A worthless life

[WhyBotherJustWhy]

My life could have come straight out of one of those sad novels.

I had a dreadful childhood, spent some of it in family kinship. Both my parents beat me up. They never celebrated my birthday but celebrated that of my sibling. I’m ugly.

I did OK at school but maybe with the right support I could have done better. I dropped out of my first career choice. I tried again.

I married. I’m now with a man who abuses me emotionally and financially. He has his own MH issues.

I had 2 kids, and I cannot offer them anything in life. I have nothing that I can give.

It’s hard looking at people who try less hard and who get more. Things may have been different if I was born in another family, if I had been pretty or smart.

My life is a total waste.

How are people like meant to carry on? I’ve had hope after hope squashed in life.

Hope you have a good day @WhyBotherJustWhy.
You deserve to be happy, hold onto that. It’s ok to be you.

Sounds like you’re going to end 2021 on a high without your dh. Good goal to leave him. Good luck.

You are not worthless, you're just having a tough time. 2020 has been terrible for people's mental well-being and it sounds like your situation has really affected yours.

You give love. That's your gift. You hug and cuddle your DCs and Material things aren't important but making good memories are.

Bake something together, wrap up small chocolate bars .. and plot your escape for 2021 if you can if living with DP is making you miserable.

If it helps at all, my parents grew up proper poor in large families and had grand total of one orange in their stockings and a chocolate bar or much needed cardigan or jumper (if they had none or only one) for Xmas. They still have lovely family memories crowded around small tv watching old Xmas movie or sat by fire in a cold house reading a shared comic, or better yet when they had one each. Shared second hand bike between all the older DC was a treat. So whilst we are into more materialistic generations, it doesn't matter really as wonderful memories are easy to make.

@WhyBotherJustWhy you're amazing, you're talking to us, you've plans for 2021.

Make 2021 the year you leave your husband.

You're strong, you're a fighter.

Please keep posting here. You'll get lots of support. Echoing the other posters you are amazing and can give your DC the opportunities you were denied.

You just can't EVER give up. I have had hope after hope squashed, shitty childhood, shitty marriage that saw me reduced to NOTHING halfway through life. I didnt want to carry on at points, but i alliwed myself 'a moment' of sadness, angee, wallowing, suicidal thoughts, but that moment had to end, for the sake of DD i had to regroup, pull myself together and get back in the ring basically. I'm still a way off achieving what i'd like, but there's been progress.

I like to read stories of others who've triumphed against the oddsfor inspiration :)

Well done @NoDontDoIt, keep going.

Afternoon everyone.

We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP, and that your life absolutely isn't worthless. Please don't tell yourself that.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our
[[https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence Domestic
Violence]] page. We hope that it gives you pointers for getting some help in RL.

We've also moved your thread over to our Relationships topic, where you'll no doubt get more useful advice and suppport from other Mumsnetters, some of whom have been in your position.

Take care - from all at MNHQ

OP, I have somewhat similar experiences, you're not alone
Buy 'I am enough' by Marisa Peer on amazon, it helped me hugely xxx

You accept the past , accept that what happened has nothing to do with your worth and you be kind to yourself OP. You are in no way worthless and have so much to give.

Please stop your inner dialogue, it's so sad how you are perhaps repeating what your husband is saying, but I am positive that you are far from worthless and you never were worthless, but your situation now is overwhelming so it's totally unacceptable that you feel the way you do. But do stop the inner dialogue as it serves you no purpose other than make you miserable.

I have been in 3 women's refuges, not sure I am spelling this right, and I got away from the abusive husband and divorced him too. I too spoke very negatively about me as i got so use to hearing it from my lousy ex that I just kept repeating it over and over. But if you are ever in doubt who you truly are, then please come in here and talk to mumsnet, as I am sure the wonderful people on here will tell you otherwise. Gather up a plan to leave, show your children the love I know you have for them, build yourself up, even if it takes a while and get concelling as it really helps. Also, the freedom programme. You were never worthless and your life has meaning.

Can you look at three online sites? Anna Runkle,, N.A.P.A.C., and Havoca.
Also, can you remind yourself that being a good mother involves the example you set? Do you want them to think it's o.k. to be cruel to an animal? Obviously not, of course you would keep them well away from any such thing.
Do you want them to think it's o.k. to be cruel to a person? Obviously not, of course you don't want to play the part of a doormat in front of them. If you won't stop for your own sake, stop for theirs.

I do know what it means to be habituated to bad treatment, so that you just accept it and hardly notice, and don't have boundaries to insist on reasonable and fair treatment and mutual respect. Nobody who treated you badly will change, so you must avoid them, and change yourself..
Well done you, because you have clearly already taken the first leap out, towards being happy. Plenty of people abused as children would be startled to think they are allowed to be happy.

OP sending you the best wishes support and happiness for tomorrow is a new day... stay on here because the knowledge and advise on here is fantastic.. Be kind to yourself 🌺

You’ve contacted Woman’s Aid. You made the first step Excellent.

OP,why do you say you’re worthless and ugly? Because somebody said so? Why do you believe it?

To use a metaphor- if I said your hair is green would you believe me? I don’t think so.

You’re stronger than you think. You managed to reach out and look for help. That’s great.

Don’t believe what your “D” H says. It’s just words and he’ll do anything to bring you down.

Keep your cards close to your chest but make plans to get away and fight for better life for yourself and DC.
Please get in touch with CAB and look up Freedom Programme.

Hopefully more knowledgeable souls will come in here to guide you in the right direction.

Keep going.

You’re strong,you can do it 🙂

You not not worthless.
No one is.

Everyone has same right to exist, on this planet, you are valid.
Just because others have abused you, does not mean you are worthless, or had a worthless life.
What does it mean to be worthy?
To be rich, popular, never needing to have strived in life. To not be abused ?

No

No one has the right to to tell another they are less, no one, especially your husband who is meant to protect you.

You are important, and sound lovely, someone who reflects on their own actions and behaviour. Someone who would not hurt another.

To me that is worthy.

You have been dealt a crap hand, many of of us have, but you are a survivor with beautiful children and far from worthless.
Some people can only imagine how hard it has been for you, you are stronger than many.

I hope you feel better tommorow, a day at a time, things never stay the same and I hope and wish you gain the strength needed for possitive change.

You sound beautiful to me.

O.P. please would you not use the word 'ugly'? It's like the word 'witch'. Or the N word. Some things just shouldn't be said.

Please look at examples of people who live with unusual bodies and faces. Babies and adults. Unusual can mean parts missing from birth, or distorted, or removed because of cancer. Unusual could mean any one of a range of genetic differences. Think of Warwick Davis, popular and high earning, with his lovely wife and children all sharing his genetic condition, so they are unusually short. To the general public, it takes a few seconds sometimes to adjust to finding adults who seem child-height, because it's a surprise. But to their friends and neighbours and fellow celebrities, Warwick's height is only one of a list of things they know about him, such as his hair style. What is unusual at first is soon just ordinary for them.

If one of your children had been born with one side of their head inflated by either cancer or a developmental cause, that would be unusual. If they had been born with only flippers instead of arms, that would be unusual. But it absolutely would not be that 'U' word. Different is just different. After the first surprise of seeing someone unusual, it soon becomes ordinary to you because it is their ordinary for them. Nothing would make your beloved child anything except beautiful to you.

When was the last time you were your own champion? When was the last time you told yourself you are worth something. Your life is precious. You have been given the greatest gift on earth to be a mum, to those two children you are everything. You are not what people around you are dictating to you. You can be the author of your own book and decide who you are. Give yourself the permission back to decide this. Good counselling will help with this. Try acceptance and commitment therapy (nothing to do with relationships) it saved my life. Remember this is your life and it is worth living. You can do this!