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Original poster

Would it upset you(sex related)?

33 replies

Avocadobathroom7 · 23/12/2020 11:54

If a newish partner orgasmed a lot when you were intimate, more than once every time,but had only managed to do it for you 2 or 3 times?

I honestly felt like crying afterward the other day :( sad I realise but I am not perhaps as easy to get there as them, but I can get there if someone takes their time to know my body.

OP posts:
Original poster
Avocadobathroom7 · 23/12/2020 11:56

Sorry I mean 2 or 3 times throughout the whole few months of being together.

OP posts:
Neolara · 23/12/2020 12:02

I would be very unimpressed if they thought that was ok and would be expecting them to put some serious effort into making the situation more equal.

Ohalrightthen · 23/12/2020 12:02

Really depends. Would you say you usually orgasm easily with a partner? Are you giving directions that he's ignoring, or are you expecting him to read your mind? Is he generous with foreplay etc and attention, or is he only interested in his own pleasure?

Personally, i very very rarely orgasm, even by myself, but still really enjoy sex and masturbation. My husband is loving and generous and tje lack of climax isn't an issue for me.

mindutopia · 23/12/2020 12:05

No, I wouldn't be upset. I don't really leave it to my partner to make me have an orgasm. It's your body and you know your body best. Especially in a newish relationship, it's hard to figure out what works. I think you need to offer some guidance or direct things so that they are working for you. Or maybe you aren't relaxed enough because it is so new? I would be happy they were enjoying themselves. It would only be an issue if they showed absolutely no interest in whether I was enjoying myself at all. Also, not everyone orgasms everytime, even men, and sex can be enjoyable without too. It sounds like you need to talk about what works for you though.

XiCi · 23/12/2020 12:08

Have you discussed it with them?

Vitaminsss · 23/12/2020 12:09

Shit sex would be a deal breaker for me

again2020 · 23/12/2020 12:12

As someone who didn't orgasm until the tender age of 35 (and that was through masturbation) it wouldn't bother me at all.

However if you are the lucky kind of woman who orgasms easily with a partner, I think you could talk to them. Maybe suggest a shower together then mutual oral sex?

MajesticWhine · 23/12/2020 12:15

That would upset me if they weren't really trying. But you need to talk to them and tell them what you want.

warmandtoasty2day · 23/12/2020 12:18

if you have sex you should be able to talk about sex, it's part and parcel.

MrsFluffyMuff · 23/12/2020 12:19

My ex made me orgasm about 5 times in the whole 6 year relationship. He hated doing anything to me other than a couple of minutes of PIV. No kissing, no touching, no oral. Any conversation about it fell on deaf ears. If this sounds like your partner, then don't be like me and stick around for another 5 plus years.

CrazyToast · 23/12/2020 12:22

What you need to do is say after 'I want to cum too, lets do xxx'. And make him touch you or touch you while you touch yourself etc.

Or during say 'I want to cum too, can you do xxx/I'll do xxx to myself'

What will happen then is one of three things:

  1. He won't participate in any of this--- you dump him
  2. He participates but then seems to back off or not want to do it again--you dump him
  3. He thinks this is the best and hottest thing ever and really gets into it-- he is a keeper

Honestly, as unfortunate as it is you do have to be this direct to get sexual satisfaction sometimes. The reaction will tell you everything you need to know about him as a lover.

CodenameVillanelle · 23/12/2020 12:24

I wouldn't accept a partner who was happy to orgasm without making sure I do too. It doesn't have to be 100% on him to make it happen but it needs to happen and he needs to be supportive of that!

category12 · 23/12/2020 12:26

Seems a bit selfish of them. Worth saying you could do with a bit more attention if they're not making much effort.

I expect at least one. I mean it's not the end of the world to not get there every single time, but I expect a decent hit rate. Grin

Original poster
Avocadobathroom7 · 23/12/2020 12:32

I'm at work so will reply to everyone as son as I can. I should have specified that many conversations have been had.

I'm not the easiest but pretty simple once it is figured out and she does know!

And does get it right but then before I'm near, stops. We're both women.

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 23/12/2020 12:38

Does he try?

He should make sure you're satisfied before the session finished.

I guarantee he'd be upset if he only got off 2 or 3 times in several months of having sex.

category12 · 23/12/2020 12:39

Oh if many conversations have already been had, then I would think about calling it a day. It's not likely to get better, so no point getting deeper emotionally.

Vitaminsss · 23/12/2020 12:39

If you already had the conversation with her and she doesn’t care, it might be time to end it

Username7521 · 23/12/2020 12:43

Yeah. No. Leave.

XiCi · 23/12/2020 12:43

And does get it right but then before I'm near, stops
This sounds like a total headfuck. What does she say when you ask her why she stopped?

movingonup20 · 23/12/2020 12:45

Yes it would, and it worries me that dp can't always but it's due to medication and age.

Butterymuffin · 23/12/2020 12:46

I think you need to say that the way your sex life currently functions is not good for you. Make it clear carrying on like this is not an option.

Tal45 · 23/12/2020 12:48

I've never been with anyone who wasn't very keen to make me orgasm every time they did - probably for their ego too! Why not say 'ooh I'm really close please don't stop now!' xxx

Original poster
Avocadobathroom7 · 23/12/2020 12:48

Ive had a lot of mind blowing sex in the past and a lot of shit sex too just dont know what to do here.. she does know and will do it but then gets more into it and goes for it and once she's done, were done iykwim?

OP posts:
jay55 · 23/12/2020 12:50

They sound like an arsehole getting you close and not bothering to finish.

LouJ85 · 23/12/2020 12:50

@Avocadobathroom7

Ive had a lot of mind blowing sex in the past and a lot of shit sex too just dont know what to do here.. she does know and will do it but then gets more into it and goes for it and once she's done, were done iykwim?

Sounds selfish to me