Unhappy Christmas eve

[again2020]

Just wanted to rant really.

My partner has been drinking so much, staying up late and keeping me awake. My daughter (3) wakes up regularly at night and I'm the one up with her. I cherish my sleep as I have depression and anxiety and it helps me. I wanted to go to bed last night (at 11:30) and he called me boring and a 'fucking cunt'. I went to bed and fell asleep but he woke me an hour later, my daughter was up just after 3am and I've been awake since as was upset.
It just feels like I can't be bothered with Christmas and seeing in laws, I can't believe he spoke that way to me. We've had a very difficult year with lots of arguments.
Do you think there's anything I can do?

Yes, leave him. You don't have to put up with that! It's abusive and your daughter will look at him as she grows and she'll think that's what partners are like...and she'll choose someone just like him.

Have you somewhere you could go to after Christmas? If you do, go. I know it's easier said than done but your DD is small...she wont' even remember ever living with him.

I have nowhere to go unfortunately and he won't leave the house. My parents won't take me in and my friend won't due to Covid.

I was married to one of these. I had so many Christmases like the one you describe. It's so sad for your daughter to have to vitness and believe me when I say that it does impact your kids, it did mine although I managed to get my little family back together, it was sad to see them go through the turmoil for years after. Its abuse if your partner wakes you up in the night, he is not 3 so no reason for him to bother you and it shows such lack of respect drinking and living his life like no one else matters. So selfish, you don't own him your life so take matters into your own hands and make plans for the future that suits you because you will just be visiting this site for advice every time the cycle of abuse escilates

I agree with the others. Make the decision you want a better life without him. This doesn't have to be a sad time, think of it as a potential new start going forward full of hope and love for yourself xxx

Are you in rented or do you own the house?

You can either live like this forever or leave. Claim benefits, rent do what you have to do.

@soopedup Own on mortgage, unfortunately he's been paying the mortgage for the last year or so due to my low wages.

@madcatladyforever I'd love to leave. However my parents have told me to never leave with him still inside as they gave a large gift of money (I'm talking tens of thousands) for the house deposit and are scared of loosing the money to him.

Oh my ❤️ you poor thing the Christmas eves I’ve spent wondering will he come home or be drunk, hugs masses of them.

Hi OP, didn't want to read and run.

Pleas call Women's Aid this morning and get some support and advice. I hope someone with legal knowledge comes on here soon. I think you need a solicitor to get advice on the house - I assume it is in both names since you paid the deposit.

Sometimes though we need to put our health above money and we need to move on even if we lose that money - you and your child would be much better off in a small rented flat without him than in a house with his abuse.

It’s difficult timing now with Christmas tomorrow, but as soon as you can you should get some legal advice re splitting up and the house proceeds. Some Solicitors do a free initial consultation. Best of luck, and hopefully next Christmas will be a happy and peaceful one for you and your DD.

Leave and rent privately whilst you wait for the legal process to give you permission to sell the house.

You don't have to stay because your parents told you never to leave! Your a grown up now!

My dd's dad was like this! I woke up in the middle of the night once when she was in her cot at 4 months old at the end of the bed and he was lay with the tele on drinking cans, I bagged his stuff up the next day and threw him out.

I know it's difficult but you MUST get away from the situation, for your daughter if not for yourself, it's no way to live and so damaging 😢

Oh and my dd is nearly 9 now and he is exactly the same, yours won't change either! My dd sees him for what he is and knows I did the right thing

You maybe can’t leave right now but you can certainly make plans to leave. Start gathering paperwork, get everything important.

Fuck the money! You get one chance at a life and so does your child. Money means nothing if you are miserable!

Shame on your parents for putting their investment ahead of your safety and well-being. I don't have practical advice, I'm sorry but you need to find a way to separate for your sake and your daughter's. Someone more knowledgeable will come along with logistical advice. Also you need to sleep. Why is your daughter still waking up at night at 3?can you address that? It can't be doing her much good either... Wishing you all the best and a Christmas free from this next year!

Did you legally protect your deposit? If so it’s safe whether you are there or not. You need to prioritise your welfare over money right now. Start getting your ducks in a row to leave as soon as you can

As long as it's a jointly owned house it doesn't matter who pays the mortgage.

Is this your house and he moved in with you ?

It's not my house unfortunately. My daughter still wakes up randomly, one or twice a night. It's not every night but it happens regularly, I'm not sure what to do about that.

Deposit wasn't legally protected unfortunately 😢 my parents are very money orientated, and so is partner.
@Chanandlerbong01

I totally agree with you! And have said this to my parents. They don't agree. I'm worried if I loose their money by leaving they won't speak to me, and I need all the family and friends I can get right now.

Get legal advice on the money thing, but even if the money is lost due to past poor decisions, better that than your and your DC being negatively impacted.

By staying with someone so nasty.

I will try to get legal advice in the new year. I hope it doesn't cost too much.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply to me x