your story says you’re a survivor and you have deep reserves of resilience . You know what it is to love. That is plenty to give your children. And when you leave, you can show them what it means to be happy. Make the move now.

festivetimes · 25/12/2020 00:14

You will have value. You just can’t see it.

Please have faith in yourself. You are stronger than you think. You will get through this.

You have already been strong through a lot. You will find your way. I wish you the best.

Can you formulate a plan? If your partner doesn’t recognise and champion your strengths and worth, will it maybe be necessary to leave him?

Sorry I have no more practical advice

RaininSummer · 25/12/2020 00:14

You don't sound the slightest bit worthless. 2021 is going to be your year! Fresh start.

NoProblem123 · 25/12/2020 00:18

You’re unique and you’re brave and you’re strong and your selfless.
Make goals and break them down into small steps, baby steps to improve your situation.
2021 us going to be your year StarStar

coldtenant · 25/12/2020 00:19

You aren’t worthless and you need to keep telling yourself that. Keep talking to whoever you need to, you can live a better life I promise x