Ignored by men

[Yuletard]

This is an ongoing problem.
It seems that when I'm in a social situation with some other men (who tend to be popular, well educated, done well for themselves) I get ignored, talked over and unnoticed.
I have male friends who this doesn't happen with, but I notice it a lot within DHs social circles. I also notice that they don't treat other women in the group like this.
They'll ask me some things and speak to me vaguely, but if I initiate certain topics or conversation, I seem to get the brush off.

My Dad treats me like this also.

Why is this happening? I'd like to be able to change it.

I don't know why its happening, but didn't want to read and run. In DH's social circle are they a bit into themselves so maybe simply don't care about anyone else? You have male friends where this doesn't happen, so obviously not you. Don't let it chip away at your confidence though. They might just be too much into themselves, there are plenty of people like that unfortunately.

Some people can be self centred and just full of themselves, without being kind enough to include others in conversation, I'm surprised you just say it men though as this happens often in both men and women.

I'd guess you chose a man like your Dad - and he has like minded friends. What's your Dad like? How was your upbringing?

They sound immature.

Definitely the type of men your DH is friends with sadly.
Is your DH like them?
It’s really not your problem - it’s theirs.

I have been treated like this by a few people - men and women.
The next time I am in their company I have been totally disinterested in them, made no attempt myself to start a conversation.
It’s amazing how they come to life and start talking to me all of a sudden ...
Dismissive people hate to be dismissed themselves.

Sounds like it’s about them not you.

It’s tough to say more without more details -

if I initiate certain topics or conversation, I seem to get the brush off.

Could it be the topics themselves? There are certain topics that are best avoided in casual social situations like politics, religion, feminism,

your username is because...?

"Dismissive people hate to be dismissed themselves."

I think this is a great token of wisdom.
I'll try this.

Username- Yuletide was taken, ended up with Yuletard.

I think it's happening because they're self-absorbed twats? But I've found this with women just as much as men tbh. Always, always the cliquey ones out to impress, regardless of their gender.

I no longer give a shit, this is my favourite thing about middle age.

I could offer all kinds of opinions about social skills and men and stuff but you use the word 'tard' in your name. That's not a nice word, to put it mildly. I'm thinking if you are this unaware or offensive in life generally then there's good reasons people dismiss you.

About your DH group

Are his friends single, partnered, or a mix. Same question for the women in the group.

Came on to read as I have similar problems but then also took issue with your username...

Do you realise it looks like a play on words for the totally unacceptable slur, the R word? I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that it was in reference to “tardy” meaning late rather than a horrible world used to describe those with SEN or mental illness.

custard
mustard...

Not forgetting Bastard obviously!

Have to admit that seeing etard at the end made me think of r*tard too. It’s not just tard is it? Anyway, derailing!

I think based on your upbringing it’s perfectly possible that you either subconsciously attract these dismissive men OR that you are hyper aware of this treatment due to your last experience. What’s you relationship like with your OH? Why does he value these horrible men?

and please change your awful disablist username

@ProudAuntie76

Have to admit that seeing etard at the end made me think of r*tard too. It’s not just tard is it? Anyway, derailing!

I think based on your upbringing it’s perfectly possible that you either subconsciously attract these dismissive men OR that you are hyper aware of this treatment due to your last experience. What’s you relationship like with your OH? Why does he value these horrible men?

and please change your awful disablist username

This.

Yuletard It means late for Christmas, for goodness sake. As in "tardy".
There's too much over thinking...

@Oneearringlost are you really sure or just guessing? Yuletard isn’t a word. It has no dictionary definition. And it does make you think of the words used to describe SEN children by bullies.

Yuletard It means late for Christmas, for goodness sake. As in "tardy".
There's too much over thinking...

And yet your example isn’t overthinking?

That’s a justification and one that NameChange84 already gave as a possible explanation whilst rightly calling it out as a possible slur.

It’s equally possible that the OP meant “a bit stupid/backward/“special” around the Christmas period”. Just as convincing as your explanation. Even if it’s an innocent mistake and the intention was “tardy” it’s still eyebrow raising for enough people for it to be inappropriate.

@ProudAuntie76

Yuletard It means late for Christmas, for goodness sake. As in "tardy". There's too much over thinking...

And yet your example isn’t overthinking?

That’s a justification and one that NameChange84 already gave as a possible explanation whilst rightly calling it out as a possible slur.

It’s equally possible that the OP meant “a bit stupid/backward/“special” around the Christmas period”. Just as convincing as your explanation. Even if it’s an innocent mistake and the intention was “tardy” it’s still eyebrow raising for enough people for it to be inappropriate.

Well, do you think she did mean "a bit stupid/backward "special"?

[quote PerhapsOverlyWorried]@Oneearringlost are you really sure or just guessing? Yuletard isn’t a word. It has no dictionary definition. And it does make you think of the words used to describe SEN children by bullies.[/quote]
No, it isn't a word in the dictionary, I agree, but the vast majority of usernames on here are not a word in the dictionary.
I really didn't see the "tard" bit of the word as offensive, but maybe that's my underthinking.
Come on OP, you've initiated a debate here!
Was it an innocent mistake or not?
Am willing to accept I'm in the wrong/ minority BTW.

Well, do you think she did mean "a bit stupid/backward "special"?

My first thought was that she was making an analogy to this, yes. I think mustard/bastard/custard is a massive stretch. I could be persuaded that she meant tardy if she clarified but my initial and current thought is that she was making an analogy to r*tard.

‘Yuletard’ Urban dictionary definition:

The name given to the perennial Christmas cretin who, much to your shivering dismay, persists in overbearing, glib and frequently forceful Christmas related antics, throughout the whole of December. They are usually to be found in the workplace, probably nearest to the radio which will be blaring Yuletardenous songs of redundant festive delight, whilst they don their sparkly fucking reindeer antlers and gibber about how fucking lovely it all is.
Meanwhile an insignificant and tremendously vapid war of who can send their Christmas cards around the office first wages. Yuletards!
A few common examples of the behaviour of a yuletard (of which there are MANY, go on, I bet you know lots too):-
Turning the radio up at work when a Christmas song comes on; enjoying it; making reference to it; wearing fucking ironic Christmas headwear about it; displaying every fucking Christmas light you've ever seen outside their house which, unbeknownst to them, only really serves to advertise to potential burglars that 'hey, if we've got money to throw away on shitty Christmas lights and huge santas, imagine what presents you could steal'; discussing in minute detail every trail and fucking tribulation of their cretinous Christmas shopping expedition, right down to where they had their dinner; turning up for work in their woefully embarassing santa's little helper outift; banging on and fucking on and on and on about every little thing they are going to do, see, eat, wear, watch, drink, say over Christmas, thus sucking any possible pleasure to be had out of the occasion for them and every poor sod in earshot, including me, hence this.